I Bought a Jumpsuit and Now I Won’t Wear Anything Else
My “appearance” – if I have such a thing at all – is best described as “a teenage dirt bag” and “one who is allergic to pants.” My wardrobe consists of jeans, cut-to-length jeans, T-shirts, slim dresses, and more. But new clothes entered my wardrobe – and into my heart – and changed my life for the better.
I’m talking about my brand new bib jumpsuit I bought from Carhartt after a rather productive trip to IKEA. I didn’t go to the store with the intention of purchasing this superbly utilitarian fabric configuration. No, I went there because my boyfriend needed long sleeve shirts. I only tried on a pair because I was bored – I did it almost like a joke – but as soon as I put them on, I realized that there was nothing funny about how much I needed them in my life.
To be honest, I’ve been pondering the idea of buying a pair for a long time, but I didn’t want to give in to nostalgia. As an alarming number of trends in my youth are returning to fashion, I have had to live in a state of constant vigilance as I could very easily fill my one-room apartment with hair bands, jelly sandals and troll dolls.
Anyway. Like Jillian Jacobs’ character in Love , I’m now a person who only wears a jumpsuit and I can’t apologize enough for how sorry I am. They may not be the most stylish piece of clothing I have, but they are the most relaxed and allowed me to get rid of the following things:
- Freedom from wallets: you know what I like? Looking at cute wallets. Do you know what I don’t like? I wore pretty wallets. In fact, I hate carrying most things with me, but the pocket position on most women’s garments is terrible, although women usually need to carry a lot of things with them, including the occasional shit for which men have no room in their pockets. The position of the pockets of my jumpsuit is exactly the opposite of the awful one. There are pockets for a day, my friends! This means that my arms and shoulders are now free from the oppression of wallets, and I feel better about it. I can put my phone, keys, wallet, lipstick, and pocket knife in my Carhartts and still have empty pockets to carry with me whatever happens to me during the day. There’s a reason people who build and produce things wear bib overalls, and that reason is because they need their damn hands at work.
- Trouser freedom: No matter how well the trousers fit, they will pinch from time to time and slip. As a person who spends most of his time storing bags of groceries and then preparing said foods and then washing dishes contaminated with those foods and having to stop to pull on his pants when carrying food or covered with duck fat or covered in soap for utensils are a pain. However, a jumpsuit is not a pants. True, they cover your legs like pants, giving you the freedom to jump, climb, bend over and pay if you want, without slipping or pinching your flesh. They are also beautiful and roomy, well ventilated and easy to put on and take off.
- Freedom from male gaze: Haha, just kidding. The masculine gaze is impossible to escape, but it worries me less when I wear my Carhartts. I think they are cute and I don’t give a damn if anyone agrees. Aesthetically, jumpsuits are highly polarizing and knowing that they will offend the eyes of a certain segment of the population, no matter what liberates in itself. I only wear a jumpsuit for myself.
In fact, these jumpsuits are the most useful and comfortable piece in my entire wardrobe, and I will wear them until they fall out of my body.