According to Republicans, Jimmy Kimmel’s Child Had to Do to Deserve Medical Attention

At night, host Jimmy Kimmel delivered a tearful monologue last night about his newborn son, who was born with a heart defect and underwent life-saving surgery just three days old. And today Republicans are trying to get votes to pass a health care bill that would make it nearly impossible for people like Kimmel’s child to get the care they can afford.

“No parent should ever decide if they can afford to save their child’s life,” Kimmel said. But lawmakers planning to vote for the failed AHCA , now revived with the MacArthur Amendment , believe this is a good scenario for inclusion in the country’s health landscape. The amendment will allow insurers to sell policies that do not include maternity, newborn care, surgery, or hospitalization. Insurers can also charge astronomical rates for people with pre-existing medical conditions (like baby Billy as he gets older). They can also go back to selling policies without cash – so after a few thousand dollars, the insurer can shrug and say they’ve paid.

No big deal, say the Republicans (sorry to be committed, but they’re all Republicans) who plan to vote for Trump’s zombies. They say it’s okay that insurance plans can exclude essential medical care because shitty insurance plans are cheaper than good ones. Do you need insurance anyway? Jimmy Kimmel’s kid could try any of these approaches:

Live the “good life”

Alabama spokesman Mo Brooks loves Trumpcare’s new provision that allows insurance companies to charge people whatever they want with pre-existing conditions. The premium estimates for these people are dire . This means that families like Jimmy Kimmel’s (including those with the same health problems but a lot less money) will have to pay thousands more each year – or even go without insurance at all.

“[Increasing payments for people with previous health problems] helps offset all of these costs, thereby lowering costs for those people who lead a good life, they are healthy, they did everything to keep their body healthy, he said in interview with CNN . Do you hear, Billy? You had to do something to keep your body healthy. As, you know, the heart became better.

Rep. Brooks understands that people who live “good lives” get sick anyway. He just doesn’t care: “To be honest, many of these people with pre-existing conditions, they have these conditions through no fault of their own … I think that our society in such circumstances needs help. The problem, however, is that it is difficult to find a balance between the higher cost of these mandates, which deprives people of coverage because they cannot afford their health insurance policies … and having sufficient coverage to help those people who really they need it. “

So we need to help, but only if it costs no one money. Maybe Rep Brooks needs to grow a better heart?

Choose not to get sick

“Of course it’s a business model,” Pennsylvania spokesman Mike Kelly told CNN . “The greater the risk [you pose to the insurance company], the higher [your] premiums will be.”

He said this is true for young and healthy people who can now “choose and choose” their insurance, although it is unclear how people can “choose and choose” what health problems they have previously.

Get a job in Congress

Since it is difficult to live a good life before you were born, or change your health history without a time machine and a magic wand, there is another option: you can be a member of Congress or work for one.

The MacArthur Amendment does not apply to members of Congress or their staff , so if Billy grows up to become Congressman, he cannot be charged extra money for a preexisting fortune and knows that his family’s policy is to cover basic health benefits such as maternity services and life-saving surgeries. The rest of the AHCA will continue to apply, but the burden falls the most on older and low-income people , so if he manages to become rich and young, he will be fine.

And if all else fails, he might just buy fewer iPhones .

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