I Worked With the Bar Security, Here’s How to Get Out of a Bar Fight
Sun Tzu once said: “The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without a fight.” And it doubles as the drinks are poured. People can get a little short-tempered when they eat the sauce, and in some cases, physically. Based on my experience as a security guard, these helpful tips can help you calm a stressful situation and avoid possible beatings .
Develop your spider-sense aggro
The best way to get out of a fight is to avoid getting started. This means developing situational awareness and using the head. As Lawrence Kane and Chris Wilder explain in their book How to Win a Fight: A Violence Prevention and Survival Guide , bar fights tend to occur after a certain time of night:
It is not the hour on the clock that matters, but the mood of the crowd. Most people are having a good time and quitting long before the shit starts. Almost everyone who is going to connect has already done so and are now having fun. As the crowd begins to thin out, there are those who have nothing better to do than cause trouble. Buzzing with frustration and surging hormones, those who insist on holding out late into the night fall victim to violence.
Look around the bar and get a feel for the mood. Is there a guy at the bar brooding? Is there a girl who pours out loud and angry in front of her friend? Can you hear someone trying to start something with someone else? If so, then maybe it’s time to find another bar or head home. In my experience as a security guard for concert venues, bars, and clubs, there has always been a turning point at night when fun turns to chaos. Learn to feel this turning point and get out of it before things escalate.
Keep your cool, show your hands and be clear about your intentions
If you can’t figure it out before you piss someone off and they get caught in your face, resist any urge to match their energy. If they insult you, don’t insult them back. If they push you, don’t push them back. If they look down at you, don’t look at them with a smelly eye. Once you reciprocate with the same energy, the likelihood of the situation escalating increases. Situations like this are not associated with pride. Your goal is to continue the night and return home safely, so let go of the ego.
Instead, do these three things in the exact order: take a deep breath, put your hands in front of you, palms facing them, and make it clear that you have no interest in fighting. Taking a deep breath will help you stay calm and avoid overlapping intensity levels. Raising your arms, as Jay Ferrari explains at Men’s Health, shows that you disagree with their offer to fight and prepares to defend if necessary . Self-defense experts call this the “fence” – as shown in the video above – and this process is also a great time to create space between you and the instigator.
And as soon as you put up the fence, you will be sure to tell them that you do not want any trouble. The sooner you can say something, the better. In Martial Arts Revealed: Benefits, Challenges, and Solutions, author Jamie Seabrook explains why:
It is a disaster to miss a few minutes when provoked. This is because a potential attacker might think that you are “playing” with him / her, and that if you were not really interested in fighting, you would say so. Plus, you’re more likely to get upset and upset when the other person calls you by your name and cheers you on. When this happens, the natural reaction is to strike back.
Seabrook also notes that what you say matters a lot in a situation like this. Saying something like “back off, loser” won’t help, so choose your words wisely. Speak calmly and clearly so that they cannot interpret what you say as aggression. And be prepared to be challenged and encouraged. Don’t be fooled and enjoy the rest of the night.
Apologize and introduce yourself
If saying that you don’t want to fight isn’t enough to make them relax, it’s time to start appealing to their sense of humanity. They may be a lump of booze and anger, but there is still a sane person somewhere inside. Start with an apology – even if everything that happened before the meeting was their fault . They feel that you are offended in something, so just give in and excuse them to leave you alone. There is no need to apologize for every little thing , but when someone goes on the warpath, they can no longer be shaken. You have to choose whether you want to be wrong and unharmed or be right with a black eye.
After you apologize, they can blurt out the insult and leave you alone. If not, throw a joke at them and introduce yourself as a civilized person. It does two things: reminds them that you are a real person and not a warm punching bag, and takes them by surprise. This wrench you throw at their gears changes their thinking and stops their growing character. They expect you to get angry and start fighting them, but instead, you show them respect and offer them negotiations. They may not be interested in getting to know you better, but you will “kill the mood” and they will most likely move on to something (or someone) more exciting.
Change your aggression to empathy or confusion
Empathy is a powerful suggestion tool, even if you’re lying. Tell the instigator that you are having a rough night, you just broke up with your boyfriend or girlfriend, your great aunt Sally just passed away, your dog is missing, you just got fired, you have cancer or anything else you can think of. to make them feel sympathetic. If you can sell it just a little, they will probably leave you alone. Nobody wants to beat an unemployed cancer patient with a lost dog.
Confusion is also a powerful tool. On his blog , karate instructor Jesse Encamp shares a trick he heard from illusionist Derren Brown when he says something strange and inappropriate to a potential attacker. Brown was able to avoid a fight by simply saying, “The wall outside of my house is no more than four feet.” His almost striker stopped in confusion with the words “What?” and finally gave up when Brown spoke of other walls in Spain:
This guy needs to understand what I’m talking about, and he gets very confused about it. By offering him the same (speaking of Spain), he feels that he might get some relief from the confusion, but no such clarification occurs. He is deluded, confused and no longer in control. He experiences an “adrenaline rush” that renders him useless. After I told him about the Spanish walls, I added, “But here they are tiny! Look at these! And I pointed to a tiny three-brick wall around the garden right next to us. He looked at the wall, and this movement told me that now I had the upper hand. He looked back at me, by this moment he had already quite relaxed, uttered a long “Oh, uh-uu-sk …” and crumpled up, hopelessly hanging his head.
This trick is in the same vein as introducing yourself. You surprise them with something they don’t expect and they have no choice but to let their mind try to figure out what the hell you are talking about. It may sound a little silly, but in the end, once the adrenaline is gone, the urge to fight disappears.
Remind the aggressor why you are both here and maybe offer them a drink
Rationalizing with a drunk, angry person rarely works unless you simplify the task and focus on having a good time. After apologizing for the cause of the problem, remind the instigator that you are both here to have fun – presumably with the people you came with – and that you both should just go back to having a good time. And explain that no matter who wins, you’ll both ruin your night because you both get kicked out, or hurt, or arrested, or all of the above. Lay out everything for them and suggest that you both leave each other alone.
This trick almost always worked when I was a security guard and every night I had to face people who bumped into each other. And if you really want to close a deal, offer them a drink or take a picture with you. Of course, if you say, “Hey, come on, aren’t we here to have some fun?” The question will be answered: “No, I am here to fight”, you have only one option .
sInform Security or find another bar
When all the words have failed to work on the instigator, use them on the staff. Notify security, bouncer, or bartender that someone is threatening you and the instigator will be quickly removed. The bar staff do not want fights in their establishments, and they will not think twice to throw them away.
It might not be super smooth, but it’s better to be a chatterbox who enjoyed his night out than a wannabe tough guy who got his ass fucked. And if they don’t get kicked out, find another bar. Preferably one who cares about the safety of his patrons.