Why Vulnerability Is so Important
You know the importance of breaking out of your comfort zone, saying yes more often , and allowing yourself to be vulnerable. But what if this vulnerability makes you so anxious that it is difficult for you to function? The key is to learn to accept vulnerability without letting it take over.
When I first started writing about my personal finance on Get Rich Slowly , I literally started shaking in the morning when a new post came up. My personal thoughts, feelings and fears were available to all outsiders on the Internet, and the Internet is a scary place. I opened myself up to criticism, condemnation and ridicule. In those days, it was difficult for me to concentrate on work because I kept thinking what people would think. I spilled every comment, analyzed it and took it too personal, good or bad. Vulnerability consumed me
Vulnerability is important, but not if it tires you too much.
Even though blogging made my stomach spin, I kept doing it because I loved writing, it helped me blow out my breath and opened up new possibilities. When you understand why vulnerability is so important, you are more motivated to embrace it.
Think about your deepest relationship – be it a spouse, good friend, parent, or brother or sister. Chances are, you’ve shared some vulnerabilities with this person. For the first time in almost ten years, I recently had a fight with a friend. It was ugly, but it strengthened our friendship. I learned more about how she functions, she learned what drives me , and that empathy made us closer and more comfortable with each other. We went from being good friends to really good lifelong friends. Of course, you don’t need conflict to get closer, but it forces you to be open about how you feel and be honest about what can be vulnerable. In any case, vulnerability is not just part of a meaningful relationship, it is important to them.
The vulnerability also challenges your confirmation bias . It may be uncomfortable to ask questions, express your opinion, or talk about your emotions with people. You are criticized and judged by them, but you also open yourself up to answers and opposing views, which is much nicer than stagnating in the comfort of what you already know. A little stress and anxiety is a normal part of getting out of your comfort zone.
Leaving your comfort zone makes you feel vulnerable, but that feeling works in your favor. According to Yerkes-Dodson’s Law, this improves your productivity. Psychologists Robert M. Yerkes and John D. Dodson explained that being comfortable equals stable work , but if you want to improve performance, you need a certain amount of stress and anxiety. So when you feel anxious, vulnerable, and vulnerable, you grow.
On the other hand, as Yerkes and Dodson explained, worrying too much will make you too stressed to be productive. If vulnerability leads to overuse of stress, your goal is to find “optimal anxiety”.
Set realistic goals for yourself to relieve anxiety.
In the past year, I made some lofty and awkward decisions that tested my own vulnerability: asking for more money, being more honest with people, facing impostor syndrome, and breaking out of routine. It was an extensive list that needed to be completed right away, so I broke down those resolutions into smaller, digestible targets .
Some people find it easy to be honest, but it’s not easy for me. So I made it my goal to be as honest as possible with someone at least once a month. When a new friend asked me to go see a bad movie, I wanted to tell her that I had other plans, but instead I told her that I really hate this movie.
Of course, having said that, I realized that there is nothing to worry about. I accumulate these things in my head and it is more troubling than anything else.
This realization made it easier to implement my decision by the end of the year, but this might not have happened if I had not set a clear goal. I was focused on crossing this target off my list, which prompted me to tell her the truth. Without a purpose, I would probably tell her an innocent lie without even thinking about it. Second, the goal allowed me to focus on something else rather than her reaction, so people lie right from the start. We are afraid of how people will react to the truth. I looked at the situation in terms of how to do something, and that relieved the pressure.
Most of the time, when you do something scary, you realize that it’s not as bad as you thought — the anticipation scared you the most. Goal setting can help you release that expectation and feel in control of your vulnerability.
Partnering with a friend
You can also encourage yourself to do more vulnerable things by finding a friend who is not afraid of discomfort. I used to hate networking events, so whenever I was invited to one of them, I asked my good friend to come with me – she was used to chatting and talking at work. I still felt anxious when I had to meet new people, but I was helped by the presence of a familiar person who strengthened me. I also fed on her confidence and charisma and did not take this event so seriously.
You probably have friends who also recognize vulnerability. They constantly prove themselves, try new things and live for adventure. I try to devote as much time as possible to these friends because they inspire me to do something, encourage me to leave the house and support me when I want to take the jump.
Maybe it’s networking, or stand-up comedy, or surfing lessons. No matter what you’re doing, having a friend next to you makes uncomfortable things less disturbing so you can get the most out of them. Even better, if you have a friend who can introduce you to new, positive experiences, it can be helpful to say yes to that friend more often. Of course, if you have anxiety issues, you want this friend to understand those issues too, so they don’t hurt more than they help.
Practice mindfulness
I hate interviews. Whether it’s a job interview, an interview with someone else, or just a job interview, I am absolutely afraid of them. I’m afraid that I’ll say stupid things, ask stupid questions, or even a bomb. I constantly think about the interview for several weeks until it finally ends.
I’m still scared of interviews, but I’ve gotten better at dealing with the anxiety that comes with them. Mindfulness has helped more than anything.
If you’re unfamiliar with the term, mindfulness is simply focusing on what’s going on around you and not on distraction or lack of interest. Numerous studies, including this one published in JAMA Internal Medicine , have shown that practicing mindfulness can help reduce anxiety and depression. Here are a few ways that I practice it:
- Meditation : Mindfulness meditation seems like a panacea these days, but it really helps. Sometimes I use the app ( Breathe , free for iOS and Android ), but most of the time I just set a timer for five minutes to sit down and breathe.
- Reminders : I set reminders to stay focused on different activities. For example, I use the app -taymer for tomatoes , when I work, to focus on the 20 minutes at a time. The app reminds me to take a break and then reminds me to focus on my work. It’s the same with dinner. I remind myself to focus on the process, take it step by step, and stay involved. It might sound silly, after all, it’s just dinner, but it helps me complete another task in my life, which helps me stay mindful in general.
- Logging : For me, logging is a daily check . I can get rid of my worries so they don’t hide behind other activities during the day. I throw them out of my head and write them down, where I sort them out. And then I can focus on the task at hand.
When I am anxious, I am afraid of what might happen in anticipation of some future event. However, when I am focused and occupied with the present, I become distracted from the anxiety associated with vulnerability. Even though my knee jerk reaction is to avoid interviews altogether, I try to say yes and remember that mindfulness can help curb stress.
Finally, maintain momentum. The longer you stay in your comfort zone, the harder it is to pull yourself out of it – this is inertia in action (or inaction , if you will).
As you get into the habit of stepping out of your comfort zone, the whole process becomes less intimidating. Yes, you will still feel vulnerable, but your vulnerability, anxiety and stress will remain at an optimal level: enough to benefit you, but not so much that you never want to leave your comfort zone again.