Get the Final Say by Sending Your Enemies a Real Bag of Dicks to Eat

“Eat a bag (or bowl) of dicks” is one of my favorite insults, but until recently it was used mostly in a hyperbolic sense. This is all about to change as you can now send anyone a packet of sticky members with instructions on what you want them to do with them.

This dream is made possible by a company aptly named Dicks by Mail, with one goal in mind: to send packets of delicious dongs to your unloved people. (Actually, they have sticky boobs too, but that’s not offensive.) Delivering the mentioned packet of phallic gummies to your nemesis is easy. All you need is an address and fifteen bucks (plus shipping):

Once your order has been processed, an anonymous package containing 2 items will be sent to your target; LARGE packet of delicious gummy penises and a note that read EAT A BAG OF DIXES. Nothing more. Not less. You will remain anonymous and silently chuckle to yourself for many years, imagining how they ask themselves a question, always asking: “Who sent this to me?”, “Are there any more delicious gifts on their way?”, “Why does this continue to happen to me. ?! “, And / or laugh until they get physically sick. Yes, their reaction will be much tastier than the bag of candy you sent them.

Whether you open yourself up to your goal is up to you. I’m sure anonymity is part of the fun, but I’m terrible at keeping secrets and will probably just confess. Still worth it.

Dicks by mail


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