The Reasons for Escaping and How to Get Rid of Them
“So. How is your wedding planning going?” If you are going to get married, prepare to answer this question at least once a week. And “good” or “good” doesn’t fit. People need answers . How will you move the cake? What flowers will you get? Will your DJ play my favorite song? If any of this sounds unpleasant, let me suggest an alternative: escape.
When my fiance and I got engaged, several people joked that we just needed to run away. I would like us to take them more seriously, so let me present my case to anyone who might consider it.
If you are not a “wedding person”, do not have weddings.
Some people know exactly what they want from a wedding. They have imagined it for years, they have it all thought out to the smallest detail, and they know where to start.
Before my engagement, I never really thought about getting married. Why do I need it? I don’t like to have parties, I don’t plan them well and I get nervous when all the attention is focused on me. If this sounds familiar, planning your wedding may not be fun for you. Most of us are already struggling with time and stress. We’re all busy . We all have very busy schedules. As busy as you are, imagine adding more work to your schedule every week: call a restaurant, order transportation, find a DJ.
For some, these additional assignments are welcome and enjoyable. Unless you’re a bridal person, they probably just made you stressful.
Plus, you’re not the only one busy. Your friends and family, too, and however much they offer help in the beginning, they may not be as often as you would like, and this is stressful too.
Everyone reminds you that all the planning is worth it because this is your special day. It’s cute, but let’s be honest, getting married is a lot of other people too, which is why they’re so damn expensive. If this is truly a day for you and your fiancé, and neither of you is a wedding person, then getting away seems like a better and more romantic option.
Weddings are expensive
And then there’s money. The average wedding costs around $ 26,000 and can be much higher depending on the venue. Sure, there are ways to cut costs , but even modest weddings are expensive. We spend $ 15,000, and of course people are spending a lot more, but however you look at it, $ 15,000 is a hell of a lot of money to spend on one day.
The worst thing about spending so much is that your guests will almost certainly judge, criticize, or complain about every part of it.
- “Are you sure you are not going to have the ceremony in the church?”
- “Taco? Will everyone like this? “
- “You should use the flower shop that Jim used instead. They were better. “
Unlike any other party, people seem to think that every aspect of a wedding has to be considered. Honestly, I did it too. It seems like a natural part of wedding culture. I definitely said, “The party was fun, but the food could have been better” about the wedding before. In the meantime, the couple have spent thousands of dollars and a fair amount of time on their guests, and I rate the food as Jonathan Gold.
After a while you start to take offense, and this further aggravates the situation. Even worse, many people don’t even like going to weddings. Jokes that you once laughed at , like this one, start to annoy you:
You can’t help but feel annoyed when people have no idea how much time, effort, and money it takes to make this event as enjoyable as possible for your guests. And when those guests start complaining, you really want you to just run away.
Too many fucking rules
Before I started planning, a married friend warned me that friends and family would get their opinions on what was appropriate and what was inappropriate for a wedding. “No, my people are not like that,” I said. I was wrong. I had to discuss everything: from why we do not have weddings in churches to why we decorate them with succulents.
If you are planning a wedding, be prepared to spend a lot of time puzzling over the rules of the wedding, especially if tradition is not your priority. Several etiquette issues that I had to solve and study:
- What color will some guests wear
- How to address invitations
- Who can and cannot come to the rehearsal dinner
- How many people should there be at each wedding
For me, as an unconventional person (who gets married – the irony does not escape), none of these matters to me, but to other people they do not matter. If you are not ready to follow the rules, be prepared to explain why you chose to break them.
How to escape instead
When most people think about running away, they think about running to Vegas for an Elvis-themed wedding.
This is one way to do it, but you don’t have to run away if you don’t want to. Perhaps you are the only two, or you can invite your family or a couple of friends. The choice is yours. I knew a couple who ran away and just called a few friends that day to see if they would like to join. This is a risky move and some people may be unhappy with you, but in general it is about escaping, so you can consider it normal.
It’s worth noting that depending on where you get married, you may need one or two more witnesses besides the official. These witnesses will need to sign your license to validate it.
Aside from your guest list, here’s how the process works.
Choose your location
The fun part: choose where you want to escape. Of course, there is always a local court – and you can pick up the license and file it the same day – but if you’re looking for something different, you have a variety of options.
Lonely Planet has a fun list of places to get away and you obviously want to keep your budget and schedule in mind, but that’s about travel in general. Depending on who you want to be, you can choose a central, accessible location for others.
In addition, some countries still do not recognize gay marriage (or even ban it entirely), so you want to check local laws before buying tickets. You can find LGBT rights around the world at Travel.state.gov .
Find an officer
Even when you run away, you need someone to attend your wedding . This could be a magistrate in your county clerk’s office, or a religious leader if you are getting married in a church or chapel, or just a friend or family member. You can also just find a waiter online .
If you choose a friend, he will have to be ordained, but it’s really easy. Find a ministry online , fill out an application, maybe pay a small fee and they’ll be certified.
Get a marriage license
Depending on where you get married, this can usually be done online. Visit the website of the county clerk you are planning to escape to, then search for “marriage license,” and the site should have information on how to get started. Typically, you fill out an application and then go to the county registrar’s office for a license. When completing the application, you will need your driver’s license details or some other proof of identity, the names and places of birth of your parents, as well as of course general information such as your address.
If you are planning to flee to another state or overseas, find out how the process works in that specific location. Budget Travel explains :
Before you even choose a location for your getaway / honeymoon, talk to the convention and visitor bureau to see which hoops you need to jump over to get your marriage license there. Some venues, while popular, have restrictions, such as waiting periods or minimum witnesses, that can interfere with your ideal ceremony. For example: “St. Lucia has very strict rules,” says Sean Rabideau, founder of Shawn Rabideau Events & Design in New York. “You have to send all the paperwork, and the resort kind of helps you with that — they bring it to the local city office — but you really have to follow the rules. Otherwise, you might find out – and it happened – people found out that they were not even legally married. “
This is generally good advice, but especially if you are running away from home.
By completing the online application, you and your partner will need to visit the registrar’s office in person. The app should tell you exactly where to go. You also need to have your ID with you and be prepared to pay the license fee. Ours cost about $ 100 for Los Angeles.
If you want, you can get married now. The clerk issuing your license will ask if you plan to get married that day, and if you do, they will give you instructions on where to go and what to do. Otherwise, it is worth pointing out that your license is valid for a certain time (usually 90 days). It must be signed and submitted within the specified time frame.
Apply for marriage
Finally, after you read your vows and the ceremony is over, your officer and witnesses will be required to sign a license. Traditionally, an official mails it to you (or returns it to the county clerk’s office), but you can usually do it yourself as well.
As attractive as running away sounds to me now, weddings can be fun, too. This is one of the few times in life where almost everyone you love and care about is in the same room together. And best of all, these people are witnessing an important and wonderful milestone in your life. As stressful as it is, the older you get, the fewer these moments you have, so you can enjoy them whichever path you choose.