Four Things I Wish I Knew Before I Went to High School

We shared accepts high school graduates , college years , going to graduate school , long distance relationships , surrender to rent first apartment , buy a house , planning a wedding , getting married , becoming a parent , and divorce . They all pale in comparison to the most difficult thing each of us does in this life: attending high school.

Welcome to Gawker Media’s Seniors Week! Here’s a quick rundown: We’re not going anywhere, and neither is Lifehacker, but ahead of our parent company acquisition this week, we’ll add a little spice to your regular serving of tips, tricks, and downloads for getting things done. … We’ll post a few takes, a few unusual tricks you might want to try, and some other goodies we wouldn’t normally use. Enjoy!

Changing your hairstyle will change everyone’s opinion of you.

Your parents and teachers told you that your appearance doesn’t matter. Let me tell you, I once tried a new hairstyle by adding a little Mom’s hair mousse to my hair, and I can attest that your appearance is very important in high school.

I blame Brad Pitt’s hair on the Seven for that . I’m not sure who I tricked into letting me watch this movie to begin with, but my main takeaway was that I liked the wet dog image that Pitt portrayed in the movie, and my decision to get it for myself was to run into my mom’s hair. styling products, I put a little mousse on my hair and run my hand over it. The end result was a strand of hair that looked more likeAce Ventura than Brad Pitt.

When I came to school with shaggy hair, a girl I didn’t know was in love with me, looked at me with wide eyes and then asked, “What the hell have you done with your hair?” Later that day, a friend of hers told me that this hairstyle changed her mind about me. The crush is gone.

It was a hard lesson, but I’m glad I learned it early on: don’t try to change your hairstyle unless you’re ready to deal with the consequences.

Don’t experiment with these cool skinny jeans

At some point in seventh grade, I decided my cargo pants were stupid and I decided I wanted to start wearing jeans. I really liked cowboys at the time, so I found cool skinny jeans that I thought made me look like I belonged to the Good, the Bad and the Ugly .

I came to school in my cool new skinny jeans and was very excited to show them off. As I walked up the stairs to my locker in the morning, this girl, Katie, said, “Nice cowboy pants,” in a very sarcastic tone. The sarcasm crushed me.

It didn’t make the day any better. For now obvious reasons, the high school boy’s skinny pants are all bad news, and by the end of the day, I decided to never wear my cool new jeans again.

I went back to wearing cargo pants until high school and then moved on to Dickies, which are basically the school equivalent of cargo pants. Be that as it may, get used to this strange and brutal honesty on the part of strangers, because people never stop voicing their unwanted opinions about what you are wearing.

It’s okay for John to smell like a subway sandwich

If you play sports in high school, you will smell a strange smell. After a few basketball games, John always smelled like Metro. This is not because he ate Subway for lunch, but because the body odor smells like Subway.

It’s okay though. Now that you’re in high school, it’s time to buy some deodorant. It doesn’t matter what deodorant you buy , just buy something. Everyone around will appreciate it.

You are not really going to dance in a dance

In high school, you will be invited to a couple of dances. You might even have a date. Be that as it may, you are not actually going to dance this dance, so stop hoping and don’t bother learning the movements to “This is how we do it.

Dancing in high school is nothing more than a confrontation. Girls on one side, boys on the other. Some people have the guts to dance. Others may start walking up to ask someone to dance, but when they are halfway there, they will turn around in shame.

But here’s the thing: the best possible outcome is as bizarre and uncomfortable as standing in a corner and talking to friends. If you have the guts to ask someone to dance, the best you’ll get is two people swaying awkwardly to somerandom slow song that the DJ decides to play.

Trust me, skip this and talk to your friends about how you could improve Altered Beast by making jumping work like Super Mario Bros. is a much better time off.

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