The Power of Loneliness
I enjoy doing things alone – eating lunch, playing games , watching movies – but some people find the idea depressing, sad, or just for people who have no one to be with. This is nonsense. Doing things yourself develops self-reliance, gives you time to think honestly, and forces you to learn a little about how you like yourself – or at least figure out why you don’t.
Never miss an unforgettable experience for no reason
The more you hesitate to go it alone, the more you are doing yourself a huge disservice. How many times have you wanted to do something fun but couldn’t find someone to join you? “I’m not going to the movies alone,” you tell yourself, “it won’t be so much fun.” But research shows that we have an awful lot of guesswork about how much we’re going to enjoy things on our own, and that holds us back.
Rebecca Ratner , a marketing professor at the University of Maryland , has studied people’s reluctance to engage in solo activities for many years, and she believes that reluctance leads to people generally having less joy in their lives . In Ratner’s No Alone Bowling Study, published in the Journal of Consumer Research , she found that people consistently underestimate how much they enjoy watching shows, going to a museum, watching a movie, and eating alone in a restaurant. …
This becomes a major problem when it becomes an automatic response to anything you want to do. Not only does this limit your enjoyment, but as Ratner points out, the longer you wait, the worse it gets. Your time is a limited resource , and anything you put off today because you didn’t want to do it alone won’t be an option later, whether you are alone or with someone.
If you are worried that people will think that you are eating at a table for one or sitting alone in a dark theater, take comfort in this: no one cares . People don’t think about you as much as you think. Unless you’re sobbing while eating your solo dinner, or screaming about your loneliness in the back of the theater, no one pays attention to you. Also, when you are making an effort to spend more time with “me”, this is your choice. Everything is under your control. You don’t have to feel like a sad little bag for choosing to do this.
Flying alone gives you freedom, control and time to think.
What’s for dinner? What would you like. What are your plans for the evening? Anything. What kind of music should we listen to? This is a guilt pop song that you love to sing as loud as you can. You rule and you rule with an iron fist. Time spent alone eliminates social democracy and you don’t have to worry about anyone’s schedule other than your own. You can order food when you’re ready, watch the movie you want to watch when it’s convenient for you, and be as spontaneous as you like.
You also don’t have to worry about entertaining someone. There is no need to maintain your appearance, try to be good, or worry about someone having a good time. The only thing that matters is whether you are having a good time. Also, focusing on yourself means that you will have more mental energy for when you are spending time with other people.
Most importantly, if you do something alone, it gives you time to think and reflect . You have more thoughts than you think, and time helps you deal with them. This is a meditative approach, and when you allow your mind to wander, the stress that weighs on you is relieved. It is also a time when you can truly be yourself, or if you don’t know who you are yet, it’s time you can use to find out . How can you be yourself around other people if you don’t know how it feels to be alone?
Self-sufficiency is the highest skill
There is nothing more inspiring than independence. The less you need from others, the more you will ultimately achieve. When you go alone, you are forced to learn how to deal with everything on your own. You transform from a screwdriver in a toolbox to a capable multitool. It increases your self-confidence and increases your confidence, not only in society, but in many aspects of your life. When you can’t rely on your friends or colleagues, you will know how to deal with it, deal with it without straining yourself, and when you really need to ask for help, not push your boundaries.
Moreover, when you are self-sufficient, no one stands in the way of your goals, except yourself. When you are comfortable doing something on your own, you are the only one who keeps you from traveling abroad , attending classes , attending a group that you like, or doing something that you have always wanted. Of course, freedom is a double-edged sword. Having control also means that you don’t have anyone to use as an excuse or support, but it might just be the fire you need to move.
Being comfortable alone does not mean being antisocial.
However, balance is everything. Being comfortable in your own skin and being alone doesn’t mean you don’t enjoy spending time with others. It also does not mean that you close yourself off from the world. I may enjoy spending time alone, but I can still see my friends playing games, chatting and watching Game of Thrones. Every Wednesday I meet with the running club, and when I go out alone with other people, I strike up friendly conversations. In fact, being alone has helped me develop my social skills . It’s nice to meet people who are not like you , so try to get a taste of the world outside of your clique.
However, I also like times when I’m a little more withdrawn. We all need a break from the world sometimes, but it’s all a carefully thought-out balance. You don’t have to spend all of your time with people, but you also don’t have to spend all of your time locked up. We all need social interaction, but don’t let it become a crutch.
When someone asks me why I like doing something alone, I will explain, but then I will ask my question: “Why do you need other people to do what you want to do?” I get answers like “doing things with people is more fun” or “necessary” (sometimes correct), or “I don’t want people to think I’m weird,” or some other vague answers.
Sometimes, however, I ask myself a question. People don’t know what to answer because, well, they don’t! If you think doing something alone is depressed or weird, think about it seriously. Why don’t you want to spend time with your one and only self? You might think that you need a co-pilot to support you, but you never know until you take your first solo flight.