Spoiler for Your April Fools Day 2016 Rally
Today is a fool’s day. This means that you have two options: either you can mourn the fact that today is a day of competitive corporate stupidity and the word “prank” has become meaningless, or you can laugh with us at these pranks. Join me as we ruin everyone’s fun with our annual prank spoiler.
Let’s get rid of everything Google
Smart Reply to Inbox Emoji : When someone sends you an email asking you to make an appointment, chances are good that you’re thinking, “Ouch.” Or when you get the 17th update on this topic that you stopped caring about about 10 emails ago, you just want to say ?. Or maybe your friend just emailed you pictures from Vegas and you get inspired to get up and ?. Whatever you want to say, emoticons can say it better (obvs). So we decided that we would take the deep neural network behind Smart Reply and make it more daring.
Lifehacker discourages and advises against responding to your boss’s emails with copious emojis if you value your work.
Groovy Maps : Internet. Offline. #FunkyTown is always to fly. Just bring your cool moves.
This one turns the man into a funky town, and if you open Google Maps, you can send a link to your phone that will open a short video showing the man dancing. It’s much less cool than turning “Can you take me to Funky Town?” Into a valid voice command indicating direction as I expected. It seems like a lot of people need advice on how to get there.
Emoji Search on Google Photos : We’re taking our groundbreaking visual search to the next level. From now on, search within your photos with emojis – tags are still not required.
Okay, new game. Every time one of these pranks uses emojis, take a photo. Then try to explain to your boss why by nine o’clock in the morning you are completely intoxicated.
Google Cardboard Plastic : Google Cardboard Plastic combines everything you love about VR headsets with everything you love in reality.
You’re right, Google. The idea of strapping a person a transparent piece of plastic for the “increase” your real reality would be pretty stupid .
Gmail Mic Drop : Today, Gmail makes it easier to say the last word in any email with Mic Drop. Just reply to any email using the new Send + Microphone button. Everyone will get your message, but this is the last thing you ever heard of. Yes, even if people try to answer, you won’t see it.
You might think we ran out of jokes about mic passingin 2012 , but for some reason Google pulled out this antique for the Gmail feature. However, Google Trends believes that we peaked in January of this year . However, this was more likely due to the influx of people trying to find out if President Obama really dropped the microphone in the State of the Union (he didn’t ). This is what happens when you determine if your jokes are trendy based on search data.
I want to thank YouTube, Google Trends and Google Search for helping me humorlessly and analytically refuting this Google joke.
Update: The sun barely rose on the east coast and Google is already backing away from it because, you know what? It ‘s kind of messy with people’s morning emails .
Google Japanese Typing : Google 日本語 入 力 は 、 い つ ど こ で も 思 い ど の 日本語 入 力 を べ く 々 進化 を 続
If you cannot read Japanese, this is the keyboard used to enter hiragana characters . Luckily, the video above is subtitled, which is great because “You can even turn your half-eaten chocolate bar into a keyboard” is perhaps the funniest thing I’ll see today.
realBooks: The Google Play Team is pleased to announce the launch of realBooks.
I’m pretty sure this video was just an excuse for someone not to get rid of a huge collection of old Android phones and tablets.
SnoopaVision: Welcome to SnoopaVision, a totally immersive experience that lets you watch any YouTube video 360 degrees with Snoop Dogg.
Well, obviously this isn’t a totally immersive experience with Snoop Dogg. Unless you are skating on your own.
Self-driving bike from Google: This self- driving bike provides safe city navigation for Amsterdam residents and supports Google’s drive to improve urban mobility through technology.
Not only does every Google product department have their April Fools’ Day jokes, but Google offices in every country.
ThinkGeek pretends many of these products won’t be real someday
Star Trek White Noise Sleep Machine : The Star Trek White Noise Sleep Machine delivers the low hum of a familiar spaceship exploring a corner of an as-yet-unknown galaxy to gently soothe you.
Or, if you want to save money, you can playthis video while you sleep. Or you can choose from a variety of other videos here . Or create your own Star Trek style white noise soundscape with this online tool . Obviously ThinkGeek is very late to the shockingly crowded Star Trek white noise market.
Taste of the Day Desk Calendar : ThinkGeek is proud to bring you the very first Taste of the Day desk calendar. 366 different flavors that will take your tongue on a culinary journey around the world.
“Johnson, are you dealing with your calendar?”
“No sir. It’s just … well, it’s orange dream day and I’m really enjoying myself.
“It is legal”.
Useless Light Switch : No one will ever leave a light on again with a useless light switch.
Also works as a very slow strobe.
VR Touch Immersion Generator : Take your VR gaming experience to the next level with the VR Touch Immersion Generator. It provides multisensory accompaniment to your VR headset for a truly immersive experience.
Let’s face it. Getting splashed in the face with a spray gun is probably not the strangest thing you’ve ever done in VR.
Attack of the Titans. Colossal Titans Lawn Decoration : Thanks to the built-in air pump, this Attack of the Titans by Colossal Titans lawn decoration will be lifted up and peek through your wall in minutes. Its durable, tear-resistant polyester body is equipped with safety cables and stakes to prevent unintentional damage.
It will be either very difficult to pass the HOA, or you have the coolest HOA in history (which is not a high bar).
baRPG : baRPG has dungeon crawling mechanics, but lacks the advanced math that is sometimes used in tabletop sessions (which gets much more difficult with alcohol) .
It just formalizes the long-standing informal rule that RPGs are better when it comes to alcohol.
Magic: The Gathering – Travel Edition : Contains 120 mini-cards, Magic: The Gathering – Travel Edition takes all the benefits of your standard Magic deck, now in a super concentrated form. The carrying case itself converts into a battle board with a built-in play mat and life counters for one-on-one combat.
What’s this? Card game for ants ?!
Plumbus : At ThinkGeek, we only offer plumb bobs. It will take a little longer, but we think it will be worth it. And we think you will agree.
We always stand for quality when it comes to the items you use every day, so it makes sense to invest in a quality plumb line. Low-quality plumb lines often have abrasive layers of ploobis. Some manufacturers also save on flib juice. Fortunately, ThinkGeek Plumb bobs uselocally made and handcrafteddinglebops to create premiumplumb bobs that can always get the job done.
The rest of the internet is trying to be funny
Grüber: Grüber heralds a new era in food delivery and sharing and will enable people to travel with existing Grubhub delivery drivers. Ideal for those who love the smell of food and find places quickly.
I only agree with this idea if you can pay your driver to buy delicious smelling food from the person he delivers to. Like an eBay sniper, but with more delicious results.
Kornhub: All on the cob ! The whole site is on the cob!
This is the funniest thing I’ve seen today and I won’t even try to surpass it. I am not referring to that either. Please, office workers. Be sure to check out everything about hot cobs on cobs on your non-working phone at lunchtime.
OpenTable Taste : OpenTable, the world’s leading provider of online restaurant reservations, today announced “OpenTable Taste,” a new feature exclusively available in the OpenTable app that helps diners discover the perfect dish simply by clicking on a phone, phablet. or tablet.
Okay, this is the second rally this year where you lick things that aren’t meant to be licked and it gets weird.
HeavyBubbles: sparkling water that makes you sweat.
If only Prince Oberyn used Heavy Bubbles for training …
The current time you need to waste your time comes from Blizzard. Which isn’t really that much different from the way Blizzard works every other day of the year.
Netflix Original: John Stamos : A VERY exciting new original documentary like no other. “John Stamos: Human Being” is out on Netflix on April 31.
Netflix’s hot idea: Replace all TV show thumbnails with this still image.
Burrit-Oh! : Zoosk, a leading technology-driven dating company, today announced a new revolution in online dating – Burrit-OH !, a mobile dating site that uses a new game-changing burrito compatibility framework to match dating potential and embed securely burritos into every aspect of the online dating experience.
There were some real-life dating app suggestions in my inbox that were worse than this, so I’m not sure if this is more absurd humor or a poignant satirical comment.
HuluDatr : Today we are proud to introduce HuluDatr, a revolutionary free new app that Hulu subscribers can now subscribe to and change the way they find their soul mates. When activated, HuluDatr uses patented state-of-the-art algorithms that combine singles to watch TV based on their most watched shows and movies.
Another fake dating app that is probably better than most real dating apps. As if we weren’t all looking in the OK Cupid profiles for other show people we like.
Duolingo Pillow : Duolingo, the world’s most popular online language learning platform, has made its first foray into hardware with the new Duolingo PillowTM, revolutionary technology that promises fluency in a foreign language after one night of sleep!
Pros: Learn a new language in your sleep, the interface is simpler than a phone app. Cons: You can also only remember a new language in a dream, the pillow causes severe neck pain the next day.
Tesla Model 3: The Model 3 combines real range, performance, safety and roominess in a premium sedan that only Tesla can build. It is the most affordable vehicle to date, the Model 3, delivering 215 miles per charge from a starting price of just $ 35,000 excluding benefits.
Tesla has unveiled a (relatively) affordable electric vehicle that can (sometimes) drive itself, and you can pre-order it online. I’m not kidding. The real joke is that most of us still won’t be able to live long in Elon Musk’s
Tony Stark futuristic dream world.
For a vague definition of the word “noble”:
- T-Mobile’s Binge On Up headset forgets the Oculus Rift, making real life more dumb than this “joke.”
- Blizzard continues the tradition of making the best patch notes .Hearthstone: MMOs are n’t that good.
- Many , many , many companies put on rallies, which essentially boiled down to “what we usually do, but with dogs.”
- We can also throw all those Tinder for Blank messages into one big trash can .
Also, I want to thank the internet as a whole for having almost completely ignored selfies and selfie sticks this year. Well done.
We’ll be updating this post throughout the day, adding new official jokes as we find them.