The Biggest Waste of Time We Regret As We Grow Old
We spend a lot of energy looking for shortcuts to save time, and of course those shortcuts add up. But when I look back, my biggest regret is not spending too much time on Twitter or not doing my day-to-day tasks well. These are bad habits, but there are more serious and systematic waste of time that really get in the way. Removing them will free up a tremendous amount of time and energy.
Don’t ask for help
The first week after graduating from college at my first job, my boss handed me a huge spreadsheet. He told me to organize it in such a way that it didn’t make any sense to me. Being a quiet and timid person, I just nodded, went back to my desk and looked at this table for about an hour, hoping to figure it out (yes, just like George Costanza and the Penske file ).
Finally, a colleague of mine walked in and I admitted that I had no idea what to do. He broke it for me and then gave some advice that has never left me since then: “You may feel stupid asking questions, but you look stupid when you don’t understand because you couldn’t ask.”
It was tough, but true. And I not only looked like an ass, but I could have saved a lot of time that day just by asking my boss what he meant. It got me thinking how much time I wasted without asking for help over the years. As silly as you may seem, asking questions is the quickest way to get an answer.
Likewise, asking for help is a great way to get help. This is why networking and finding a mentor is essential. Whether you feel stuck in your career or need to learn new skills and are unsure of where to start, connecting with others in your field will go a long way. Even if it’s just a short email, asking for help is a shortcut to your career. Try Leo Widrich’s formula for emailing help :
2-3 sentences of sincere appreciation. There is a reason why you are asking someone for help. They have a lot of experience in this area, they have worked on a startup / idea related to what you are working on, or else. Doing so will show them that you are wondering why they are being chosen to ask for help.
One sentence that asks one specific question that people can give you an answer to. Here’s one that worked really well when I asked Noah:
“What was the single most valuable user acquisition strategy for Mint after you hit 100,000 users?”
Here’s another way to look at it: If you’re not asking for help, you’re probably not challenging yourself enough. If you have the answers to all your questions, you are not learning new skills, trying new things, or moving forward and leaving your comfort zone. There are several reasons why we do not ask for help, but usually it is because we are too proud or scared, and it is a huge waste of time because it prevents you from moving forward.
Attempts to mend bad relationships
Relationships require support, but there is a difference between maintaining a good relationship and trying to impose a bad one, which doesn’t make much sense to begin with.
There are many emotions in romantic relationships and friendships, so it can sometimes be difficult to tell when to keep trying or just stop . Like many people, I often made bad decisions that wasted my time and the time of the person I was with. For instance:
- Thinking that I have more in common with the person I am dating than I really do
- Being in a relationship to avoid being alone
- Staying in a relationship only for fear of losing someone
There are good reasons for wanting to mend a relationship, but they are not good. They cloud your judgment, prolong your unhappiness, and distract you from the things that matter most to you. At the same time, it’s hard to say that all bad relationships are a waste of time because you learn a lot about yourself from them. It’s a sure silver lining, but the sooner you learn these lessons, the better.
Likewise, not dealing with the emotional aftermath of a breakup is also a waste of time. When a relationship ends, we usually go through the typical stages of grief associated with loss . It’s easy to get used to denial and convince yourself that we don’t care and we’re okay. In fact, ignoring pain only prolongs it. Our work suffers ; the rest of our relationship suffers.
Get hung up on your mistakes and shortcomings
Learning from your mistakes is one thing. Obsessing over them wastes your time, lowers your self-confidence, and prevents you from getting on with your life.
Dwelling also increases the likelihood of repeating mistakes . In a recent study published in the Journal of Consumer Psychology , researchers asked subjects to spend money on an imaginary trip to the mall. Before “buying,” some subjects were asked to recall a past financial mistake. They found that these subjects were more likely to take on debt. The research press release states:
Perhaps most surprising, according to Hose, is that searching in the past can negatively affect behavior, depending on the ease of recall, even when past examples are positive … Instead of thinking about the past, Hose said her research behavior suggests that setting goals for the future can positively change current behavior … In short, if we want to have better self-control, “Look ahead,” says Hos. “Do not look back”.
When you think about your own experience, it probably makes sense. Home makes you feel like a failure. When I feel like a failure, it’s easy to tell myself that there is no point in trying because I already suck. (Consequently, you go into debt when you already feel overwhelming.)
Of course, you also don’t want to miss out on your mistakes and ignore them. The goal is to learn from them and then release the failure . I like the way Emily Vapnik does it :
To let go of the past, you must officially forgive yourself.
Feel embarrassment or shame one last time. Really feel it with your whole body. Then tell yourself that everyone makes mistakes and you know this was not your intention. It was an accident. Finally, make the decision to forgive yourself and do it. It even helps to say it out loud.
From now on everything is in order. You are forgiven.
Every time that thought comes back, just remind yourself that you are already forgiven so that there is no more reason to feel unwell. Then push that thought away.
Another of my biggest regrets is that I don’t allow myself to fail out of fear of my own shortcomings.
For years I lived in a comfortable place and didn’t try to do what I wanted. I wanted to travel after school, but instead I went to college near my home because I was too shy to meet new people and I was afraid that I would not be able to do it in another city. After college, I wanted to become a freelance writer, but instead decided to find a more stable and affordable job because it was easier. There is nothing wrong with wanting to live a stable, comfortable life, but I did it for the wrong reasons: because I was afraid of failing.
In the end, I got tired of it. I decided to find a job that I really enjoy, travel more and live somewhere else. On my way, I made a lot of mistakes, and even when I succeeded, I felt like an impostor . However, I think the biggest mistake was not to try earlier. Even if I failed, I would have learned from my mistakes much earlier.
Too much worry about other people
It’s also easy to waste time worrying about other people. Don’t get me wrong – your friends and loved ones mean a lot to you and you want to spend time caring for them. But we also spend a lot of time worrying about issues that don’t matter in the long run.
For example, for years I was annoyed with people who undermine me . I complained about them, tried to understand them, wondered what was wrong with me, that I inspired such behavior. These habits always come to a standstill because they don’t involve action. The older I got, the less tolerant I became of this behavior, and I learned to nip it in the bud .
I also indulged in other useless emotions: jealousy . I compared myself to everyone, wanted what they had and felt inferior. As with most negative, destructive feelings, the first (and biggest) step to overcoming them is understanding them.
I noticed my jealousy and what provoked it, and then I learned that it was not so much about the other person, but about my own feelings of inferiority. In short, I accepted this jealousy . Jealousy is a little different, but often it comes from the same place, and here’s what writer Trent Hamm suggests to deal with your envy:
The question is, why do you need this in life? I like to use “five whys” to answer this question. Whenever I try to answer the “why” question, I repeat it five times, asking the answer I come up with for each question. When you identify a specific strong desire that you have, take a step back and break it down into small pieces. Then see if you have a way to address these smaller issues in your own life. Again, let’s take that international trip. What do I need on this trip? I want to introduce my children to different cultures…. The point is, when I start to break this journey into small pieces, I begin to see fragments that I can easily incorporate into my life.
Once you understand why you are feeling jealous or jealous, you can take action to solve the problem, be it handling emotions or setting goals for yourself. It’s much more productive anyway.
Most of us are probably guilty of all of this at some point, and in fact, that’s human nature. Regret is another big waste of time, so there is no point in berating yourself for it. However, the sooner you learn from them, the faster you can free up your time and energy to live the life you want.