How to Travel With a Friend Without Hammering Each Other
No matter how well you know someone, traveling together is likely to teach you something new. Maybe they get up early and are full of energy. Maybe they’re a terrible dump truck. Sometimes it is annoying and sometimes it can lead to a big fight. However, it doesn’t have to be that way. With some planning, you can ensure that your trip is a success.
Be clear about who pays for what and when
Before your journey begins, you want to set some boundaries. You probably don’t feel like talking about boring financial details when planning a fun trip or adventure, so it’s tempting to drop the discussion altogether. I made this mistake while traveling with my best friend many years ago. One of us booked part of the trip, and instead of figuring out how to split the cost of the flight, accommodation and other expenses, we just ignored it, saying, “Oh, we’ll figure it out later.” Not smart. After the trip, when it was time to sort things out, we ended up on more than one page, and this led to a big dispute that took months to resolve.
It is easier to compromise before the trip than after. Review all of your travel expenses and related concerns. For example, if you split AirBnb in half, who gets the big room? If one person must be driving during your trip, should the other pay for a little more gas? Sharing this with a good friend may seem like overkill, but it’s better to err on the part of clarity. There may be some travel expenses that can catch you off guard too. For instance:
- Tips : Do you and your friend have different ideas about how much to tip or who should you tip?
- Hotel deposit: Are you satisfied with using your credit card to pay the hotel deposit?
- Money exchange fees: If any of you withdraw cash, will you split the fees in half or in turns?
Problems can also arise when one friend earns significantly more or less than the other . Your higher paid friend may want to do things that you cannot afford. Or you can sleep peacefully at the hostel while they plan to stay at the 5-star hotel. Or, if you make more money, you may be overly generous , which may make your friend feel guilty and uncomfortable. It’s hard to enjoy the ride when you feel guilty.
Whatever the scenario, you want to talk about these topics in advance. Discuss how much is comfortable for you to spend on the trip and what you can afford to spend on food, entertainment, transportation, etc.
You might even consider setting a travel budget for both of you. Think about how much you each set aside for the trip, then divide some of that money into different categories. For instance:
- You will share all expenses
- Money you plan to spend together
- Money you plan to spend on your own
- Set amount for contingencies
- Set amount for souvenirs or go broke.
It can be embarrassing to talk about the monetary details at first, but you’ll be glad you did.
Plan your main route
When you are calculating your budget, you also want to talk about what you both want to do on your trip.
For example, I recently went on a road trip with a friend and she articulated our vacation goals well. “What do you want to achieve on this number one trip?” she asked. I just wanted to relax. “Okay, I want to learn something,” she said. “Do you like that I take your car for a couple of days alone?” And it was wonderful because it meant that I would have time alone to relax. We both got what we wanted and all it took was to define our vacation goals at the start of the trip. Without this discussion, she would probably be surprised (and annoyed) that I was messing around, and I would be annoyed that she decided to take my car and investigate it.
Your vacation goals may be more specific. If you’re planning a trip to Italy with a friend, your priority might be to visit the Colosseum and cross it off your wishlist. Perhaps your friend’s top priority will be a trip to Venice. Whatever the details, make a list of the places or activities you must visit beforehand, and then decide how you will prioritize and allocate your time.
It is also helpful to be alone. Especially if you, like me, need time to recharge, it is important to separate at some point during the trip. This way, you will have time to think, as well as to do things that are important to you , but may not be so important for your travel companion.
Discuss your travel styles
Knowing each other’s habits, routines, and behaviors can also help you know what to expect.
My girlfriend and I, for example, have very different TV watching habits. Namely, she likes to turn off the TV so she can read, and I prefer the nasty, screaming cable news as background noise. As you can imagine, it drove my friend crazy. So we agreed not to turn off the TV in the morning while she read, and in the afternoon I could watch any shitty TV I wanted (it turns out I underestimated how pleasant silence can be).
With a little understanding and compromise, we’ve overcome this, but little things like this can add up. Maybe your friend likes to get up early and makes some noise when getting ready in the morning while you are still sleeping. Maybe you enjoy taking a long shower, or you have an hour of your morning routine, and your friend enjoys getting up and out of the house first thing. Either way, your quirks easily contradict each other. You haven’t even realized that your friend’s habits are annoying as hell and you just want the trip to end. The independent traveler offers :
Understand that these differences will be an issue, and be sure to talk about how to deal with them before you begin your trip. Compatible travel styles are probably more important than similar interests in predicting successful travel partnerships. Respect each other’s style and be prepared to meet in the middle. Such fundamental differences can only be resolved through negotiations.
In some cases, discussing your differences in advance can make you realize that you are generally not very suitable for travel. When I traveled with my best friend many years ago, we had to foresee the coming conflict, because we are both stubborn in the most incompatible directions. For example, I was very bad at dealing with the stress of travel, and he was not well prepared. So if he forgot, say, to get tickets for something, I would have dumped, and we would have had a big fight. It definitely weakened our friendship.
Share responsibilities
When one person does all the work and planning, this is a surefire way to resent your friendship. Let’s say you do all the work needed to create the perfect vacation: you explore, book rooms, plan fun activities, book tickets – everything works. Your friend happily takes on half of their costs, but what about the time, effort, and stress you dealt with? After a while, you may feel hurt. Travel Blog This Battered Suitcase offers :
Talk often about what you do before you travel: buy insurance, apply for a visa, etc. Keep each other informed; There is nothing worse than realizing that an argument could have been prevented if you only communicated correctly. If you know you will be traveling together, you can also pack accordingly … but know when to take full responsibility. There are times when your friend, for whatever reason, is unable to help. Maybe she is seriously ill, or maybe she lost her wallet and cannot get cash. It’s time to be your best friend and get down to business.
Make a list of everything to do on your trip and assign tasks for each of you as early as possible.
Finally, communication is everything. Do your best to stay on the same wavelength while traveling together. Express your concerns as soon as you feel friction, otherwise it may cause resentment. For example, when I wanted to be alone, I would tell my friend about it. During the day I felt very weak and I didn’t want to do anything that required a lot of interaction or outdoor activities. When I became low-key, I made sure to let my friend know how I felt, so she didn’t think I was just angry with her.
You can learn a lot about a person by going on a journey with them, and sometimes what you learn can upset you. With a little preparation and planning, you can ensure a smooth forward movement for you and your travel partner.