The Charisma Myth: Practical Tips to Become More Likeable
Charisma, this irresistible magnetism that some people possess , is often viewed as a trait you were born with – either you have it or you don’t. However, in The Myth of Charisma, author Olivia Fox Boar explains that charisma is a skill you can learn and explains exactly how with examples, exercises and practical advice you can try with anyone.
This is part of the Lifehacker book review series . Not all life hacks can be described on a blog, so we decided to look at some of our favorite life changing books to dive deeper into the most important topics in life.
The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism is the first book by author Olivia Fox Kaban , but it is based on years of personal coaching, speaking engagements, and an impressive amount of scientific research. Cabane regularly coaches and interacts with Fortune 500 executives, was a columnist for Forbes and the Huffington Post, and taught a course so popular at Berkeley Business School that university staff had to be wary of unregistered students from visiting. Inside the book you will find many practical tips on how to become more charismatic, all backed up by rigorous research and simply explained with simple and straightforward examples.
Who is this book for?
This book is for anyone looking to improve their social game or advance their careers. As Kaban explains in his book, charisma can help in both your work and personal life, so it’s perfect for those looking to communicate better, give better presentations, close sales more often, find their next job, make new friends, or even better on dates. If you roll your eyes at the thought of a book that will help you become prettier right now, this book will probably surprise you. There are no hocus pocus or learn to love yourself mantras. Each lesson is filled with practical advice fit for real life, and the Boar explains why each one is effective every step of the way.
What do you get
This book covers several basic concepts that will help you understand and develop charisma. The name itself, The Myth of Charisma, attacks the widespread notion that charisma is what you have or not. It starts by explaining why it isn’t, explains the key characteristics of charismatic thinking, and then delves into the “how” of it all. Here’s what you will learn:
- In the chapter on Charismatic Behavior, you will learn that there are three keys to being charismatic: you need to be present when you interact with others; you need to radiate warmth, expressing goodwill towards others; and you need to appear strong, giving the impression of being able to influence the world around you.
- In the Overcoming Obstacles chapter, you will learn how to find the right mindset to become charismatic by dealing with discomfort, neutralizing negative thoughts, recognizing them rather than suppressing them, and reducing your anxiety by rewriting reality in your mind so that it suited you better. …
- In the chapter “First Impressions of Charismatics,” you will learn how quickly someone judges you, how people really like people, how to dress to impress, how to shake hands perfectly when you first meet, and how to gracefully leave a lasting impression. impression.
- In the chapter on Charismatic Body Language, you will learn how important it is to say “how” versus “what” was said, how body language can be an “emotional contagion” that infects the people around you, how to effectively reflect someone body. language and mannerisms, how to use personal space to your advantage, the power of charismatic posture, and how to use eye contact without being intimidated.
The book presents each topic beautifully, explains its importance, and then discusses the technical aspects. At the end of each section, you will also find a specific exercise that embodies the core value of the lesson. I have tried most of these exercises (some require different people or a specific environment) and have found that they are quite useful despite their simplicity. Plus, Kabane does a great job of using stories and fictional examples to explain each point in detail. You will never stop wondering, “What does she mean?” or “what does it matter?” Everything is very clear.
One trick you won’t succeed
There are so many good mental tricks and practical tips to learn here, but here’s one that really sticks out to me. Many of us worry about making a good first impression, so I really identified with the chapter on Charismatic First Impressions. The key to a good first impression is more than just appearing to be pleasant; it’s also about being unforgettable. This is why Kabane invites you to leave gracefully by offering the other person something of value before leaving:
- Info: An article, book, or website that you think might be helpful.
- Connection: someone they need to meet, who you know and who you can introduce them to
- Visibility: the organization you belong to, where you can invite them to speak
- Recognition: the award for which you think they should be nominated
Offering value will often make others feel warm and kind to you, and your withdrawal from the conversation will be overshadowed by the generosity you have created.
Also, don’t wait too long to end the conversation. You don’t have to sell yourself too much for a first impression. It’s all about the quality time you spend with the other person , not the quantity, so don’t be late with the appointment.
Our opinion
This book has it all. This will help you listen better and feel more confident around others. By the time you finish it, you will be very eager to go and try some of what you’ve learned. The best part: When you read a book, it doesn’t feel like you are reading some meaningless self-help guide. It looks more like a (fun) tutorial with well-documented information organized to be easy to understand. There is even a Key Findings section at the end of each chapter to help you repeat what you just read.
If I had to pick something that brings me to this book, it would be a plethora of examples that Cabane uses to explain most of the basic lessons. The examples are very good at explaining the essence of the matter, but sometimes they seem completely unnecessary. It might be better for them to be there for those who don’t understand it, but as soon as it clicks in your head, you feel like doing the rest. Of course, you can always skim these sections if you don’t need an explanation.
On a personal level, I specifically worked to become more charismatic and outgoing as I was a shy and awkward teenager. I’ve read a lot about how to increase sympathy, and even wrote about it several times here . That being said, it is one of the best resources I have ever come across. I’d love to read this back in high school, and its hands-on, serious approach makes it perfect for Lifehacker readers.
Keep in mind, however, that while this book is full of good advice, it won’t make you more charismatic overnight (or by the time you finish reading it). Kabane makes it clear that the strategies outlined in the book must be put into practice. Like any other skill, development requires purposeful practice. Put in some honest effort and advice and exercise here, however, and you might be surprised at how quickly you see some of the benefits.
You can get the book The Myth of Charisma: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism on the Amazon Kindle or in paperback for about $ 9. You can also find out more about the author on her website .