Do It Tonight: Play This Game to Be More Present During Sex
As fun as being intimate with your partner is, it’s damn easy to disconnect or be distracted mentally, even at the moment. Here’s one simple game you can play to stay in the present in a more fun and sexy way.
How to play for adults “Red light, green light”
Remember how you played Red Light Green Light as a child? The general premise was that the show was hosted by one person and everyone else lined up at some distance. The one who was shooting shouted “green light” and everyone rushed to the finish line. When the “red light” sounded, everyone had to immediately freeze in place.
The rules are the same, but for adults. The next time you have intimacy, both partners will be able to signal a “red light” or “green light”. You can also use stop and go if you like, or maybe you have some fun joke you can use. One command to stop work and one to resume activity.
The basic version of the game is to give a red light when you feel like you are drifting or losing touch with your partner. Start thinking about the email to write? “Red light!” Notice that you are looking at the villi of your partner’s navel? “Red light!” Do you feel like your partner is looking at your nap? You get the picture.
Every time the “red light” or its equivalent is pronounced, you both should stop whatever you were doing and try to return to the present moment and connect with each other. You can move your body, but you can try to make eye contact, take a deep breath, laugh or smile at each other. Whatever you do, try to bring in a little frivolity at the moment. You can’t go back to fun until the same person says green light.
It is a simple game but can be easily adapted. Try to take turns focusing on each other and notice if you are more distracted when you give or receive. Or try letting only one person be the shooter in a given interaction. You can even use the game to tease each other, forcing yourself to stop when things get really hot and hard.
Better presence promotes better sex
If you’ve ever tried meditation or developed even the most rudimentary mindfulness practice, you know it’s ridiculously difficult to remain fully present for any significant period of time. Our brains are accustomed to constant overload and are difficult to shut down. Even if sex is your favorite part of the day, you can still be distracted by random thoughts or mentally drift away. It’s okay to float in and out of your mind, but more often than not, these little distractions snowball into a complete absence of presence. When you are mentally not there during sex, you cannot actually experience the pleasure or connection that makes sex so intimate. Your partner may feel like you’re gone too, and at best it diminishes the experience for them, and at worst makes you seem aloof or shy.
Playing this little game is a fun and easy way to learn to stay in the present most of the time when you are close with your partner. You don’t berate yourself for not being able to focus, give up hope, and stare at the ceiling until your partner is done. You make these reunion moments seem light-hearted and sweet. To whom is it not profitable?