Let’s Quit the Introvert / Extrovert Bullshit
Over the past few years, we’ve heard a lot about the significant differences between introverts and extroverts. We all sighed together, reading the descriptions of the individuals and thinking, “It’s me!” But like many personality stereotypes, they are not very helpful in understanding ourselves.
The idea of introversion and extraversion has been a hot topic for many years. Judging by the way most media outlets do this, one would think that there is a war going on between the two groups. You will find countless essays on how introverts can be leaders , speakers, and more, despite the world working against them. It’s the same with extroverts . However, all this self-identification does not lead us anywhere. It catches us with stereotypes and makes us feel like we have to behave in a certain way, when in reality few of us fall into the extreme binary system of introversion and extraversion. When you identify with one personality type, you run the risk of ignoring the actual needs of your body and brain, which is of no use to anyone.
The real difference between introverts and extroverts
There are many misunderstandings about what introversion and extraversion actually mean. For many people, an extrovert means sociability, and an introvert means shyness. Or maybe you consider introverts to be couch potatoes while extroverts chat with strangers on the street. Maybe you think introverts are sensitive and extroverts have thick skin. None of these stereotypes are true, so let’s get things right before we dive deeper into the weeds.
Introversion and extraversion are aspects of personality invented by Carl Jung in the early 20th century. Since then, they have often been included in personality scales such as the Myers-Briggs indicator . Shyness and sociability have nothing to do with it; it’s more about where we get our energy from. The differences are actually pretty simple:
- Introverts get tired of social interaction and need privacy to recharge.
- Extroverts get anxious when left alone and get energized by social interaction.
That’s all. There is nothing about shyness, being a couch potato, or how adventurous you are. Both types can be social, both can be creative, both can be leaders, and so on.
Countless studies show differences between extroverts and introverts in terms of dress choices ,sexual behavior, and more. The problem is that these studies show a correlation between introversion and extraversion brain differences, but they don’t show that brain differences cause introversion or extraversion. We still don’t know how it works. In the meantime, our friends at io9 have a great breakdown of many of these studies, if you’re interested.
People don’t usually fit into the introvert / extrovert binary
We love to categorize ourselves. If we can be identified by a label, we can rally behind that label. As a result, countless listicles and personality tests exist to bind us introverts or extroverts. The problem is that most of us fall somewhere in the middle, exhibiting the behavior of both. Jung names people who don’t fit into either of the extremes .
It should come as no surprise to anyone that the binary scale of human behavior is not entirely accurate. This is not a video game in which we clearly fall into the category of “good characters” or “evil characters”. Introversion and extraversion are part of the scale. As with political affiliation , most of us do not consider ourselves to be one extreme or the other.
As you probably guessed from the name, ambiverts tend to drift between introversion and extraversion depending on the context. For example, you may feel like you are drawing energy from time spent with one particular group of friends while another is draining you. These days, contrary to what you might want to believe, psychologists view introversion and extraversion as a spectrum in which we all tend to balance between two extremes.
Of course, this does not mean that people are no longer prone to introversion or extraversion. We do. But personality science is not accurate. A number of different factors affect our personality . From brain structure to personal history, we need many spectra to understand the whole person. Knowing which traits you have as an introvert or extrovert is part of a much larger puzzle, and it won’t help you predict your behavior without the rest of the pieces.
Personality is not a disorder or an excuse
You are not “fixing” introversion or extroversion. Personality type is not a condition or disorder that needs to be treated. Introversion is often equated with negative phenomena such as shyness, anxiety, or narcissism. Extroverts are often described as shallow, poor listeners, and overly energetic. For the most part, none of these traits have anything to do with introversion and extraversion.
For example, it’s common belief that introverts hate people, and that’s okay. This is not introversion, this is just an asshole. Extroverts can hate people too. Introverts can also enjoy talking to people and can have great social skills, just as extroverts can enjoy a beer at a bar themselves.
Moreover, when you identify with a highly binary system, you tend to use this personality type as an excuse or even ignore your own needs. For example, everyone needs to be alone, but if you identify as an extrovert, you may feel guilty about taking that excuse to stay home Saturday night. Conversely, if you identify as an introvert, you may want to skip social activities because you think you need to be alone when in reality spending time with friends will benefit you. I am to blame for this as well as everyone else .
Introversion and extraversion are not disorders that need to be corrected, but they are also not crutches to lean on. If you are imagining yourself in one way or another, be sure to extract some useful information from this and use it in the future. You don’t need to change your behavior, but when you understand your real needs at that moment , you will feel better.
Being introverted or extroverted is not “better”
We all want to be part of a winning group, and depending on which way you think you’re leaning, you’ll think it’s you. There is a lot of gossip on the internet claiming that both introverts and extroverts (and heck, even ambiverts ) are the best at everything. They are great for Facebook, where you can triumphantly say that you are the best and everyone else is the worst, but this is useless.
Introverts are no better than extroverts, and vice versa. For example, there is a persistent stereotype that introverts are more level-headed, creative, intelligent, and sophisticated. If you consider yourself more extroverted, you are probably very annoyed by such statements. Don’t worry: there is no real evidence that they are correct or that they are caused by your personality type.
However, there are communication difficulties between people who tend to be more introverted or extroverted , but neither is better or worse than the other. We are all different from each other in countless ways, and this is not limited to the spectrum of extraversion-introversion. Dealing with people is sometimes difficult, so we label each other to make it a little easier.
You can be an extrovert who loves to daydream and think deeply about ideas. You can be an introvert who loves to talk to people. You can be an assertive, loud-speaking introvert. You can be a sensitive, socially awkward extrovert. We need to get rid of outdated and self-diagnostic concepts of the binary personality, because they are useless in understanding who we really are.