How I Broke Out of My Social Comfort Zone by Saying Yes to Everything
For as long as I can remember, I have been predisposed to say no to social plans. If something is not in my comfort zone, I try to avoid it. But there is a problem: when you are not experiencing new things, life can get bored. Mine recently ended up somewhere between extreme discouragement and “what does it even matter what day of the week is today?”
I’m not overwhelmingly socially concerned, but I’m shy enough that it takes time for me to get used to situations and people. There is nothing wrong with introversion, of course, but it is still worth challenging yourself. Thus, for the past few years, I have been adhering to safe social activities. I’ll meet up with friends for a drink or a meal. I would happily bring barbecue snacks. I will wander and meet people, but I keep in my corner. When I took the time to look at myself and my life, I realized that I was in a rut. Both creatively and physically, I felt burned out and bored. I needed to break out of my comfort zone .
So, on a whim, I decided that my new answer would always be yes. I agree to do whatever my friends and family ask me to do. This led to all sorts of new experiences as I tried my brain, drank a Bangkok-inspired men’s health cocktail, and traveled halfway across the world with a stranger. And now, having returned home, I feel that I have got out of this rut. I am happier, burned out less, and ready for adventure for the first time in my life.
Karaoke night reminded me that no one is watching
Like most people, I don’t like to be embarrassed. But I’m also not a fan of watching other people embarrass themselves. Karaoke that seems to enjoy both of these things, so not my cup of tea. Even when you’re not participating, it’s still annoying that makes you giggle and die inside at the same time.
However, with no better plan, when a friend suggested singing karaoke for my last birthday, I agreed. This was the beginning of my “Any Plan” initiative, and karaoke seemed like a simple starting point to me.
I’m not new to the scene, but there is something about karaoke that has always turned me off. I agree with this, sometimes I will participate, but I never want to be there. But again, it was yes time, so I dived into the head first. I sang a couple of songs, relaxed and finally enjoyed it . Just a little bit.
I’ve spent almost my entire life learning not to make a fool of myself in public. This is good for the most part, but standing up and not singing Taylor Swift to anyone, I realized that it made me too serious for my own good. I understand perfectly well that no one cares about what I do , but I haven’t reminded myself about it for too long. People don’t care, and in most cases they don’t even notice that you exist, let alone make a fool of yourself.
In the end, social situations didn’t seem relaxing to me because I didn’t feel relaxed during them. Maybe it was overkill . It might have been over-analysis , but going outside felt like work anyway. When I figured it out and stopped caring about it, I calmed down a bit and, I swear to George, really had a little fun.
Strange cocktails reminded me to try something new
Put a menu of drinks in front of me, and 90% of the time I go straight to the beer section. Put a food menu in front of me, and most likely I’ll choose what I’ve heard of. Not that I’m particularly picky, but I like the convenience of what I know, so I gravitate towards the ordinary. It makes for a pretty boring meal. One evening, walking with friends, a friend noticed a rather mild-looking whiskey drink with an interesting addition:
Whiskey with Elephantopus Scaber, fresh lime, Saint Germain. Two drinks a day are recommended. (Plant name: Yaanaichhuvadi means “This plant looks like an elephant’s foot.”
It was the type of stupid drinks for dad that I try to avoid in restaurants. But in the era of “why not” and “yes,” we both decided to order one. It was terrible.
However, it was this simple, seemingly harmless order that gave birth to a completely new approach to food. I started looking for weirder menu items, be it food or drink. I would persuade my friends to try pork brains in a Chinese restaurant. We ate chicken legs. We drank cocktails solely because of the ridiculous names. It was all a gentle reminder of how much easier it was to step out of your comfort zone when you were around other people doing the same. This little baby step towards new food also made it easier to experiment in other areas of my life. I ventured to new parts of the city, to new places and much more. It’s amazing how trying one little new thing can push you even further. When you do this with others, you are bound to form bonds.
There isn’t a ton of research on why we tend to merge because of new shared experiences, but at least one study indicates that it doesn’t matter if it’s a good experience or a bad one. What matters is that we get closer to the people with whom we share them. In addition, as we pointed out earlier , new experiences also have a positive effect on your perception of time. When we process unfamiliar information, time seems to slow down. In other words, doing something as simple as giving up your usual menu items can do wonders for both your friendship and your time perception.
Relaxing with a stranger taught me the importance of spontaneity
Back in March, I contacted a friend of a friend on Instagram. We knew about each other’s existence, but we were never in the same place at the same time. At some point, we started talking about how we both regret that we had never traveled in our 20s. She half-jokingly asked me if I would like to go with her to Europe. I half-jokingly replied: “Of course.”
A week later, we both had tickets to Denmark, the Netherlands and Germany. There was a healthy “what the hell are you doing?” the atmosphere was in the air as I discussed this with friends and family. But I always came back to one thing a friend told me when I first mentioned this plan: “It doesn’t matter if you hate each other. You will still be on vacation in some of the best cities in the world. ”
I’m not spontaneous. In fact, the opposite is true: I think carefully about my plans. I will think too much and analyze to the point of inaction. This is why I have never traveled further from the USA than Vancouver. This trip through Europe seemed reckless to me, but it also opened my eyes to a side of me that I hadn’t seen in a long time: I was thrilled and surprisingly calm, all things considered. As soon as we bought the plane tickets, the worry went away. By the time we went to Europe, I forgot that it was even a spontaneous decision from the very beginning. The ride went well, and on my way home I tried to figure out how I tricked my brain into staying so cold.
It was during these moments that I discovered that it was not just about saying yes to break out of my comfort zone. It was about fighting fear. I often said no because the inconvenience scared me and it kept me from all kinds of new experiences. After being in the comfort zone for too long, I began to feel cowardly. Having worked through a few yes points over the past few months, I’ve prepared myself for such a journey. It made me feel a little more comfortable in my skin. It also finally gave me the audacity to take some much needed time off from work to help me get over this burnout.
None of this means that you have to meet a random person on the street and ask him to come with you on vacation. For me, it was about taking the time to look at what I want and instead of shirking the opportunity because it seemed unusual, saying yes and finding out the details later. Otherwise, I could have pondered this decision for months. It was an easy way to challenge yourself without putting the mental effort into finding something new. It’s amazing how many new experiences you get throughout the day when you start paying attention.