How to Learn to Be Comfortable Talking About Sex When You’ve Never Had It Before
Sex is one of the most difficult topics to openly talk about, and there are many people who have never spoken to their partner about their intimate relationship. If you’re new to sexual intercourse, here are some easy steps to get you started.
Start small with a few simple words
Start with the most basic basics. Write a list of all the words that are uncomfortable for you (penis, vagina, finger shaking ). Choose one to start with, and then say it to yourself. Repeat this over and over until you get bored. (“Penis, penis, penis, penis, penis!”) Then say it out loud, repeating it again until it seems ridiculously simple. Then try looking at yourself in the mirror as you speak the words. Most people feel vulnerable in front of a mirror, so this mimics some of the vulnerability you might feel when talking to another person. Work through your list as much as you need to.
Go to offers
At this point, you can also start trying out full sentences. If you’re having a hard time putting words together, here’s some inspiration:
- Ask you, for example, “I want you to touch my chest.”
- Give feedback such as “fuck me harder.”
- Talk about things you could do in bed, such as “What would you think about anal sex?”
- Finderotic fiction and read it aloud
- Read aloud the columns Lifehacker: After Hours !
It’s okay to be silly or playful, and the sentences don’t even have to be the way you usually say. The point is to keep practicing and getting used to talking about sexual topics.
Pick the right time to turn it up
The next step is to talk to your partner, if you have one. Talking about sex is most difficult right before or right after the act itself, so try to avoid these situations. Try starting a conversation when the two of you are spending time without doing anything special. It also helps if you are both relaxed and in a relatively good mood.
Talk about talk
Start by telling your partner how it feels for you to even try this conversation. Say something like, “I want to talk about our sex lives. There is nothing wrong with that, I just want to challenge myself to talk about it openly because I have never done this before. I’m really embarrassed to even talk about it, so do you think you can try to provide additional support? »You can even write to your partner ahead of time to minimize embarrassment. If your partner knows ahead of time that you are struggling, they are much more likely to support you (unless they have masochism).
Choose simple themes
Don’t overwhelm yourself by trying to discuss your entire sex life in one sitting. Instead, choose the one single topic you want to raise or the question you want to ask. I recommend choosing something positive and without a specific goal in mind. Here are some suggestions:
- “What do you like most about our sex life?”
- “What’s your favorite sexual memory with me?”
- “When do you feel most excited?”
Once you learn to ask such open-ended questions, you will feel more confident in raising more difficult questions.
Cheer yourself up!
Acknowledge every little step you take and congratulate yourself for showing courage. You are doing what many people never allow themselves!