Four Harsh Truths That Will Make You a Healthier Person
If you are completely satisfied with your health, do not read this article. It’s not for you. Pat yourself on the shoulder and get rid of the scrolling. As for the rest, approach what I’m about to say with an open mind and you might be able to come out of it as a healthier person.
(This article was inspired by Cracked ‘s “ 6 Hard Truths That Will Make You Better. ” This is one of the most life-changing articles I’ve ever read, and there were too many parallels not to write a fitness version.)
Truth # 1. You alone are responsible for your health and fitness. Not your genes.
“I can’t help it that I have bad genes!”
I’ve spent half my life obese blaming my genetics. Damn, I had a right to be mad at my genetics. I have donuts in my family tree, not fruits. My aunt had a heart attack at the age of 40, my sister developed type II diabetes as a teenager , and my mom found a way to grow up obese in a third world Asian country.
But eventually I realized that having bad genetics doesn’t mean you can’t take care of your health.
If you’re out of shape, I’m not saying it’s your fault. I don’t blame you. Perhaps, like me, you grew up in a poor area with no access to “healthy” food. In fact, if your whole family ate this way, you had little chance of becoming otherwise. I tell you that you – and only you – are responsible for improving your fitness.
Too often I see this: someone is overweight due to some combination of factors, but instead of fighting them, they prefer to hide behind it. It’s a crutch.
But here’s the thing. The factors that led to your current health and the responsibility to correct it are mutually exclusive. It may not be your fault that you are unwell, but you must fix it.
Before you feel that I am ashamed of you, know that you are not alone. This is self-defense – the same reason why, instead of reading this article, some readers actively click their mouse (“you don’t know me bro”).
If these people stop blaming someone else , a natural conclusion can be drawn: “All my decisions and actions cause me to be unhappy with my health and fitness / life.” Inconvenient conclusion.
But your brain is wrong. There is a natural tendency to believe that if someone is to blame, it is a binary situation. Is it them or us. The first makes you a victim, the second makes you a villain, and neither one nor the other can comfort you.
The key to overcoming this is self-compassion. Being overweight or inadequate is not a moral flaw. You cannot simply “ eat less, move more ” for better health, and not being able to do so is not a character flaw. Anyone with the same genetics, psychology and environment would end up in the same condition as you – how can anyone blame this?
Be forewarned. Changing is hard, and your brain will do its best to convince you to stay the same. He’s even going to team up with other people who are convinced of the same thing … that all you have to do is “love yourself as you are.” Why? Because it’s much easier than changing. You will be told that you need to love yourself, flaws and all that.
But this is why they are wrong: being out of shape is not a character flaw. Unlike the color of your eyes or skin, your physical form is not a permanent characteristic. This is something that you can actively change. Being overweight does not mean that you are fat. This means that you have fat.
In fact, self-love is the first step to change. Without it, you will not be able to show compassion for yourself and forgive the decisions that led to your current fitness. Those who love themselves strive to be the best versions they can be, instead of convincing themselves that they are wrong. Fat is not a disadvantage.
Truth # 2. When you fail, it is because you are “lazy”
Let’s be clear about something: when I say lazy, I’m not talking about physical laziness. In fact, I encourage students to do the minimum amount necessary to achieve results. If you hate stairs, this could mean taking the elevator .
When I talk about failure, I am not talking about failure. On the road to fitness, you will have constant setbacks, such as occasional overeating or lack of motivation to go to the gym. This is fine. By “failure,” I mean it in the sense that I drop the towel and say, “Fuck this. I give up.”
You failed because in some way – mentally or emotionally – you were lazy. You lacked humility or the drive to learn your habits and then adapt and maintain them.
It boils down to the fact that you cannot change your thinking.
A great example of this is that many of the binge drinkers who come to me unable to lose weight are actually over-exercising and undernourished until they reach a tipping point, followed by uncontrolled overeating. Even before training, I tell them that they need to exercise less and eat more all the time. Some people trust me and we achieve good results. Others don’t go that far. They are too stuck in their habits and preconceived notions to successfully influence change.
Working hard in one area doesn’t always affect others. For example, I have watched lawyers, CEOs, entrepreneurs, and many others – people who do not shy away from hard work in a professional sense – are lazy when it comes to health. Instead of realizing that they should just build positive feedback about fitness , they cling to what they’ve been taught to think is right. “The more work, the better” is a proverb that can be applied to business, but extremely bad for health.
It encourages linking purely arbitrary challenges to the idea of being healthy or losing weight. The thought of becoming healthy turns into an insurmountable task – into a solid, insurmountable wall of adversity. But that’s an illusion, since half of those requirements are as important to your progress as the target weight you get by banging your face on the keyboard (“y4A ^ 90r3 by summer! #Beachbody”).
That’s what I mean by laziness.
It’s too lazy to actively change your mindset, show self-compassion , be considerate, and swallow your ego. It would be too lazy to face the daunting task of self-reflection rather than “just doing more.”
Understand that fitness is a skill to be learned. You will find much comfort in the revelation that you do not have to be perfect.
Truth # 3. You probably know less about health and fitness than you think
I once had a colleague named Steve who loved to give health advice despite being open about being out of shape (which I only mention because it relates to the phenomenon below).
I remember eating a gourmet sandwich at my table when Steve walked up to me to give a lecture on the effects of carbohydrates in my sandwich on obesity – a monologue he almost certainly regurgitated from the beloved TV doctor. After a few awkward minutes of conversation, it became clear that he had not done much research beyond what he had learned about the latest fad diet.
You may have noticed this: When it comes to health and fitness, those with little knowledge often struggle with their own problems are the quickest to provide advice.
Are you to blame for this? Do you share strong opinions on topics like carbohydrates, gluten, or GMOs without making an honest effort to study?
In terms of topics, fitness is on a par with politics and religion: everyone has their own opinion, regardless of whether they know what they are talking about. This is also no coincidence. Fields are inextricably linked to our sense of self, our beliefs, and how we perceive ourselves in relation to others.
Thus, showering the world with their grains of Wisdom ™, they create a personality for themselves. They become “experts” in their field of choice and cling to any fact that might resonate with their innate way of thinking. Because they are so wise, any setbacks they face were not due to a lack of knowledge, but something else .
It also creates an awkward situation when you try to explain why they might be wrong.
Do you know what happens when you contradict your deepest beliefs? They don’t listen. This is due to a phenomenon called the backfire effect . It also explains why we have such polarizing opinions on everything from vaccinations to America’s involvement in Iraq.
While Steve was a convenient example, everyone (including you and me) associates a certain amount of health beliefs with their identity. Case in point: Just five years ago, I firmly argued that sugar is toxic, butI was very wrong .
And it’s okay to change your beliefs. You may feel embarrassed to back down, but showing ego instead of an open mind will do you a disservice. The truth is , that no one has the answers to health and fitness in the grand scheme of things . We are constantly learning new information, such as the fact that exercise alone is not the best strategy for losing weight, or that breakfast is not all that important .
The only thing I can tell you for sure, thousands of clients and thousands of hours of reading later, is this: the more I learn, the more I realize that I don’t know.
Therefore, if this is your first time studying fitness, it is best to start with a clean slate. Be skeptical but open-minded about new information . Start by learning the basics. Be humble enough to keep learning, and more importantly, courageous enough to admit you were wrong.
Truth # 4. You are too sensitive to your existing beliefs.
There is a viral article in which Dirty Jobs host Mike Rowe tells the story of his friend Claire, who asks him for dating advice:
“Look at me,” she said. “I take care of myself. I put myself there. Why is it so hard? “How about that guy at the end of the bar,” I said. “He looks at you all the time.” “Not my type.” How do you know? “I just know.” “Have you tried a dating site? “I asked:” Are you kidding? I would never meet someone I met online! “” Good. How about a scene change? Your company has offices all over the place – maybe try living in another city? “” What? Leave San Francisco? Never!”
…
Claire doesn’t really want a man. She needs a “right” man. She wants a soul mate. Specifically a soul mate by her zip code. She mentally put this guy together years ago and now damn she’s tired of waiting !! I didn’t tell her about it because Claire is capable of sudden violence. But it’s true. She complains about being left alone, although her rules more or less ensured that she would stay that way. She built a wall between herself and her target. A wall of conditions and expectations. Is it possible that you have built a wall like this?
While this article is not about fitness, it is a must-read for all my students. Why? Because they tend to act the same way.
A lot of people come to me or some other coach because what they did didn’t work. Often times I find that they did the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. This, as seen in the image above, is the definition of insanity .
However, when I ask them to do something different, I am often denied:
“I used to do cardio, and you got rid of them. Can you add it back to my program? “- A client with a history of overeating
“I am upset with my results this week. I’ve only lost two pounds! “- A client who has been following the yo-yo diet.
“I can’t refuse breakfast! I have never done this before and without it I fall into lethargy! “- The client who does not get enough sleep
The guidelines were specifically designed to break down appropriate failure patterns. However, I often hear the answer: “These are my beliefs. I know better. They are no different from Claire in the above example.
People are overly sensitive to their beliefs. They are proud of them, which only leads to resistance to change, and not to the separation of beliefs from their sense of self . Of course, this is not always possible, for example with the beliefs that make up your core principles. For example, while not everyone shares this belief, I strongly believe in same-sex marriage. This belief is part of my personal code of ethics.
You shouldn’t base your fitness beliefs on a code of ethics because health is not a religion. There is no one who prays to the gods of the vaccine. Your health beliefs must be evidence-based, and you must be willing to change those beliefs if more credible evidence is presented to you.
When you separate your identity from your health and fitness beliefs and stop defending them so meticulously, then you can finally learn and grow.
Where to go from here
I repeated myself as a lost record, but there are a few messages that are worth repeating:
- Take responsibility for your health , but be kind to yourself.
- Consider, not blame, when you have failed, and be sure to show compassion to yourself.
- Understand that there is a lot to learn and approach fitness with an open mind.
- Dissociate yourself from your beliefs and understand that we are talking about fitness, not about religion.
I suspect there is a correlation between getting you that far and your success. You might agree with all of this (and don’t need to change anything), or there might be times when you hated my gut. I hope you have had moments like this because it means I have pushed on a protective layer that can hinder growth.
I also hope that there was a voice in your head that said, “Hmmm … maybe I was wrong and that’s okay.” If so, follow that voice. This will help you become the best version of yourself.