How to Use Rejection to Set Yourself up for a Second Shot
Whether it’s a job interview or a date invitation, rejection is a harsh reality that we all face at least once. It’s tricky, but how you deal with rejection may very well be the key to getting a second chance later and to success when you do. Here are some tips on how to deal with rejection properly and use it as the turning point that ultimately gives you what you want.
Overcome your fear and accept rejection as a real opportunity.
The fear of rejection is not uncommon, but this fear will prevent you from firing another shot. The first thing you need to do is overcome your fear of rejection, no matter how strong it may be.
We have already discussed rejection therapy , where you seek rejection from someone every day. This is a great mechanism to help you overcome your fear of rejection. When you endure rejection over and over again, you become insensitive to it. Practice giving up, with possible results that won’t backfire or make you less inclined to do anything. This can be simple and fun communication, such as making a date (in situations where you’re likely to fail) or wearing a Free Hug shirt and following people until they’re rejected. The goal is to reduce the bump of rejection so you can stay calm and cool when you need it later.
It also helps you recognize rejection as a real opportunity before you risk it. If you show up for an interview hoping to get a job, you will be much more surprised – and your behavior will be much more disheveled – if the interviewer turns you down. On the other hand, understanding rejection as a very real possible outcome gives you an edge. You don’t need to expect failure, but while remaining confident in your abilities, you still want to think clearly and rationally about what your next steps will be if you are rejected, and set yourself up for a long-term return.
Ask for a review the first time
Asking for feedback can also give you an edge. Once you know what they are looking for, you can improve and do more the next time. If you receive a letter rejecting a potential job, university, etc., don’t be afraid to respond by asking what you could do better to get the position. You may not get an answer, but at least you asked, and the time you hear the answer can be very helpful in preparing to try again.
You can also ask your friends and acquaintances for feedback, although it is much more difficult not to seem like you are nagging. Placing the original idea in their head and staying connected often results in you getting a second chance later, without any clue. However, if you really want to ask a question, make the question as casual and easy as possible so that you don’t bother them, instead of having a productive conversation.
Use your body language to look more relaxed and confident
An important part of winning over someone, especially after they have rejected you, is maintaining your confidence, or even strengthening someone else’s perception of your confidence if you think you lost at first. We’ve discussed how you can use body language to your advantage during critical interactions , but it’s also helpful to know that people prefer trust, both romantically and professionally , not to mention other social situations. Start with the basics, such as smiling, making eye contact, opening your shoulders, or spreading your legs apart to look casual, not covered. Kimberly Pendergrass explains to Udemy how slow movement can help you feel and look more confident:
Take a deep breath, hold your breath for a second or two, and exhale. Concentrate on slowing down your speech and body movements a little. This will make you more confident and thoughtful. It will also help you calm down if you are nervous.
You have to be careful not to overdo it or appear arrogant, but showing calm and confident demeanor while politely ending an interaction will make a good impression that will make up for what was initially lacking.
Let me show your embarrassment and humility.
Self embarrassment makes people trust you , and people respond well to those who are humble . Whether it’s a flushed cheek, a shy smile, or just saying, “I’m so embarrassed,” it can help you make a good impression in the long run by being honest with those feelings. Psyblog discusses how hiring managers treat humble job seekers:
Modest becomes not only the best managers, but also the best employees.
Research on employee leaders has shown that honesty and humility are good indicators of people’s performance ( Megan et al., 2011 ).
Humility also helps you in romantic relationships:
Humble people can have better relationships because they accept others for who they are.
A study by Davis et al. (2012) groups of people found that humility helps build relationships and strengthen bonds between people.
Use humility and embarrassment to your advantage to build trust in the other person, especially if trust is critical to the relationship you intend to build with them.
Don’t be a stranger
Keep in touch with the person on the other end of the line. This is not always possible – in an interview with a hiring manager, you will not see him outside the office, you may never talk to him again. However, when possible, it is important to stay visible so that the person rejecting you can get a more comprehensive impression and see the strengths they missed the first time around. It also gives them the opportunity to see how you are making improvements that you may have discussed when asking for feedback, which will also change their initial judgment for the better.
So, if you have mutual friends with the person who turned you down, don’t be afraid to show up at events and gatherings that you know they’ll be attending, and don’t be afraid to have casual conversation and suppress any lingering awkwardness. … Once this is over, that person will have a chance to see you in a new light and offer you a second shot without even asking you.
Know when to quit
It’s also important to know when to stop this because you won’t always get a second chance, and it’s probably rare to even aim for a third shot. If you really want what you are being rejected for, there is no problem as long as you try to rethink their impression and take appropriate action. However, sometimes it just doesn’t have to be. If you get rejected a second time, it might be time to face the truth – you were not suited for the role you would like to play in this person’s life – and that’s okay! The world is full of possibilities, and this is an important final step in the fight against rejection, to make sure you don’t waste time looking for the wrong ones.
Once you’ve done all of this, you have a much better chance of success when you ask for a second shot. Whether it’s a job interview, a date, joining a club, or trying to make a new friend, it’s all about making a lasting impression so you can get past the unfortunate first. If it works out – cool! If not, then it’s time to move on and look for other opportunities that will make you just as happy.