How to Change Your Boss’s Mindset
Many persuasion tips assume relatively similar strength dynamics. But sometimes you need to convince someone at a higher level in the hierarchy: your boss, his boss, the project manager. To do this, you need four specific strategies: focus on common goals, go into neutral space, let them line up your arguments with you, and know what to do next. This approach is effective in the workplace, or in any hierarchical organization, as long as the participants have a common ground on which to build.
In the construction of this strategy, I have largely relied on the book of Buster Benson ” Why do we cry? Art productive dissent” in which there are tips about all sorts of arguments in a variety of contexts, including those in which you do not expect to find them … agreement. I also spoke with Benson about applying his ideas in the workplace.
Focus on shared goals
If you are trying to convince someone in your organization, find all the goals that you share. No matter what you argue for, connect it to those goals as much as possible.
Let’s say you want to start a new project because it will benefit you. This is great for you, but it is not so important for your boss, much less for his boss, and so on. You shouldn’t ignore this motive. But that shouldn’t be your main argument. Presumably, your idea will benefit the organization, or at least your boss. Emphasize this benefit.
For example, let’s say I want to write a post on Lifehacker about playing the piano because I personally want to learn how to play the piano and it would be nice to get paid for it. I emphasize that we can do video publishing, which Lifehacker always tries to do the most. I show you how easy it will be to set up because I already know a pianist with great teaching and camera skills. I explain how our approach would be particularly suited to Lifehacker’s concept of “hacking,” a shortcut that legitimately solves a problem. This is how we get the series “How to Simulate Piano Playing”.
Even the most seemingly zero demands, such as wage increases, can at least be phrased in terms of retention and morale. In this case, you should prepare with something new that you are willing to give in return, or accept instead, or both.
But in the hierarchy, any trade in benefits is focused on the powers that be. (Companies survive by extracting more from you than they are giving back.) But if you can, avoid “negotiation” boxes and aim for brainstorming. Thus, instead of pulling and pushing, where each movement is a concession in one direction, you can engage in collaborative exploration, where each movement represents a new opportunity that can benefit both sides.
Find all possible common values, constraints, benefits, and goals, and wrap your decisions around those common elements. This does not mean giving up your leverage, but strategically pointing out where to get what you want also means your boss gets what he wants. Challenge all the assumptions that guide your normal workflow: where and when you do your job, which of your decisions require external approval, where you fit into the chain of command.
Let them build your business
Benson calls this brainstorming the “voice of opportunity” approach to argument. It is an alternative to the voices of power, avoidance and reason. (In the hierarchy, even the voice of reason is often used to reject the right ideas.) And when you use it, you are trying to convince the other side to use it. This is a great way to make your boss think like your coworker and not like your boss.
Benson’s voice of opportunity asks questions such as “What are we missing out on?” or “What else can we do with what we have?” or “Who else can we bring to the conversation to give us a new perspective?” All of these are useful when you are out of power. They help you question the status quo in safe ways.
All of these “possible” questions ask what “we” can do. They encourage both parties to seek answers together. “If you’re a disadvantaged person, it’s important to ask questions,” Benson tells me. Questions like “How did you come to this opinion?” and “What result can we achieve together?”
By asking questions, you can honestly share information with your boss. (This is how you build leverage, not give it away.) Your boss will be more cooperative if he feels you understand his point of view. And they are more likely to think about solutions for both of you. Ideally, both of you are as likely to find each other’s favorite solution as your own.
Fall into neutral space
If you’ve ever had a drink after working with a coworker, you know how important it is to move to a neutral space. Going to a bar immediately changes the type of conversations you can have and which direction they are most likely to go. Decor, music and alcohol change the dynamics. The same is true for the simple fact that this is not your workplace and therefore does not carry the mental baggage of your workplace.
When trying to convince your boss, try to move the conversation outside their office or any other place in the workplace that reinforces the usual power dynamics. Ideally, leave the workplace completely. If it doesn’t, find a place that encourages an equal number of ideas, whether through physical factors – round table, matching chairs – or through the type of conversation that’s usually held there – brainstorming, not company announcements.
Also choose the right metaphorical space: don’t time the conversation around a deadline or a tense meeting. Consider whether drinking or eating will help. Think about the good, open conversations you’ve had before, and where, when, and what you did, when you had them. Compare as many of these factors as possible.
Know your next steps
Before even entering into a discussion with your boss, answer as many of your own questions as possible. And especially think about what you really want from it. Examine your desires by asking yourself why you think you want certain things to get closer to your root desires.
Let’s say you want to be removed from a project. Is it because the project is scary? Would it be better to get support for the project or more time? Or is the project useless and you really want a clearer understanding of the goal or process improvement?
Towards a later stage in the discussion, when you have reached some agreement, Benson recommends asking, “If I can find a better path to our common goal, will I be autonomous to follow it?” It’s a matter of practicality. This is also a question that no one should answer “no” to. And if you managed to turn the previous conversation into a joint brainstorming session, then all you ask is if what you both want is possible.
Even if the answer is no, it actually means something – maybe you need to find a new job, maybe you need to pass your request on to someone more influential. Plan what you will do if your request cannot be fulfilled and you cannot get the go-ahead even for a common goal. And be grateful that you found out, instead of fighting for a hopeless cause.
Benson’s book has a lot more advice on negotiation, debate, and productive argument. It spans a wide range of conflicts, from day-to-day relationship breakdowns to grand political debates. And successful persuasion is just one of the many outcomes he is researching. This book can also help you deal with “unsuccessful” arguments by finding value that goes beyond your desire. (But I hope you get your way.)