How to Get What You Really Want for Christmas
If you’ve ever received a windbreaker with the name of the company your spouse works for, a toilet seat, or a pancake pan because “that would be fun for the kids” on Christmas morning, we’d understand you want to make sure it’s never again will repeat itself. Because we all know gifts that are clearly office favors that provide bathroom seating for everyone or offer a new way for parents who hate to cook are bad personal gifts. ( Right ?) The best gifts are things that someone really wants but won’t buy for themselves. (This does not include Costco’s multicolored three-pack of leggings.)
So what should a person who has been burned by the gifts of Christmas do? Use one of the methods below, that’s what. They range from prompts (the most risky approach) to instructions that no one can mistake for subtle.
Strategically placed directories
For the less direct of us, there is a method to “keep the catalogs open to certain pages scattered carelessly around the house, next to remote controls, refrigerators, toilets, and other places where the donor spends most of his downtime.” The computerized version means that “accidentally” browser windows remain open on a shared computer that has the Ugg slippers you looked after, with a handy time calculator that counts down the days until the 30% discount ends. Or print an image of your only true desire and “forget” to take it out of the printer. (You are the cunning little devil of the HP Photosmart.)
Give obvious hints
It’s just over three weeks before the big day, and with these horrible supply chain problems threatening to delay deliveries, it’s time to start dropping aggressive innuendos. Things like, “Today I looked at my forearm and it looked so … naked.” “The muscles in my wrist have been looking flabby lately. I wonder if a sterling silver charm bracelet tones them up? “Do you know what goes with this sweater? This is the Anthropologie bracelet I’m looking at right now .” This is followed by a slow deliberate blink while maintaining uncomfortable eye contact until your message is not only verbally but telepathically implanted into their brain …
Play Santa Card
Hilarious souls who would like to fill their present requests with seasonal fun, try to communicate loudly what you hope Santa will bring you this year. “I hope Santa buys the Nolita 19 with the Linear Quilted Coach this year. Rumor has it that there are only three pieces left in the warehouse! »Same as hints, only more fun and brighter.
Make a (really specific) list
Get rid of all the hints and state your desires on a clear, bullet-proof list. (I mean, in fact, this person has seen you, at least wearing a mouth guard to prevent teeth grinding at night, and may have witnessed a person leaving your body. The clues are child’s play.)
On your very mature list, we’re not talking about vague positions like “sweater”, “deep fryer” or “earrings” (unless you’re one of those flexible people who would be equally happy with a ribbed fake turtleneck or grandfather’s cardigan, in such case, can we borrow some of your lighthearted nature?) We’re talking about exact product names, stores, sizes, colors and links to buy. If you want to keep the element of surprise, offer them several options to choose from, any of which you will love. (Really? Any of them? Teach us our ways.)
Follow the route of experience
If you’re willing to say “sayonara” when you force smart gifts to be made (and do all the internal research / psychological warfare to pass them on to the giver), consider taking a trip or booking a restaurant dinner for special occasions outside the home. your normal budget. Because you know what could be better than sleeping on a new set of Miracle Sheets? Spend the night in a new city away from the kids for the weekend – or more.
Buy it yourself
Of course, the only sure way to get what you want is to throw fake propriety down the drain and buy it yourself, damn it. When shopping for others, grab a few things that you need. Instead of doing all the extra work of subtly penetrating your desires into your partner’s psyche, immediately pull out your credit card. When you get home, announce what you got for Christmas and give it to them to wrap. Is it romantic and amazing? No. But you have to decide: do you want to be surprised or not to be disappointed? (If you answered that you want to be surprised and happy, we regret to inform you that this order may not arrive until December 24).
You can always have your significant other replenish your stockings with cute little surprises – from the beauty and golf ball brands you’ve talked about a lot since Thanksgiving, of course.