How Long Should You Chat on the Dating App Before Meeting?
Browsing dating apps can be fun, but the chat window can also be intimidating. How much chatter? What’s the best way to communicate your intentions without being too direct? How long do you have to maintain digital banter before you can just go on a fucking date?
The answers are different for everyone, but there are some guidelines for how long to chat before meeting, at least.
This process is different for everyone.
Steph Natsi, a 26-year-old New Yorker who has used Hinge in the past, “never worries about meeting too soon.”
She says she will talk to someone on the app for a week or so before embarking on a personal date, and she thinks this is enough time to determine if someone poses a threat to her. “If they can joke and be funny, then the ‘potential killer’ is removed from the list,” she said, adding that she even met in a shorter time frame.
She is “more of a consistency” and not interested in one-off intrigue, so face-to-face communication helps her identify people who have potential and not waste time talking to people who don’t.
This is the case with one person, but you may be the opposite looking for a quick acquaintance, but have little interest in getting to know someone. If you clear this up and take the right precautions, you might meet the same day you meet someone. There is no rule to prohibit.
On the other hand, you may be addicted to text chat and appreciate being able to have a similar conversation with your partner. Maybe you’re nervous about your safety, hesitant to return to dating after a long relationship or pandemic, or just busy. You can stretch the text relay stage as much as you want! Hell, you don’t even need to date if you don’t want to. Just don’t be surprised if the other person’s intentions or interests don’t align with yours. Ghosting is never cool, but people are unmatched for less.
Rate your comfort and safety
Keith McLean, a relationship expert with Plenty of Fish, said you should consider your safety and well-being when planning a possible meeting with your partner on a dating site.
“It’s important to show your intuition and meet in a public place if you are comfortable and ready,” she said.
Let’s be real here. It is not uncommon for a particularly spontaneous person to make an appointment at someone’s house or plan to go on a date in the car. Most of us have friends who did it, if we didn’t do it ourselves. But just because you know someone who has made it out of a spontaneous meeting doesn’t necessarily mean you will succeed. We cannot advise you to do something like this with a clear conscience, no matter how long you chat on the app.
If you do plan to do this, make a safety plan. Send your friends detailed information about the interlocutor and tell them where you are going and what time you plan to leave. Take a picture of a person’s license plate and send it to your most trusted friends. Share your location with them using Find My Friends, Snapchat or another app. Do whatever it takes to keep you safe first. In fact, do all of this, even if you are meeting in public. If the date is worth it, they will understand what is bothering you. If they protest, proceed to the next match.
Progressively push the connection
You don’t have to use the chat feature in the app. Steph gives her a phone number after about five exchanges on the dating app. If you’re comfortable with giving your number, texting can be a more intimate way of communicating.
However, remember that your number is very much tied to you. A reverse search can reveal more personal information about you than you think, and even your area code clearly indicates where you are from. Consider using a third-party text app like Google Voice if revealing your real number makes you a little nervous.
You can also connect on social media. Add each other on Snapchat or follow each other on Instagram so you can chat and learn about each other’s life before meeting face to face. Seeing someone present themselves on social media is a great way to get a feel for whether or not you really feel vibrating.
“Dating rules and regulations have changed dramatically over the past few years,” McLean said, referring to a 2020 poll of 1,500 POF members. “The pandemic has led to an increase in the number of virtual dating: 60% of singles report that it is now more convenient for them to video chat during a match than before COVID-19. With the advent of dating videos, singles now have the ability to ‘screen’ people more thoroughly before meeting the IRL, so it’s a great option for those with a busy schedule or who might be a little afraid of meeting a stranger for the first time. It also makes first dates less awkward! “
Most importantly, do what feels natural and safe to you. Don’t let anyone force you to date or give away your social media links if you don’t like it. If someone makes you feel uncomfortable, turn them off and move on. In case you haven’t noticed, there are a lot more people on apps. One of them will have a perfect timeline that matches yours, and having something in common before they meet is always a good sign.