How to Get Your Child the Mental Health Care They Need

“Marie” was helping her 10-year-old child navigate an escalating pattern of actions against herself and her family when the situation reached its climax during one of his therapy sessions. He threatened to hurt himself, and “the doctor told us to take him to the emergency room,” says Marie, a 50-year-old Pennsylvania writer who asked us to use a pseudonym to protect her son’s privacy.

It was the right call. Marie’s son stayed in the hospital for a week before being discharged with a detailed plan for ongoing mental health care. Five years later, Marie says that her son is doing well. In hindsight, she thinks that she should have asked for help earlier and wants to help other parents avoid this mistake.

I spoke with Marie and two child and adolescent mental health experts to put together a guide to help you know when and how to support a child who is struggling.

Signs Your Child May Need Professional Psychological Support

“The main thing to look out for is any abrupt change in behavior or expressed emotion in your child,” says John Duffy, a Chicago-based clinical psychologist who specializes in teens, teens and families and is the author of Raising a New Teenager in adolescence ”. Age of worry . What you should pay attention to:

• Spend more time in the room than usual
• Meet a brand new circle of friends
• Falling or soaring ratings (the latter may be a sign of perfectionism)
• Increased moodiness
• Less communication
• Eat or sleep much more or much less than usual

“You know your child best; trust your intuition, ”says Katie Hurley, a licensed clinical social worker who works with children and adolescents in Los Angeles and is the author of the Depression Workbook for Adolescents . “What is the starting level of your child or adolescent? If you see these patterns changing, be careful. It is better to give a child a support system than to wait. “

In 25 years, Duffy said, she has never worked with a family who was careful, did a psychological assessment, and regretted it.

What happens in a psychological assessment?

During the psychological assessment, a qualified mental health professional will meet with your child and assess their psychological strengths and problems.

“It usually consists of interviews, tests and questionnaires,” says Duffy. The provider can do it all in one session, but Duffy prefers to meet multiple times. Once completed, you should receive a Results Report along with any recommended treatment plan, which may include psychotherapy, medications, or a combination of both.

Where do I begin?

If you know or have a relationship with a therapist, Duffy suggests starting with him. Ask them for recommendations of therapists who specialize in assessment work. If you don’t know therapists, “school counselors and counselors usually know the people in the area,” says Duffy. “I always encourage parents to talk to them. They will have names, numbers and people they prefer to others. “

Hurley suggests contacting your parents or your pediatrician. If your school district does not have counseling services and you are meeting with friends, visit your district or municipality website to find out about their behavioral health resources.

“Many places have community mental health centers staffed with licensed clinical social workers where you can get screened,” says Hurley.

You or your teenager can also call the Crisis Hotline, where they will listen in confidence and connect with your local support team. If all else fails, go directly to a mental hospital or hospital that has a mental health unit – even better if they have one specifically for children and adolescents.

“They’ll have resources at the ready,” says Duffy.

What should I tell my child?

Make it part of a broader conversation about the importance of mental health in general. Duffy recommends telling your child, “It is our job as your parent to make sure you are healthy in every way. This is why we encourage you to exercise and go to school, and why we take you to the doctor. If you find it difficult emotionally, we are also responsible for that. It’s just part of taking care of you. “

You can explain that you are doing an assessment to find out what their strengths are and if it can help them. Duffy’s suggested wording: “This is not about what is wrong with you, but what works well, and the areas in which the adults around you can help you improve the situation.”

How do I know if it is urgent?

According to Duffy, your child may tell you that they are in crisis.

“This is happening more and more these days because kids know what anxiety is, they know what depression is, and they know what suicidal thoughts are,” he says.

If your child tells you they are in trouble, listen and take action. Other signs that require urgent medical attention:

• Any suicidal thoughts (evidence that your child is suicidal), which may include comments, notes, and social media posts.
• If your child is violent towards himself or anyone else, this includes talking about it.
• Evidence of self-harm, such as cuts. Children can cut themselves on their hands, but they can also choose places that are easy to cover with clothing, such as their legs or back.
• Your child is clearly experiencing difficulties, but generally refuses to talk to you.
• Abrupt changes in negative behavior.

What should I do if an emergency occurs?

“Call 911 immediately,” says Duffy. “Don’t even wait to hear from your therapist if they have one, because it’s an immediate health and safety issue. I have worked with parents who have lost their children or whose children have seriously harmed themselves, and this is terrible. “

Hurley warns parents not to sleep due to any major problems. “This is not a risk to take,” she says.

Don’t Let Stigma Stop You

“There are definitely times when parents tend to say, ‘Oh, that’s okay,’” says Marie. “We try to minimize our children’s mental health problems because we blame ourselves.” But Hurley notes that everyone is now well aware that “we are in the midst of a mental health crisis in our country, and you will not be judged.”

Duffy helps parents deal with stigma by considering your actions to be the best parenting you can do about the situation.

“I use every tool at my disposal to make sure my child is emotionally healthy and healthy,” he says. “I am going to turn to specialists, because this is not my area of ​​expertise, and I do not want my child to suffer.”

He adds that it is helpful to think of it as nothing more than a visit to an endocrinologist to help a child with diabetes.

“What you find — if you want to share a little about your experience — is that a lot more people will say, ‘Yes, this is happening to my baby too,’ says Duffy. “I find that people are becoming more and more open about it, and they find a lot more community support when they are open about it.”

Get ready

If you have a child who is currently receiving mental health care or seems to be in difficulty, Marie recommends doing your homework so that you are ready to help him in the event of an emergency.

“Just like if my child has a broken arm, I know I’ll take him to the emergency room and get a cast,” says Marie. “If my child starts saying that he wants to die or they want me to die, who should I call?”

If you think your child may need mental health services at some point, Marie recommends building a toolkit by studying your state’s laws and knowing what happens if your child is examined or hospitalized. A good place to start is your city or county mental health department.

“Pennsylvania — and I think many states have similar things — there are certain mental health diagnoses for children that qualify them for health care, and programs that support families and are paid for by health care,” says Marie. “The application process can be cumbersome and confusing, and this is where lawyers, nonprofits and regulators come in handy. You may be eligible for some benefits that can make your life easier when you get through it. ”

When parents are unsure what hospitalization might mean for their child, Duffy encourages them to go to a mental hospital and discuss possible incidents. You don’t need to give your name, just ask what deserves hospitalization and what happens if you bring your child. Ask if you will have access to your child or if they can free themselves, depending on their age. You can also discuss these scenarios with your child’s therapist, who should be well versed in the laws of your state.

“There is no situation in which you are powerless,” says Duffy. “In my experience with the mental health community, their goal is not to take your power away from you; their goal is to free a child who is healthy and ready to leave their care. “

Require a discharge plan

If your child is hospitalized for a mental health emergency, they cannot be discharged without a detailed plan of ongoing care they will receive.

“Many young people move from hospital to intensive outpatient care (IOP) or partial hospitalization program (PHP), where they receive daily care in a structured environment,” says Duffy. “If this is not possible or the medical team does not consider it necessary, ongoing care is likely to include regular visits to a psychotherapist and / or psychiatrist.

“If you are not offered a plan for the future, you have to demand it,” says Marie. For her family, the ongoing care of her son included short-term treatment as well as therapy for the entire family.

The follow-up plan should also include communication with your kids’ school, according to Cheryl Eskin, family therapist and director of programming for Teen Line in Los Angeles. a mid-day health break so they can watch for any signs of anxiety as well.

“After several months of family therapy, things started to get better,” says Marie. Already in the first year, she had hope for the improvement of her son’s condition. Now, five years later, life in the family has more or less returned to normal. And she is very much comforted by the realization that “to intervene in this crisis situation was the best way out, because he needed support that I could not give him.”

Additional Resources

The National Suicide Prevention Line (1-800-273-8255) answers calls 24/7, is confidential, and can connect you and your family with local professional support.

There are several hotlines across the country that employ adolescents who have been trained in peer support. One of the largest is Teen Line . Others include Safe Place , The Trevor Project , which supports LGBT youth in mental health crises , and the Jed Foundation .

Mental Health First Aid is a program that trains adults and children 12 years of age and older to recognize when someone is in a critical mental health condition and seek help from them.

The QPR Institute offers a method to identify a person who expresses suicidal thoughts.