This Is What Blacks Want From White Allies
Earlier this week, I created a post that I thought would create space and moment for blacks to state exactly what they need from their white allies. We are grieving. Our mental health is constantly undermined by the trauma of police misconduct, white vigilante violence and the suffering of the coronavirus pandemic – beyond the reality of the socioeconomic inequalities that black Americans suffer from and the longer list of reasons why it should be. … besides, I feel hopeless.
Some of you took advantage of this moment and this space – where I hoped that black people would be able to share their honest thoughts on how declared white allies could truly be allies. You used the comment section to highlight people living in a sea of worry and anxiety and tell them that they are not really experiencing what is happening in the world. These comments only show why it is imperative that we all keep screaming “black life matters” at the top of our lungs, even when we know that those who need to hear it the most are those who are unwilling to acknowledge their privilege. – prefer not to hear to hear.
As a black person, I am tired of seeing others actively rejecting our humanity all my life. If you’re white and reading this, and you’re willing to listen and work to better understand what we need from our allies, here are comments from yesterday’s post that might help you.
“Either you are for the inclusion and equal rights of ALL PEOPLE, or you are against US. Either you are anti-racist and want to eradicate it completely and permanently, or you are a racist. There is no middle ground. Saying nothing when there is an opportunity is as bad as doing nothing. “
From replays of abirminghamjail:
Instead of wasting time fighting the culture wars on social media, you will try to live your life to help “others” in your community. You can never convince dear Uncle Cletus on Facebook that Chauvin could just, you know, stop what he was doing. On the other hand, a few minutes on Google and if you live off the beaten path you can find many good volunteering opportunities where you can do a lot … If you see discrimination going on in front of you, you say and let your white people know that they should smile because they will be on the Internet if the situation is not resolved peacefully. “
Here’s what I can suggest:
- Don’t talk about things that you are not fully aware of. Even if you are acting with the best of intentions, you are doing more harm than good when you speak with ignorance. Find out what’s really going on outside of your bubble.
- Stop thinking that you are helping by telling marginalized people about the problems of others, including yourself. Listen to people in their hurt and hurt. If you are unable to bear the severity of their injury, let them know.
- Gaslighting is toxic and harmful. When you tell people that they have not or have not experienced what they know they have, that is a problem. You’d better not say anything at all. And if you feel obligated to do so, it may be that you need to seek help.