How to Change Someone’s Mind
It seems that everyone prefers to stand firmly on their feet and remain unshakable in their opinions (even if they are, say, scientifically invalid and disproven ), so the idea of changing someone’s opinion about something seems almost impossible. Of course, not everyone has to agree with you on everything, so don’t waste your time and energy trying to get them to see your point of view.
However, there are other situations where you are in a leadership position and need support from your project team, idea, or policy. This scenario was highlighted by Laura Huang and Ryan Yu in a recent article in the Harvard Business Review . In particular, they provide ways that leaders (or other people) can engage other people with their ideas. The first step is to ask, “What is causing my ill-wisher to resist?” and then determine which aspects of your argument have generated the most resistance and the most emotional reaction from others. Depending on your answer, you will want to choose one of the following three strategies.
Informative conversation
If the person has an objective reason for disagreeing with you and he tells you about it using a logical set of objections, Huang and Yu recommend approaching him through informative conversation. This is how it works:
Successful informative conversation requires two things: strong arguments and good presentation … You also need to use a logical framework and a clear storyline to force the detractor to reevaluate his thinking … that you and your ill-wisher have no common ground … Keep in mind, these ill-wishers cannot be easily swayed into broad generalizations. Be prepared to mentally quarrel with them and prepare facts to support every aspect of your overall argument.
Champion’s Talk
Use this strategy when the person is not easily convinced with cognitive arguments, or when you don’t have a good working relationship, when the discussion often ends up as a waste of time. To do this, Huang and Yu advise :
Don’t try to convince the other person. Instead, take the time to personally learn about them and build rapport with them. This is not about arguments or presentation, at least initially, but about understanding their point of view and why they might feel offended.
A trusted colleague approach
Sometimes a person has such a deeply rooted belief that there is nothing you can do to change their mind. In such situations, Huang and Yu suggest bringing in a trusted colleague (whom the ill-wisher respects) as support:
An advocate for your position from another part of the organization, whether he is a colleague or a boss, may be better suited to persuade that detractor. This forces the ill-wisher to separate you from possible arguments and evaluate the idea based on its objective merits. If you and the ill-wisher are at a dead end, a reputable colleague can tip the scales in your favor.
Of course, each disagreement comes with its own baggage, so you may need to adapt them a bit to make them work in your scenario. But at least this is a starting point.