Fuck These Kids, Eat All the Candy Yourself
This month, Halloween has already been full of hand spinning and fretting corrosion, some of which are centered around trick or treating and kids. People are (rightly) concerned about handing out candy to children in the safest way, but they are also concerned about the long-term trauma that the lack of a gimmick or treat can cause. (I think they can handle it.) And while this very site has some clever workarounds and steps to make Halloween safer this year, I’ll take a much simpler approach, eating all the candy myself.
It might sound cold and even brutal, but there has never been a better excuse to hoard all the candy (even full-size bars!) And I’ll take advantage of that, for example. I mean, as a communist, I love handouts, but it’s really a matter of health and safety (and wanting to eat all the candy). On their best days, kids can be disgusting and infected, and I just don’t want to be around them during a pandemic, even if there’s a candy tray between us. (Also, I want to eat all of their candy.)
I confess that I also live in an apartment, so it is very easy for me to hide from the children, saving up chocolate. I usually go to my boyfriend’s house and help him pass it out, but this year I really say “fuck these kids” and hide in my little studio. If you, like my boyfriend, also live in a house that attracts a flood of kids asking for free candy (which you’d rather eat yourself), you can always cover yourself up with one of last year’s Evil Week hacks and hit the road. empty bowl . It will be a little frustrating, but the COVID infection will be worse. I just reduce the risks where I can (and eat all the candy).