How to Stop Kicking Your Kids Out the Door in the Morning
Sometimes in the morning it seems impossible to get the kids out the door without hanging up, asking them four times if they had a snack, and saying, “Come on, let’s keep going!” several times. in a tone that you know sounds more excited than you’d like. But you can’t help yourself. Jackets and backpacks are scattered all over the place, the bus leaves in four minutes, and you just noticed that the child has his pants on backwards.
Getting the kids out the door in the morning is an exercise in trial and error, emotional self-control (your own), and superhuman patience. Rushing them will only cause more stress, anxiety, power struggles and anger – for everyone involved. Here’s how to rush as little as possible and still be on time.
Get on the same team
When you want something that your child doesn’t care about (getting out of the house effectively and on time), it’s easy to see him as your opponent – and vice versa. (Especially when they physically resist your efforts.) Keep in mind that children have very few decision-making opportunities and crave a sense of autonomy in their lives. Try changing your mindset from authoritative, power-based “I’m in charge and they should do what I say” to more collaborative leadership: “We’re on the same team, how can I help them?”
Start Early and Prepare the Environment
Start early, you say? Well, sometimes it’s just not possible! And sometimes, even if we do, one spill, a tantrum, or an emergency trip to the toilet can send us back to the wire.
I know; I am really. But I can’t deny that in the mornings we go down a little earlier, or I get up and get ready 10-15 minutes earlier, usually everything goes more smoothly. Because I — and, by extension, my children — are more relaxed.
Make sure everything your kids need is easily accessible. If you can, create one area where everything they need is collected. Socks, shoes, coats, hats, gloves – all in containers and on shelves that you can reach. (It may help to designate a shelf or drawer for each child so they don’t have to rummage through the box of all the mittens to find theirs.)
Publish Visual
When one child was particularly difficult and grouchy in preparation for school, I announced that the situation needed to be changed to avoid further difficult mornings. After I established an expectation of positive change, I resisted my first urge to make a quick morning schedule on my own and instead worked with him to develop a schedule. After asking him to list the morning’s “prep” steps, I asked him to decide in what order he wanted to do them. Once they were ranked from first to last, I gave each of them a five minute increment. We now have a personalized morning schedule he designed, with assigned times for each task, posted on the fridge for convenience.
Let your child decide what to do next (and give a choice)
As a punctual person, when I’m pressed for time (and I see people around me reading Pokémon cards or pushing them instead of going to the finish line), my anxiety rises. Which makes me a little… barking. Do you have a water bottle? Take your mask. Come on, it’s time to brush your teeth. Are you not dressed yet? You need your shoes. Currently! As difficult as it may be to restrain their own desire to control the whole process, children are more likely to cooperate if they feel they have at least some control.
Phrases like “OK, what’s next?” — What else needs to be done? “I can’t see anything on your feet, but you go out” or “Would you like to put on a coat or shoes?” can help them feel less commanding. (If they answer “neither,” my correct answer is “Well, we need to do both. So either you can choose, or I’ll choose.”)
Create Incentives
Parenting experts are divided on whether sticky charts should be used, but it is always an available short-term tool. In our house, the temptation to bring back the recently canceled Nintendo Switch by following a no-fuss morning routine (this part is important) worked very well as an incentive. And it doesn’t have to be big. It could be as simple as a promise to read a favorite book or play a short game if they are ready a few minutes early.
Remove distractions
In my home with three kids, toys, books, and fidgets constantly make their way into the main school area (kitchen) without my knowledge or consent. There aren’t enough hours in the day to clear the kitchen of all the distractions, but removing the biggest offenders can do wonders for improving focus and concentration. The simple act of hiding my youngest’s car stash has saved me countless minutes of arguing, negotiating, and being a big money-guzzler shutting down all games and entertainment because we have to go . Remove as many distractions as possible.
Click “reset”
In my house, when emotions start to get sidetracked, we sometimes “press reset,” which consists of stopping, making eye contact, clenching our index fingers, and taking time to stop the head clash we’re going down and start again. It serves as a silent apology for bad words, a dissipation of tension, and a reminder of working together. (Sometimes an outward verbal apology is needed. It’s also helpful to say, “I’m on your team. Do you need help, or can you take the next step on your own?”)
Speak briefly (and quietly)
Instead of long explanations – “We must wear gloves, otherwise our hands will freeze completely! Remember what happened last time you went out without gloves?” Try to use one word instructions. “Gloves. Shoes. Coat.” This gives them less room to process (and possibly dispute).
Whispering is another surprisingly effective way to get a child’s attention. This requires physical closeness and eye contact, two things that motivate children to cooperate.
Recognize their progress
Everyone wants to be recognized for a job well done, especially if it requires a change in behavior or the formation of a new habit. Things like “Wow, you did it yourself”, impressed “Have you already done this? It was fast,” or “Oh my God, I didn’t even have to tell you!” helps toddlers feel proud, which encourages them to do it again.