Your Teen Needs a Hug Right Now
Our teenagers, like the rest of us, are struggling. They were stuck at home, losing the ability to communicate with their friends in person in any normal way – just at a time when their relationships outside the home became so important to them. What they have lost over these many months is very important, but it can be difficult for parents to figure out how to help them if they feel anxious, sad, or lonely.
Psychologist and columnist Lisa Damour reminds us on Twitter that while we cannot get rid of the coronavirus and restore the social lives of our pre-pandemic teens, there are a few basic things we can do right now to remind them that they are not as alone as they feel. She starts with: a hug.
Everyone needs physical human contact, and she’s so right that teens often get it by playfully knocking each other around, wrapping an arm around a friend’s neck, jumping on a buddy’s back in the hallway, and tugging on each other’s backpacks. They probably can’t even voice that they are missing this aspect, but they definitely need a hug. I love Damur’s suggestions to ease the hug so that it isn’t like “Parent, stop it, you’re weird now.”
But beyond physical contact, Damour says they also need to be reminded (as we do) that they are doing a good job.
We all need that kind of confirmation right now, but since your teenager may have decided to spend most of the pandemic hibernating in the bedroom, he may not receive much positive reinforcement. I love the idea of ”pouring out open admiration.” They may thank you for it, they may roll their eyes, but they will still hear it and absorb it.
And finally, as Damour says, we need to empathize with what they’re going through, even if that doesn’t mean we can fix it . We have a few additional thoughts on how to get your teen to take the pandemic seriously and be safe during this time, but starting by saying “this sucks for you” is great advice.