How to Choose a Guardian for Your Children
Choosing a caregiver to raise your children in the event of your death (and any other parent you have) can be one of the most difficult and difficult decisions you will ever make as a parent. We know that this is also a decision we must make, but many of us postpone, brush it off, or avoid it entirely. None of us wants to imagine that we are dying while our children are still young. But as painful as it sounds, defining your literal parental replacement is what you need to do.
If the decision to choose the person seems difficult, it is actually even more difficult to make the choice. Here are a few things to think about in order to narrow down your options for (possible, but unlikely!) Substitutions.
Let’s start with a few basic considerations
As much as you want to jump straight to your top choice – the person you think will raise and love your kids the way you do – there are a few basic factors to consider. After all, you don’t want to place such a huge responsibility on someone if it doesn’t make sense logistically.
First, their age and the age of your children. Perhaps your parents seem like the best option, but they are in their 70s and your children are still very young. They may have the stamina to take on the parenting role now, but what will their life be like in a decade when children reach adolescence? Or maybe your brother has youth on his side, but he currently lives in a tiny apartment with a couple of roommates.
You will also want to consider their closeness to you. It may not matter much when children are very young, but as they grow up and start in school and other activities, it will be much more difficult for them to be expelled from their hometown and sent to a distant relative, especially since they also mourn. your death in this hypothetical situation.
Consider their experience
It is true that you had no parenting experience before having children, but learning on the spot with your own child is very different from suddenly finding yourself a full-fledged parent for, say, a 12-year-old and an 8-year-old. one-year-old.
The fact that they are not parents is not necessarily a reason for excluding someone from the classroom – they may have a special bond with your children, or they may have a job where they work with children, and you are sure that they can act as parents. But it is certainly worth considering how unpleasant the transition will be for them.
Ask them
You may have decided that your sister is the best (or only) person to raise your children while you are away. Great, but you’re not done yet; you should really ask her. Of course, the conversation itself can be a little awkward. Your sister will likely be incredibly flattered that she is the person you trust most for this task – but that is also an important question. It is highly unlikely that she will ever really have to raise these kids, but she needs to be prepared for such an opportunity, however unlikely it may be.
You must make it clear that you know you are asking for something serious and that if she is unwilling or unable to do so, she must tell you before you write her name on your will. There may be information about her life, health, or career that you do not know, but that could influence this decision. This is not the kind of thing you want to impose on her from the afterlife.
Reconsider your choices from time to time
A lot can change in childhood. People get sick. Or they go abroad. Or they have four children of their own and no longer have room for the three you would give them. The person you choose when your first child is a few months old may not be the person you would choose when you have a couple of teens. It’s okay to change your mind if the situation calls for it.
Every few years, evaluate your life and the life of your potential caregiver and reevaluate whether your choice is still the most reasonable for everyone involved. If you decide that you need to change something, talk to everyone involved so that there are no big surprises later.