How to Teach Children to Receive Gifts Graciously?
As we get closer to the biggest time of year for gifts, kids are bound to experience the excitement this month brings, the thrill of ripping through all this paper and, yes, even a little disappointment. (“Socks ?? I don’t want socks !”)
As adults, we know how to be supportive of a gift that doesn’t really matter to us, but we haven’t always been that way. We, too, were once dumb little creatures who hadn’t yet developed the impulsive control needed to mask our disgust for that ugly sweater from Aunt May. And yet it is a shame to be a parent of a child who clearly does not like what a loved one gave them.
I asked the parents of our Offspring Facebook group how they managed to teach their kids the gift-taking skills, and they had some great ideas on how to practice it ahead of the holidays.
Julie says she turns it into a game:
I would give the kids a sock or say to them in the car on the way to the gift-giving event, “Here, I just gave you Brussels sprouts,” or something like that, and they would have to answer. “Thank you! These socks are great! They are very soft and I am sure they will be very warm!” Or “Thank you! I love Brussels sprouts!” Wow! LEGO set! You have already built it! It will save me time! “
And Christina teaches her children, giving them the opportunity to receive favorable responses to the gifts they have chosen:
We take our kids to the dollar store every year (this is what all the kids in our family do). We take a list of all family and friends we are buying for. They choose one item for each person on the list. We take all this home and put it in a paper lunch bag, glue it on and decorate. We keep their gifts as the last ones on Christmas morning. They hand out each gift and stand by, expecting to see the recipient’s expression. (This has become a game for adults to give a better reaction, but not overdo it.) Children are so excited and proud that it really reduces jealousy and attitude because they get so excited when they pass out / give their own gifts.
Lisa, meanwhile, focuses on how not to respond with this visual reminder:
Every year before Christmas we show our children a home video from Christmas, when my husband was 12 and his sister was 7. She gets everything she wants, very excited and happy. Then he gets a boombox, which I guess she thought was “cooler” than her dolls, and she starts throwing a tantrum on the video. We use this as a cautionary tale, and it’s a family tradition at this point!
(Lisa says her sister-in-law doesn’t mind being a bad example here.)
Sometimes, fortunately, children give us their own negative reactions in private, which gives us the opportunity to discuss it, as Amy did:
For her 5th birthday, [my daughter] received an embroidered unicorn pillow. It’s pretty cool, but she wasn’t impressed. She said “thank you” to the donor and then with tears in her eyes told me that it was a terrible gift because “you shouldn’t get pillows for your birthday, a pillow is a terrible gift for your birthday.” We talked about how the giver loves decorative pillows and how they choose special pieces of jewelry that they think Adeline will love. This led us to talk about thoughtfulness and gratitude for the people in our lives for their love and consideration, and not for what we can get from them. She led this conversation, I confirmed her feelings of surprise and disappointment and allowed her to discuss the situation. Basically I asked questions like, do you think (the giver) thought it was a terrible gift? Why do you think they chose this gift? We spoke briefly at the party, but most of it happened over the next few days.
In a simple, polite response to receiving gifts in advance (smiles and says “thank you”), allowing them to participate in giving their gifts – and then realizing that from a developmental point of view, it can take a child years to see the situation from the other person’s point of view – good Start. But we could all use a few more tactics to help our children control their negative reactions.
So tell us: how did you instill kindness in your children? What was the worst reaction they ever had to a gift they received, and how did you deal with it on the spot and after?