12 Days of Christmas Is a Hideous Chronicle of Consumer Excesses

Judging by its seasonal ubiquity, even 240 years after it was written , Twelve Days of Christmas is undoubtedly one of the most enduring holiday tunes of all , perhaps because it is both catchy, a little annoying, and fun to sing at the same time. Yorke likened it to the Christmas equivalent of 99 Beers on the Wall ). However, while it was most likely written centuries ago in France , amidst the contrasting poverty and extremes of the pre-revolutionary era, and first published in England in 1780, even as the Empire fought stubborn rebels across the Atlantic in 13 American colonies. The relevance of carols in today’s United States – in which the spirit of Christmas moves as much as consumerism and holy awe – goes far beyond the lighthearted memory and hardship game or the cumulative song to mark the day of the holiday. donation. No, the literal interpretation of the lyrics shows that this is, in fact, a terrifying chronicle of capitalist excesses. Let me explain. I’ve been familiar with the lyrics of this classic song backwards since I first sang it in the elementary school choir, but still I’ve never really thought about them, other than a smirk at their ridiculous anachronism (where did these jumpy lords come from? “True love” that we sing about, the responsibility to feed and support an army of milkmaids and a crowd of waterfowl? Ho ho ho really!). And yes, I chuckled at the annual media fervor about the estimated cost of all these many gifts, adjusted for inflation. But then a tweet from Dan McCoy , writer for The Daily Show and host of the regular bad movie podcast The Flop House , crossed my feed and opened my eyes:

Suddenly, what had always been a bit of a silly song about an apparently wealthy but delightfully in love fool became something darker. Beyond the already overwhelming wealth of casual reading of lyrics – costs approaching $ 40,000 in 2019 dollars , according to PNC Financial Services Group’s annual Christmas price index ; raises eyebrows, but no more extreme than what we take for granted from modern celebrities whom we deify – becomes downright demonic when we weigh the significance of this critical connection: and .

As many respondents to Mr. McCoy’s informal survey noted, repeating the words “ and partridge in a pear tree” in the gift report for each day greatly contributes to the interpretation that the recipient receives all the items each subsequent day. , with a value that increases exponentially, as shown in the following equation:

12 (1 partridge in a pear tree) + 11 (2 turtle doves) + 10 (3 French hens) + 9 (4 screaming birds) + 8 (5 golden boers) + 7 (6 geese in a clutch) + 6 (7 swans swim) + 5 (8 maids milked) + 4 (9 girls dancing) + 3 (10 lords jumping) + 2 (11 pipers) + 1 (12 drummers playing drums)

Thus, using the above figures provided by PNC Financial Services Group in 2019, we can calculate the total value of these signs of “true love” as follows:

[12 (1 partridge in a pear tree)] x $ 210.17 + [11 (2 turtle doves)] x $ 300 + [10 (3 French chickens)] x $ 181.50 + [ 9 (4 screaming birds)] x $ 599.96 + [8 (5 gold rigs)] x $ 825 + [7 (6 geese on the move)] x $ 420 + [6 (7 floating swans)] x $ 13,135 + [5 (8 maids milked)] x $ 58 + [4 (9 dancing girls)] x $ 7,552.84 + [3 (10 jumping lords)] x 10,000 + [2 ( 11 pipers)] x $ 2,748.87 + [1 (12 drummers drumming)] x $ 2,972.25

The amount to save computing time is $ 131,676.68, which exceeds the total net worth of 65 percent of Americans . As the wealth gap in our country is only widening , I think we can all agree that this kind of display – even for 12 days – is, frankly, not so much a sign of romantic devotion as an indicator of anxious self-centeredness bordering on narcissism. … Perhaps I am protesting too much. Perhaps Twelve Days of Christmas is just a meaningless song filled with meaningless, outlandish imagery. Or maybe: perhaps it’s a non plus ultra anthem for a year in which hundreds of thousands of the poorest Americans died from a virus that barely affected the wealthy classes who could use some of their wealth to help improve so much of this anguish. During the year, when ordinary citizens received strict warnings from wealthy and influential officials to stay at home and eat alone, cooked at home for the holidays, while they themselves lavishly dined and flew to foreign resorts . During a year in which a majority in the Senate has fought to defend the rights of businesses not to be persecuted for putting their employees at risk , while ignoring the growing need for direct cash assistance to those who suffer the most . Yes, at its most literal level, The Twelve Days of Christmas chronicles sickening greed for a year like 2020. But remember: these texts were first published in France in 1780. several years ahead in history to see the fate awaiting the aristocracy, indifferent to the suffering of ordinary people. Justice falls on the edge of a knife, and not all gifts are welcome. “Freedom, equality, fraternity or death; – the last one is the easiest to give. “ Merry Christmas!