Why You Need to Be Kind and Not Nice
There was a feeling, especially over the past year, as if people weren’t particularly good at each other. It hasn’t been an easy time, and it’s hard to muster enough social favor to say hello to that neighbor who has peppered his lawn with the political signs of a figure you despise. But it may be time to reevaluate the value of kindness anyway, because kindness is so much more important and they are not the same thing.
I came across this tweet last week, and as someone who lived on both sides of the country, it amused me:
But as soon as I stopped amusing myself (mentally imagining a stereotypical rude guy from Philadelphia who would curse you for shivering when you’re in the frost without a coat, like a dumbass even when he gives you a coat from his back), Point of View I remember Jordana. You can be kind but not nice, and you can be nice without being kind. Kindness, they point out , satisfies needs, regardless of tone.
Obviously, a combination of kindness and courtesy is ideal. After all, it was possible to transfer the coat without being rude. But if the current state of affairs has tired us so much that we need to recover one skill at a time, start with kindness.
Think of kindness as an action that accompanies (or replaces) your words. He silently helps a struggling mom of three unload groceries into the trunk instead of smiling and saying, “You’re doing great Mom,” as you drive by. This will bring your sick friend a pot of soup instead of sighing sympathetically and telling you that you hope they feel better soon. You are kind if you throw your neighbor’s car out from under a pile of snow, stop to help a stranger change a wheel, or pause to show a clearly lost person the way – even if you are not the type to bother saying, “Bless you.” when someone sneezes.
You may not want to exchange pleasantries with that neighbor who finally lifted the ridiculous political banner; but if the wind blows their trash cans down the street, it would be kindly to drag them back.