Where to Start When Everything Seems to Be Going Right in Your Life
A bad day can happen from time to time, but there are longer periods of time that can turn into weeks or months when you feel unmotivated, lost, or hopeless . Life may keep piling up, but here are some starting points to help you get out of your hole and get back on track.
This is an awfully large topic, so we asked you to share your personal experience and you answered. There have been so many great contributions, so thanks to everyone who told your story. All of this is great stories and advice from readers like you, mixed with our own advice and strategies and research that show you how to get out of any rut in your life.
Just do something
Perhaps you are feeling stagnant because … well, you are. You wake up, work, go to bed and repeat. Sometimes, when it looks like you’re not going anywhere, you just need something to loosen the gear. It doesn’t matter what it is – many of you have recommended volunteering, attending classes, or doing community service – but if you try something outside your norm ( especially if you learn something ) it can make a big difference. You can discover what you love or meet new people who will bring a new flavor to your usual daily recipe.
Many people may feel unhappy because there is nothing in their life that worries them, so it is important to look for it everywhere. Chances are, it’s your comfort zone that is letting you down. You never know where something will lead you. If anything interests you at all, give it a try. Ken Reynolds did just that :
I decided to be proactive rather than react. I’ve always had a passion for programming and software development, but have always given it up in the past because I convinced myself that I didn’t have enough mind to do it. Instead of giving it up again, I signed up for an account with Code Academy and learned how to write JavaScript … I applied for a software engineer position at IBM through the support of another close friend. I got a job, I am learning and growing more than ever before, and I have fulfilled one of my wildest dreams, which I have never dreamed of before. The best thing you can do is just do something. Anything. Once you’ve done something, don’t stop doing it. Is always.
What you do doesn’t always have to be great. It can be just one little thing . Think about what has been bothering you for a long time and deal with it. Fix a wobbly doorknob, cancel your Netflix subscription, or make an appointment you’ve been putting off. A sense of accomplishment will keep you moving again.
What matters is that you make the move. You take control, no matter how insignificant the action seems, and prove to yourself that you have the power to change the way you feel. Go crochet or try a meal you’ve never eaten before. Just pick something – whatever you feel – and go for it.
Seek support
You might think that you are a rock, but the truth is that no one can do everything on their own. Find someone to listen to you, give you advice, or even get you out of the house to take a walk in the park. It doesn’t matter how lonely you are, you are not. Lifehacker commentator Pickles says this is the key to feeling better in your life:
People. It’s all about the people in your life. I guarantee that somewhere there is someone who cares about you. Eventually, I met again with college friends I hadn’t seen much in the last couple of years, and this friendship is what gave me the strength to keep going and move forward in life. Having people around you who legitimately care about you, want to spend time with you, and want to see you succeed can make a huge difference.
Chat with family, friends, or perhaps even a colleague. There is nothing wrong with asking for help when you need it. If you think you are depressed, it is even more important to seek help. Depression is a struggle that can keep you depressed more than any rut, but it shouldn’t stay that way. How you feel is perfectly true , but when you are depressed, there is more than simple unhappiness that happens.
Get professional help and remember that your mental health check should be just as important as your physical health check. There is always a way to talk to someone, even if you cannot afford it .
Of course, there is always power in words. Maybe a specific passage from a book or a quote that will give you the boost you need. Fiona2393 finds strength in speech:
In the midst of a mild depression / rut, I stumbled upon the answer from Gene Kranz, the respected mission chief, who gave his team after the loss of three astronauts in the launch pad fire … I went back to these two paragraphs more than I can count. Admitting that somewhere in my life I screwed up and that I have a lot of work to do to “fix” it is half the battle.
Whatever works for you, you need support from time to time. It is not easy to ask for this, but those around you do not want to see you unhappy. So reach out for something – people, religion, inspiring words – take it tight and start moving forward.
Get some exercise
There are many good reasons to exercise , but there is never a better time than when you are in a routine. You will increase your self-confidence, relieve stress from a tired mind, improve sleep, and get more energy to do what you really care about. Translation: you will be happier.
When you start out, you don’t have to be crazy. A thing as simple as walking 25 minutes a day can get you moving and changing your pace. The commenter pdxwhy decided to go for a while to think:
I started race walking and then got into race walking. It allowed me to really think and just be present. The walks allowed me to meditate and pray and literally become those important first steps to a better life.
I always tell people to take a walk and think.
If you want to shift more intensely between gears, set an exercise goal for yourself. Scott Thigpen was aiming for something big:
… in the background was a film called Ride the Divide, a documentary about an event called Tour Divide, one of the toughest mountain bike races in the world. I said, “Well, that looks like a good goal.” And over the course of two years, I’ve worked a little bit by training and building on that (and actually using GTD principles and applying them to mountain biking).
On June 14, 2013, I started against over 160 people from all over the world. Needless to say, I’m no longer stumped …
Of course, you don’t have to participate in the world’s toughest cycling race. As long as you start moving, you will feel better and ready to handle the things that are squeezing life out of you. Find a sport, hobby, or daily routine that you want to stick to and you will feel better right away.
Go outside
Will a few minutes outdoors (or at least outside the home) make a whole difference in your life? Probably not, but this is a good first step towards feeling better. In fact, recent research has shown that even five minutes in nature can improve your mood:
The researchers conducted two separate tests in which participants were asked to sit in a room or outdoors for different periods of time with no electronic devices to occupy them.
While negative emotions subside in both situations after just a few minutes, being in nature tends to generate positive emotions.
So go out, talk about walking around the block, go to the park, or just sit outside for a few minutes. A change of scenery can help.
Make changes in your life, big or small
For many people who feel stuck, there is a certain thing in life that weighs them down. This could be your place of residence, your job, or even a specific person who is sucking the happiness out of you (or even all three). Take time to reflect on aspects of your life and identify what might be the source of the negativity that needs to be changed.
If your job makes you unhappy, you don’t have to quit . Simply changing the boundaries between work and personal time can help. The commentator angrygreycatreads was unhappy with the work, but found a way to make it better:
I can’t quit my job, but I’ve found that by setting some clear boundaries, not letting work affect my personal life the way it did, and doing more things that I enjoy (especially right after work) “No, I leave on time attending yoga classes ”helped a lot.
By setting boundaries, you have more free time. You can use this free time to rest and recharge, or, as commentator scarlet.pirate suggests, schedule your free time as if it were a second job:
It was necessary to WORK on this. So hanging out with friends was like scheduling appointments or visiting clients – instead of being passive, you end up being very active. Instead of “well, I don’t think they answered me,” you start taking responsibility. When are you better? Hey, I didn’t get an answer, are we still in touch? (People are weird; say, “Do you want to hang out sometime?” And that never happens. Say, “Are you free this Friday after work?” And start a discussion.)
Sometimes a simple change can make a difference, but other times a much larger change is required. Maybe there is someone in your life who knows nothing but negative. No matter how difficult it is, cutting this person out of your life is what you need. Your environment can also influence you. Commenter edenn1423 needed a change badly enough to go with the nuclear option:
Moved out of the “destination” city, which had a shitty job and a shitty relationship. I just dropped everything and left. After 3 years, I’m making twice as much money, working 90% less, bought a house, had a baby and quit getting drunk every night. The best solution ever.
Sometimes the change you need to make is in your mind, in your way of thinking. Have you ever thought that maybe things are not as bad as you think? Perhaps you are just looking at everything too “glass is half empty”. The Reboot commenter decided to take responsibility for what was happening:
I felt – and said: “Above me is a black cloud.” Once I realized that bad things happen not only to me. I called them. When I took responsibility for my life and stopped making excuses, everything changed. It wasn’t easy, but I got myself back on track. I made a choice that led to “bad things,” and once I decided to rethink that choice, the bad things disappeared. It seems, as it were, something like. Bad things still happen. But you are in control of your own happiness. If you let life happen to you. It’s over before you know it.
There is no better time to try to change your thinking than when you feel like you are out of control . Remember, nothing will change if you don’t take action. You control who you spend your time with, what you do with your time, where you live, how you think about things, and even where you work, to some extent. Simply changing any of these things can give you the perspective adjustment you need.
There is no right answer to getting out of a tough situation, because everyone’s situations are completely different, but hopefully some of these ideas can be a launching pad for you. If anything, take these stories and advice as proof that even the lowest adversity in life can be overcome.
This story was originally published in September 2014 and was updated on January 25, 2021 in line with the Lifehacker style guidelines.