Five Questions I Ask Myself Before Every Therapy Session
At the beginning of each appointment, my therapist asks, “What’s on your agenda?”
I’ve been seeing the same therapist for about eight years, so I’ve had plenty of time to develop a routine. I treat my regular therapy sessions like a job, a training program, or a religious service. I do everything I can to maximize the efficiency and effectiveness of our sessions together, including keeping a pre-session journal to help me create an agenda before each meeting.
Knowing where I want to go saves valuable appointment time, creates a record of what issues come up again and again, and gives me a starting point for reflection and follow-up after the session. I’m going to share with you a pre-session planning strategy that helps me organize my thoughts and make the most of my time with my therapist—if for no other reason than to avoid those awkward silences while you’re trying to figure out what to talk about.
Minimal preparation for therapy
So you barely have enough time to schedule therapy, let alone have a pre-therapy planning session. I have weeks like this too. On days when I come in without any plans, my therapist can still find some useful thread to follow up on. However, even a little preparation—five to ten minutes before I log into a video meeting—can ensure that we get to what’s really bothering me.
Question one: What is the biggest problem on my mind right now?
This question saves me from two therapeutic mistakes: first, talking about what I think I “should” talk about in therapy, and second, picking up where we left off in the last session. even if it is no longer the most pressing issue. . I like to start over with whatever situation, feeling or problem is occupying the most space in my head that day. Even if it is trivial, the discussion often leads to broader topics that may relate to areas we have previously worked on in therapy.
Deeper Questions to Ask Yourself
Keeping a therapeutic diary is not for everyone, but for me it is important. In its most succinct form, my therapy diary contains the answer to the question posed above, notes made during the session, as well as tasks and thoughts that should be implemented after that.
When I have more space and time, my therapy journal is full of daily reflections that help me solve problems on my own or better understand what I want to talk about in the next session. Here are some questions I ask myself for my weekly or daily therapy journal:
Question two: What emotions do I experience?
This question seems simple, but identifying your emotions is not so easy. I usually answer: “How are you?” with “OK” and expect my intonation to provide the details.
If you also have a hard time coming to mind the exact words that express emotions, always keep a feeling wheel handy (I have it in my notes app). Identifying your feelings before therapy will give you the vocabulary to start a conversation with your therapist, rather than expecting them to interpret your cryptic “OK.” Tracking your emotions for a week will help you recognize patterns and give you even more practice identifying your emotions.
Question three: is there anything left after my last session?
Sometimes you’re in therapy and the buzzer goes off and you just want to keep following that thread. Or maybe something related has happened and you just want to keep your therapist updated. I usually try to make a note in my journal if there is a topic I want to return to in the next class.
Question four: How did I cope this week and what worked?
This question is most clear during hard patches. If things have been hectic and I’ve coped by doing something that ultimately made me feel worse, then talking about it in therapy can help us find alternative strategies. If I’ve dealt with tough days by doing things that really helped, this exercise will reinforce what I need to do to improve my well-being.
Question five: Is there anything I don’t want to talk about in therapy?
It’s kind of a trick question, but a targeted one! This can help you determine which topics are most sensitive to you and decide whether you want to maintain boundaries around them or start talking about them with your therapist. Avoidance can hold back progress, so take time to discuss any topics you’ve been reluctant to discuss. This can truly lead to breakthrough moments.
I always use this prompt as a challenge. Is there anything I’m hesitant to talk about? To me this is a good clear sign that I need to bring this into the light and deal with it. I feel safe doing this because I have a very long and trusting relationship with my therapist. Protecting boundaries with complex themes is also the right choice.
Tailor your therapy preparation to suit your needs and capacity.
Self-reflection to prepare for therapy can be as simple or intense as you like. I like to write down these questions several times a week and spend a few minutes before therapy emphasizing my priorities. You can simply take five minutes to ask yourself the first question on this list.
Even if your approach is minimal, I suggest keeping a therapy journal to track the answers to these questions and reflect on progress over time. We’ll all have weeks where we don’t have the time or energy to prepare, but going to therapy regularly without a plan can mean missed opportunities for deeper work.