Eight Strategies to Use in Almost Any Debate
There are many ways to “win” an argument that simply involve being manipulative, abusive, or otherwise shitty to the other person. In an era of polarized opinions and heated debates—to put it mildly—the art of engaging in thoughtful, productive debate seems futile.
While there are many tactics for “winning” an argument, real progress comes from approaches that prioritize mutual understanding and respect. Here are some strategies you can use if you sincerely want to have honest conversations and achieve better understanding with others.
Set Ground Rules
Depending on how formal the conversation seems, it may be helpful to agree on some ground rules for the discussion. Before delving into controversial topics, suggest them to the other person:
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No personal attacks or name calling
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Speak in turns without interrupting
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Commitment to remain respectful even in the face of disagreement
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Agreeing to take breaks when emotions run high.
Having these guidelines in place can help maintain a constructive atmosphere throughout the discussion.
Set yourself up for active listening
Before you get into a debate, make a conscious commitment to truly listen to the other person. Active listening involves more than just waiting for your turn to speak. This means giving your full attention to the speaker and trying to understand their point of view, even if you disagree with it. Instead of immediately launching counterarguments to your side, ask clarifying questions and summarize what you hear to confirm your understanding. This will also help the other person hear exactly what their arguments sound like.
By actively listening, you demonstrate respect for the other person’s point of view and create an atmosphere that promotes mutual understanding. (Here are some more tips to help improve your active listening skills .)
Seek common ground
Start the conversation by identifying areas of agreement. This lays a foundation of shared values or interests that can help bridge differences later in the discussion. For example, try something direct: “ Before we get into our differences, can we talk about what we both agree on on this issue?” » getting involved in a meaningless fight. Finding common ground humanizes both parties and reminds everyone that you are on the same team in pursuit of the best outcome.
Use “I” statements
A classic for a reason. Frame your arguments using “I” statements rather than accusatory “you” statements. To paraphrase every couples therapist I’ve ever seen, this is the approach:
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Takes responsibility for his feelings and opinions
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Reduces the other person’s defensiveness
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Maintains focus on your point of view rather than attacking someone else’s
For example, instead of saying, “You’re completely wrong about that,” try saying, “I see this problem differently, and here’s why…”
Put curiosity before conviction
I’ve written before about my mantra of putting curiosity over performance in conversations. Likewise, you should enter into any debate or argument with a genuine desire to learn rather than simply prove your point. Ask yourself:
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What might I not understand about their point of view?
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What experiences shaped their views?
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What can I learn from this conversation, even if we still disagree?
This shift in thinking can turn a potential argument into an opportunity for growth and deeper understanding.
Be willing to change your mind
I get it: If you’re debating whether the claim that immigrants in Ohio eat pets is hate speech , you might not feel open-minded. However, debates stall when people focus solely on their positions rather than their core interests. Try to uncover the underlying issues and motivations behind each person’s position. This may reveal unexpected areas of overlap and open up new opportunities for problem solving.
Likewise, enter a debate with a sincere willingness to change your mind if presented with compelling evidence or arguments. Even if you don’t ultimately change your position, this attitude makes for a more productive exchange.
Practice empathy
Make a conscious effort to empathize with the other person’s position. Try to understand not only their logical arguments, but also their emotional investment in the topic. Acknowledging their feelings can go a long way in building rapport and facilitating more constructive dialogue.
Separate facts from interpretations
In any debate, it is vital to distinguish between objective facts and subjective interpretations. Be clear about what is what in your arguments, and ask for clarification when the other person presents information that blurs the lines. This practice helps focus disagreements on interpretations and opinions rather than on basic facts, because if the other person in a conversation lets the facts slip away , you will realize that your real struggle is to find that common ground at all, and that may not happen. be possible.
Bottom line: Strive for progress, not “winning.”
Change your goal from “winning” the debate to making progress on the problem. This may mean finding areas of compromise and agreeing on general principles, even if specific solutions differ.
Unfortunately, applying these strategies to your debates requires a lot of practice and patience—and, from personal experience, swallows a lot of pride. This is not always easy, especially when discussing deeply held beliefs or emotionally charged topics. However, by adhering to these principles, you create the conditions for more thoughtful, productive, and ultimately satisfying exchanges. Remember, the goal is not to beat the other person, but to build mutual understanding and find better solutions together.