Basic Etiquette Every Child Should Know by Age 9
The obvious news is that the world is becoming more impolite. Scroll through your TikTok feed or watch your local news, and you’ll likely see plenty of videos of people tactlessly buying groceries, boarding a plane, or standing in line at their favorite fast food restaurant.
This wave of rudeness doesn’t seem to be going away any time soon either. According to a report published last year by King’s College London, only 52% of parents in the United States believe that good manners are essential to children’s education, down nearly 25% from 1990.
According to Forbes , incivility can lead to increased anxiety, depression and other mental health problems. In this article, Joseph Schrand, MD, professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, chief medical officer at Riverside Community Care, and author of Unleashing the Power of Respect: The IM Approach, talks about returning to the “lost art of manners.” and show kindness and understanding to others. “When was the last time you were angry at someone who treated you with respect?” he asked.
The first place to start is to teach children basic manners and have parents model appropriate behavior. With our busy schedules, sometimes it’s easier said than done. If caregivers focus on a few basic etiquette rules from the beginning, politeness can again become contagious.
With that in mind, here are some essential rules for teaching one-year-olds before they turn nine.
Say please and thank you.
“Please” is a magic word, and using it when you ask for something will most of the time help you get what you want. Its counterpart, “thank you,” is the surest way to express gratitude to someone. Most of us probably already instill this in our children, but it’s surprisingly difficult for children to remember, so be sure to model it yourself when asking them to do something, whether it’s picking up toys or brushing their teeth. Even if you have already asked them several times.
Wait your turn to speak
Waiting for a conversation to begin requires considerable patience—an art that even adults can master. My two sons have a hard time dealing with this concept because one sibling usually feels like they spend a lot more time alone with the parent than the other. By explaining that waiting for one’s turn to speak would cause less frustration and ensure equal time, we slightly reduced the number of rude interruptions. (Just make sure you give them a chance to speak.)
Say “sorry”
There are times when your child needs to interrupt the discussion (go to the bathroom). Let them know that at a time like this, the best way to engage in conversation is to say, “Excuse me.” This phrase is also useful when you are trying to avoid bumping into other people.
Don’t comment on other people’s appearance
As someone who was teased about my appearance as a teenager, it took me a while to realize that my kids weren’t saying mean things about me to hurt my feelings. They just haven’t developed the social skills to know that it might make someone else uncomfortable. One way we have tried to develop this skill in our children is by explaining to them that they should not comment on how someone looks and subtly reminding them when they forget.
I will add that it is also important not to call each other names. As someone who regularly reads the Dog Man graphic novel series to my children, I have a hard time getting this message across since every book seems to have a chapter dedicated to insulting someone else. But name-calling can hurt feelings in the future, and as silly as it may sound, I try to remind them that while calling someone a “one-nosed bubble dumpling” is okay in comics, it can lead to offense in real life. life.
Avoid swearing
This is a hard skill to pass on, especially after we started showing PG-13 movies to our oldest child. Initially we thought it would be best to avoid using these words, but identifying “c-words”, “C-words”, “N-words”, etc. made it easier for him to avoid using them. If he has questions about whether a certain word is acceptable, we usually ask, “Would you feel comfortable saying that to your teacher?” This helped him figure things out on his own.
Ask how someone else is doing
In other words, when someone asks how you are doing, you should answer and return the favor. This shows interest and goes a long way towards helping others feel seen and welcomed.
Get permission
Most families have a system for using items that require authorization, such as playing games on the Switch or using certain toys at home. To avoid disappointment, we tell our children that if there is any doubt about whether they need permission to use something, they should ask.
Ask others if they need help
Telling others that they need help teaches children to be considerate, take initiative, and understand the importance of caring for others.
Hold the door
When I pick up or drop off my children at school, I see firsthand how even parents can be confused by this simple act of kindness. This can lead to a cluster of bodies at the entrance. This will take some practice, but you can repeat that it only takes a minute during the day for your child to help someone through a door safely.
Knocking when the door is closed
Respecting someone’s privacy is polite. When teaching children to knock before entering, remind them to wait for an answer before entering.
Send thank you notes
When you receive a gift from a friend or relative, you can say “thank you,” but an even better way to express your gratitude is with a card or note. Writing a thank you note can also be a fun activity for your child.
Proper behavior at the dinner table
Eating etiquette includes several rules of behavior, such as holding utensils correctly, placing a napkin in your lap at the dinner table rather than using your sleeve, and not reaching across the table to grab something. Provide regular refresher courses to ensure your children remember their table manners.