How to Raise a Healthy Gamer, According to a Psychiatrist

There is so much parental guilt and anxiety surrounding the topic of screen time. If you let your kids play video games as much as they want, they may disappear into the virtual world, never to be seen again. If you set limits, you can listen to endless conversations to get more screen time.

You probably know from personal experience that digital games aren’t all bad: they can be a relaxing way to switch off, develop skills, or spark your imagination. So how can you let your children experience these benefits without the fear of breaking their fragile brains?

Dr. Alok Kanojia, a psychiatrist and founder of the Healthy Gamer coaching program , also struggled with gaming in his youth and eventually dropped out of college and moved to an ashram. He eventually returned to college and medical school and now works with families to balance the fun of games with the danger of games crowding out other pleasures and needs in a child’s life. Kanojia recently wrote a book on the topic , How to Raise a Healthy Gamer: End Power Struggles, Break Bad Screen Habits, and Transform Your Relationships with Your Kids .

He shared some warning signs of unhealthy play and tips for parents to promote good play relationships.

Identify the red flags of unhealthy gaming

You might be wondering if your child’s gaming habits qualify as an “addiction,” a scary label that every parent has to contend with. “At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter and isn’t necessarily helpful to call it an addiction or not. If it causes a problem, then it’s a problem,” Kanojia says.

Here are signs that gaming may be a problem for your child:

• Neglecting other activities or responsibilities in favor of gaming.

• Isolation from friends and family in favor of games

• Sleeping too much or not enough

• Neglect of hygiene

• Not enjoying what you used to enjoy

• Lies about games

• Increased irritability or moodiness when you are not playing.

• Problems interacting with people or participating in class

• Overspending on games

“Remember, these are indicators, not absolutes, and open communication is key to understanding the root causes and seeking help when needed,” says Kanojia.

Top Tips for Raising Healthy Gamers

Whether you’ve noticed signs of a gaming problem or are hoping to prevent one, Kanojia has tips for parents on how to keep gaming habits healthy.

• Keep communication about video games open.

  • Talk openly about games, such as your experiences with video games, what games they are interested in, what they like about them.

  • Set clear expectations about when and where gaming is allowed, and what kind of gaming is acceptable.

  • Listen actively, reflecting and confirming what you hear, asking questions for clarity.

  • Avoid shame. Try to understand what they like about games rather than judging or rejecting them.

• Prioritize balance and other activities.

  • Encourage diverse interests in other media, hobbies, books, physical activity, communication, or social participation.

  • Set realistic screen time limits.

  • Make time with your family without screens.

  • Lead by example with your own healthy technology habits.

• Build trust and cooperation with your play child.

  • Involve your child in creating the rules of the game. Offer your ideas and ask for their suggestions. If you communicate your concerns clearly and they communicate their desires clearly, you’ll have an easier time finding a solution that works for everyone.

  • Offer alternatives to meet your needs. Understanding what your child gets from play can help you come up with other activities that might scratch the same itch.

  • Seek professional help if necessary. A third party, such as a therapist, can help you both find a healthy solution.

• Get everything on one page. Expectations must be clearly defined and communicated, including boundaries for game time, content, and in-game purchases.

“Build trust and collaboration by working together on solutions, proposing alternatives, and celebrating their progress,” says Kanojia.

Age-appropriate tips for healthy play

Children’s brains and abilities change greatly throughout childhood. The way you approach gaming will change too. Kanojia shared some tips for handling video games for children of different ages.

Primary School

This is probably when children will be first introduced to games, unless they have been watching you play since birth (no shadow). Here’s how to start off on the right foot:

• Make sure the games they learn are age appropriate.

• Stick to short, supervised play sessions.

• Encourage active play.

• Talk openly with your children about online safety.

Teenagers

Children in their teens become savvy with devices and are likely to become interested in games that they learn about from friends. Here’s how to help them explore:

• Supervise them as they engage with different games and genres.

• Discuss and agree on appropriate screen time.

• Encourage social play with a focus on safety.

• Monitor their online behavior.

Teens

They are on the cusp of adulthood, so teens need to practice independence with the safety and support of real adults. Here’s how to help them become healthy independent gamers:

• Respect their independence. You’ve been open about what they want from games and what your expectations are. This is where they test the waters and apply your guidance to their decisions.

• Discuss responsible choices. Do you play all night before the final or do you play to blow off some steam after the final? Help them see the difference between choices that are in their best interests and choices that are not in their best interests.

• Promote responsible communication and positive online interactions.

• Offer support and guidance.

“Remember, these are general guidelines,” Kanojia says. “Adapt them to your child’s individual needs and maturity level. By focusing on communication, balance and trust, you can help your child navigate the world of play in a healthy and rewarding way.”

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