How to (Safely) Participate in Wax Play

Wax play, which is mostly associated with BDSM, includes wax melt as a sensual or sensation-oriented type of play where melted wax is dripped onto each other, or it can be done more sensually, using a massage candle. As for why people engage in wax play, according to Dr. Carol Queen, staff sexologist at Good Vibes , the reasons vary, whether couples are interested in exploring kink, temperature play, or craving something a little sensual.

“Hot wax play can be a kink—something that gets participants very aroused because of the sensation or even the idea,” she says. “The sensation can be shocking, especially when combined with blindfolding, so depending on how hot the wax is, it can be a form of sadism/masochism or pain play. pain component, it can still contain many elements of power play (again, especially if blindfolded). Emotional or mental reactions may include fear and anticipation, both of which can be very erotic for some people.”

What happens during wax play?

In both types of play—whether you prefer sensation-based or sensual play—one partner drips melted wax onto the other. The difference, Quinn says, between the two types of wax play lies (at least in part) in the type of wax used.

“In sensation-based wax play, the wax will be hotter, causing a tingling or slight burning sensation— candle wax will be used for this,” she explains. “ Massage candles are used for sensual play. They’re made from wax (often soybean oil based) with a much lower melting point than paraffin or other candle materials, meaning it’s not as hot when melted and you’ll get warm massage oil instead of beads of wax that harden on the skin. From there, massage and other forms of erotic play are logical (and delicious) next steps, although I wouldn’t recommend massage candle oil as an internal lubricant for insertion. If you use this, be sure to purchase an unscented candle. These candles are not designed for that purpose and using fragrances in your lube is simply not a good idea.”

In a game based on the sensation of a top dripping wax onto a bottom, Quinn says it may have a “maintenance top” energy to your experience, “because the bottom loves it and wants to do it, or it may have a ‘sexual threat.’ . energy (still consensual and consensual, mind you!) with a lot of dirty talk that emphasizes fear (consensual fear!) and helpless anticipation,” she says. “Again, blindfolding can increase this energy, as can bondage.”

Another scenario involves the wax dripping from above from some height – often a couple of feet – allowing the hot wax to cool slightly before it hits the body. “It’s dripped onto bare skin because it’s no fun removing wax from bedding, underwear, hair, etc.,” Quinn explains. “It hardens on the skin, and another level of play can involve the sensation of being picked or scraped off.”

How to play with wax safely

Queen recommends discussing the rules with your partner in advance and making sure you have a safe word. Also, since candles (in any type of play, kink or massage) involve lighting a candle and moving it, you should do this in an area where you don’t risk catching fire. It’s wise to make sure there’s a stable place to set the candle when you’re not holding it, and to make sure the flame is completely extinguished when you’re done.

“That level of awareness suggests that a certain level of sobriety is a good idea for this kind of play,” Quinn adds. “Also, be careful not to drip too high so that the wax doesn’t splatter and end up in places you didn’t intend. Also, keep the wax away from mucous membranes, keep it away from the body, and avoid getting it in your eyes and hair. Be sure to keep the candle away from flammable materials.”

How to Prepare for Wax Play

Since you’re dealing with fire, hot wax and skin, Quinn says it’s important to prepare your area and body beforehand. Some simple guidelines include making sure the candle is stable when not in your hands, that your matches or lighter are working, and that there is water nearby in case the lit wick gets a little unmanageable. It’s also a good idea to protect your sheets or furniture in case of wax spills, Queen says.

“It’s also good to know if your lower body has particularly sensitive skin, which may influence the type of wax you choose,” she says. “Test the bead of wax at the bottom first to make sure it’s not the material that’s causing the irritation.”

To make removal easier, Queen recommends using a scraper (such as a plastic card) to scrape the wax off the body after the procedure is complete, spanking it with a flogger, combing it, using ice and water, scraping with your fingernails, or using natural oils to massage the skin and moisturize the skin while removing the wax. .

Another thing to consider before getting into wax play is to decide if there is any hair on the lower body area where you plan to play. “It’s recommended to wax smooth skin, but some people have furry skin,” she says. “Maybe they’ll want to shave so they can play with the wax, maybe they won’t.”

Either way, she suggests lightly lubricating the bottom with something neutral, like unscented massage oil, shea butter, or silicone lube. “But be aware: many oils can ignite when exposed to an open flame, so it’s extremely important that the top of the candle controls them,” says Queen. “And if the candle burns unevenly (spits, pieces of the wick fall off), do not use it.”

What wax to use

“When I learned about my wax play knowledge, I was given information that the safest candles for wax play were plain, unscented white plumbers’ candles with a cotton wick,” says Queen. “White paraffin candles can be found in cones, in glass (such as altar candles) or as tealights. Altar candles come in a glass jar so they are easy to handle, but you will need to take care of the glass. Element. Tealights are also easy to use, as long as the metal casing they come in doesn’t become uncomfortably hot. They can be difficult to hold. If you use these or taper candles, make sure you prepare a safe place to place them. them down. This type is highly recommended if you are not aware of how sensitive the skin of your butt can be.” When it comes to beeswax, scented or colored candles, Queen says they can all burn hotter. “You won’t necessarily know what color and scent additives are in your candle, so at a minimum, check them first if you’re going to use a candle like this.”

How to Make Wax Play Sexy

So, you are in the bedroom with a candle. How can you make wax play sexier rather than weirder, especially if it’s your first time? The Queen suggests doing the following:

• Use a blindfold

• Throw in some bondage gear if you roll that way.

• Erotic conversation

• Removing wax is also a game of sensations: while this is happening, continue to see the scene.

• Make this part of the overall temperature game and keep a small bowl with a few ice cubes on hand. You can do it cool, then hot, then cool.

• Playing with wax often sensitizes the skin and a simple touch will feel different, so it’s also something erotic to explore.

Don’t forget about aftercare

As with any play that may involve strong feelings or fear, Queen says it’s important to come back to reality together and lose our power-sharing roles when appropriate.

“The top needs to see what the bottom might need, whether it’s hydration, a few bites of protein, a bath or a cuddle,” she says.

When it comes to wax play in particular, Queen says you need to make sure the skin on your butt is fine and “doesn’t need any burn or numbing creams. Make sure all wax is removed. Maybe we can take a shower together and wash off all the residue.”

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