Is Choking During Sex Really Safe?
If you’re wondering about choking during sex, you’re not alone. A 2020 National Probability Study of Americans ages 18 to 60 found that 21% of women reported being choked during sex, and 20% of men reported they had choked a partner during sex. As “Choke Me Daddy” memes spread on social media and beyond, it’s no surprise that the survey also found that adults aged 18 to 29 are choked at a much higher rate than older adults.
While suffocation, also known as erotic asphyxia, can heighten curiosity and arousal for some, it is not without risks. Here’s what you need to know to keep you safe and have a good time.
Why would anyone want to be choked during sex?
“Strangulation, erotic asphyxia, or as it is known in the kink community, breath play, is an activity in which a partner (or yourself, as in autoerotic asphyxia) restricts the air flow of a person’s breathing by putting pressure on their throat and windpipe. says Lisa Finn, a sex educator from Babland .
Finn says choking can be very hot for a number of the same reasons as any more “risky” form of play, especially BDSM play.
“Behind this is the adrenaline of danger, pain for pleasure, the physical sensation of pressure and dizziness, and a kind of primal and aggressive energy that requires more assertive handling,” she says. “One of the biggest choke calls we hear about is power exchange. The emotional and physical aspect of taking control or surrendering and letting go of control over something that can actually hurt (or even kill), and the trust and intimacy that comes with it.”
When it comes to the physical effects of choking, Finn says the sensation of suffocation causes a surge of adrenaline in our system and “triggers the sympathetic nervous system (that is, the response to danger, such as fight or flight). Combined with a high-like dizziness and an already heightened state of arousal, this can have effects such as added intensity or even a sort of euphoric orgasmic sensation.”
What is the risk of choking during sex?
While some may find it erotic, suffocation during sex can also be fatal, with autoerotic asphyxia estimated to cause 250-1,000 deaths per year in the United States.
“Strangulation is extremely dangerous, and if you don’t do it correctly, you can cause permanent brain damage to someone or even kill them,” says sex therapist Marla Renee Stewart, sex expert for sexual health brand and retailer Lovers .
That’s why she highly recommends taking a choke training course to make sure your lover is safe and that you’re using the right techniques.
“It’s considered Edge Play for a reason,” says Stewart. “You need to decide whether you want to use air or blood choke. I highly recommend the former because kink is easier for beginners and it’s really about restricting breathing rather than restricting blood flow to the brain. By choking on blood, you can compress the very important internal and external jugular veins. This is why I believe that this type of choke should only be used by those who are familiar with extreme games and the necessary precautions. You also need to have protections such as safe words, gestures and knowledge of the warning signs that you are hurting someone.”
For trauma survivors who want to introduce suffocation into their sex life, Stewart recommends first seeing a coach, therapist, or counselor who is knowledgeable about kinks and knowledgeable about trauma, and then working with someone who has experience using kinks to transform trauma. in people’s lives. Ideally, she says, it would be great if it were two different people working together to “make sure you get the help you need. Also, make sure you are aware of the different aspects of choking and know how to do it correctly. I think it’s best to go slow and integrate the different aspects of choking, and do it over time.”
What are some important things people should discuss before starting choking?
First of all, Finn says scene coordination and safety are very important, as with any BDSM activity, but especially one that can be as dangerous as breath play, which carries serious physical risks such as injury, brain damage or even death.
“This kind of play also comes with emotional and mental risks,” she says. “Being choked without warning or discussion, feeling like the experience is one-sided, or being pushed beyond your boundaries in any way, breath play can be terrifying and traumatic.”
Finn recommends taking the time to discuss this with your partner, and it’s also important to know what it is about choking that turns you on. Do you enjoy physical sensations? Do you want your choking to be aggressive or gentle? Is “struggle” part of the dynamics of role-playing, or is it a sign that something is wrong?
“Mismatched expectations in any intense scene can lead to a less pleasant or even downright uncomfortable experience, physically and emotionally,” explains Finn.
Second, Finn suggests saying a safe word and a safe action (or “safe gesture”).
“A safe word is a word you can say that tells you to stop whatever you’re doing for any reason, and it’s especially important during intense play like this,” she says. “When you’re choking your partner, you shouldn’t get to the point where they can’t speak. This is a sign that you have crossed the line of physical safety.”
However, if you or your partner have gotten to the point where you are unable to speak due to airflow obstruction or some other reason, someone may not be able to speak clearly or hear clearly when a safe word is used (for example, if loud music is playing, if the partner may not speak, if the partner is hard of hearing) it is important, she says, to have a safe action in addition to a safe word. Some examples of safe behaviors that Finn recommends include: squeaking a toy, dropping a set of keys, tapping a partner twice (“tapping”), or raising an open palm in a “stop” gesture.
If your partner becomes unresponsive, it is important to stop playing immediately and seek medical attention.