Age-Specific Guide to Help Your Child Overcome Stage Fright

From pre-school holiday programs to oral book reports to high school music auditions, children are required to perform in front of audiences throughout their school careers. For many it comes naturally, but others struggle with anxiety, classically called stage fright.

“The feeling of shyness is fundamental to the human experience – as a deeply social species, we have evolved through connection and interdependence with each other,” said Green Brooms Music Academy music teacher Sarah Garcia. “Our earliest ancestors protected each other through cooperation and acceptance, and the primal desire for acceptance is a relic of very real and immediate threats to human safety outside the community.”

Although stage fright is natural, children are encouraged to overcome it to benefit from participation in the performing arts :

• Improved cognitive, social and motor development.

• Practice skills such as improvisation and quick thinking.

• Exploring a wider range of emotions through performance.

• Building confidence and learning to cope with anxiety.

Luckily, you can help your reluctant star overcome stage fright and even boost her self-esteem through public speaking.

“Gradual exposure to a frightening situation, what we call exposure, is one of the most effective ways to overcome anxiety, fears and phobias. It helps desensitize, increase tolerance levels, build confidence, and reduce performance anxiety,” said licensed professional counselor Andrea R. Tarantella .

Signs that your child may have stage fright

Tarantella noted that children with stage fright may experience physical symptoms that are not immediately noticeable to parents, such as stomach pain, nausea, rapid heartbeat, dizziness and headache. But here are other signs you may see:

• Avoiding class presentations or participation in sporting events

• fidgeting

• pace

• Nail biting

• Negative self-talk about your abilities

• Expression of fear of embarrassment

“With stage fright, parents can expect their child to experience physical symptoms of stress, show an increased fear of being judged by others, and have problems with memory or concentration during performances,” Tarantella said.

Tips to help you cope with stage fright as a child

Music teacher Dana Vachharajani said that first, parents need to acknowledge that stage fright is real. “Sometimes, as busy parents, we may chalk up stage fright to shyness or our kids not enjoying an activity, but in reality, stage fright is a condition that needs to be treated with understanding and consideration. The good news is that there are many ways to relieve symptoms,” she said.

Try these suggestions from Tarantella and Vachharajani:

• Continue to provide your child with opportunities for public speaking with gradual exposure.

• Create a supportive environment so that children feel safe to express their concerns about their performance.

• Celebrate every small success during their performance.

• Before performing, have your child practice in front of one or more immediate family members. Once they feel comfortable, have them practice on someone less familiar.

According to Tarantella, avoid the following reactions to stage fright in your child:

• Ignoring a child’s feelings

• Forcing them into uncomfortable situations

• Comparing your child to other people who don’t have stage fright.

• Using criticism or guilt

• Ignoring the problem altogether

Also, depending on your child’s age, you may feel differently about stage fright.

Help your kids overcome stage fright in elementary school.

Very young children may appear shy or cling to their parents when it comes time to perform.

“In some situations, a child may have difficulty regulating emotionally and may have a tantrum or start crying,” Tarantella said. “At the elementary school level, nervous habits such as fidgeting, nail biting, or hair twirling begin to develop.”

You may need support from teachers and coaches to help them gain confidence.

“There may be times when your kind and patient support will be enough, and then there will be times when we need a team,” Vachharajani said. “If there is stage fright at school, tell the teacher to start small, with classroom activities that are public. Discuss this with coaches, dance teachers and other people they trust in their lives.”

Help your kids overcome stage fright in middle school.

Tweens and teens are known for their shyness, comparing themselves to peers, and increasing concerns about social status.

“At this age, stage fright can look a lot like avoidance and/or defiance if they are so anxious that they would challenge an authority figure or get a bad grade to prevent them from performing,” Tarantella said.

Vachharajani offers the following tips to help a reluctant high school student:

• Don’t press too hard. Pressure and long discussions about stage fright can cause them to shut down.

• Remember that some children may take years to get used to public speaking as they deal with their emotions about it.

“Stage fright doesn’t go away overnight or after your first successful presentation,” she said. “We need to be aware that this can manifest itself in other situations. Please support and start with simple steps.”

Help your kids overcome stage fright in high school.

In high school, parents may have to step back and allow teens to exercise their independence when it comes to public speaking. However, you can always support them when they show signs of performance anxiety and help them set realistic goals.

Vachharajani suggests harnessing the power of nonverbal statements.

“If it’s time to speak and they’re still nervous, ask them to imagine a calm place or come up with a phrase to repeat in their mind. If they don’t know what to focus on during a speech, choose a comfort point that they can see. Let your child know where you will be so he can see you in the room. If that’s not possible, ask them to find a focal point above the crowd’s heads so they don’t have to look at faces, she said.

What if it’s more than just stage fright?

Mild stage fright is a temporary nervousness that goes away after an upcoming performance. Mild stage fright may include more noticeable symptoms such as sweating, rapid heart rate, trembling and bugs. Even so, Tarantella says there should be no lingering anxiety after the performance ends.

How can you tell if your child’s anxiety levels are beyond that and they need professional counseling?

“Severe and potentially diagnosable levels of stage fright occur when parents want to ensure they are seeking professional help to prevent further deterioration and interference with their child’s academic, social and emotional well-being,” Tarantella said. “At this level, parents may see their children struggling with panic attacks, severe self-doubt, intense fear, and performance-related situation avoidance. At this level, parents may notice that this anxiety is significantly debilitating, affecting their ability to work, and also persisting over time.”

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