Avoid Using These Rude Phrases (and What to Say Instead)

There’s more to being an effective communicator than just saying what’s on your mind. Your tone, body language, facial expression and, of course, the words and phrases you use have a big impact on whether others are willing to hear your thoughts, questions and requests.

And while most people probably don’t want to come across as rude or condescending, according to one public speaking expert , certain expressions are generally perceived as “poor speech etiquette.” Here are some rude phrases he suggests avoiding and what to say instead.

Phrases that may seem rude

In an article for CNBC Make It, John Bowe , a speech and presentation consultant and author of I Have Something to Say: Mastering the Art of Public Speaking in an Age of Disunity, explains that when working with clients, he encourages people to “think carefully before you speak.” about your listeners.”

While we don’t always have this option, there are a few phrases that may seem rude that Bowe recommends avoiding altogether . Here they are and what he suggests saying instead:

“It is what it is”

According to Bowe, the phrase is commonly used instead of “stop complaining.”

What to say instead: “It’s hard. I’m sorry you’re going through this.”

“That’s the problem…”

According to Bowe, this throat-clearing statement can appear presumptuous, implying that “whatever follows will be the definitive and authoritative view on the topic at hand.”

What to say instead of: “I think…”

“Do you want to…?”

While the phrase is perfectly acceptable if you’re asking someone for a preference or offering a choice, Howe says it comes across as rude and demeaning if you use it to ask someone to do something for you (for example, “Do that something for you”). Do you want to wash the dishes after we eat?”)

What to say instead: “Will you do me a favor?”