Evil Week: Do Housework Badly and Get Rid of It
Welcome to Evil Week , our annual dive into all the slightly sketchy life hacks that we usually refrain from recommending. Want to snag free drinks, play challenging mind games, or launder some money? We have all the information we need to successfully engage in questionable behavior.
The adage “If you want something done well, do it yourself” is true. And if you are both lazy and smart, you will learn how to properly use this idea against those you love. Nobody likes to do household chores, but each of us has tasks assigned to us. Whether you’re cooking dinner, doing the dishes, taking out the trash, or folding that laundry you hate, there’s an easy way to make sure you never have to do it again: do it. And do it badly.
Just as everyone has a job they despise, there are also things they hate to do poorly. I hate folding laundry. You know what I hate more than folding laundry? Seeing my shirts folded incorrectly . My partner very lovingly misfolds my shirts. His method creates creases in the wrong places and then they don’t stack neatly in my drawer. At one point I asked him to leave them unwrapped so I could do it myself. Now he only has to fold half of his laundry. He is a genius. A mastermind who knows how to put things together.
Make an “honest” effort
However, be careful how you implement this. You can’t just avoid the task or turn it into a complete disaster. Then your family member or loved one will try to teach you how to do it correctly. Ugh. This is a completely new type of torture. You should try to do the job honestly, but forget about one important part of it. If you’re taking out the trash, try not to pull the string too tight. Hopefully some debris will spill out of the can (or if there are wild animals nearby, maybe they will help you). If you are tasked with washing dishes, put them in the sink and forget to wash the back. Anyone who picks up a “clean” dish will notice that there is some oil or pasta sauce on the back of it. Clean the floor? Forget about stains or leave cloudy streaks.
Consistency is key
The last step is the most important. You have to dedicate yourself to your crappy job. You must complete the task with the same error several times in a row. It may take months, but you’re playing the long game and it will pay off. Over time, you will begin to notice that your husband takes over your dinners. Immediately after this, your daughter washes the dishes. Your housemates take out the trash before you can. Congratulations! You win.