What Your Relationship Needs Is a Little “romantic Nostalgia”

According to a new study , looking at past photos of your partner can increase feelings of love and overall satisfaction in your relationship. Reminiscing and reminiscing about good times is also known as “romantic nostalgia,” and according to Gabriela Reyes, public relations expert for LMFT and the Chispa app , these memories help bring back the rush of feelings you may no longer feel so easily with your partner. romantic partner. .

“[Romantic nostalgia] can also make couples feel motivated to recapture some of those good feelings,” she tells Lifehacker. “Planning a trip to revisit the bungalow where you first said “I love you,” going to the restaurant where you had your first date, etc. Strong feelings are very powerful. If we can bring them back with something as simple as memories, we should take full advantage of it.”

Why romantic nostalgia is especially powerful when it comes to connecting with your partner

As we get deeper into a romantic relationship, we become more comfortable with each other. But many couples complain about the lack of “spark” and intense connection that once dominated the beginning of their relationship. How do we capture this? Enter: romantic nostalgia.

“Research has shown that people have a deep need to belong, and romantic nostalgia helps satisfy this need, strengthening your connection with your partner,” Saba Harouni Lurie , a licensed marriage and family therapist, tells Lifehacker. “It helps highlight your shared history, reminding you of everything you’ve been through together, which only brought you closer together. Reflecting on these moments can also strengthen your commitment to each other.”

Romantic nostalgia can also allow partners to see how much they’ve grown together as a couple, Lurie says, and serves as a reminder of all the positive changes made to the relationship over time that can serve to strengthen their bond. “Especially when couples hit bumps in the road, romantic nostalgia can help remind them why they chose their partner and what they value and value in their relationship,” she says.

Romantic nostalgia is different for everyone.

It’s important to note that what will trigger these feelings of romantic nostalgia will be different for everyone, including your partner. According to Reyes, this happens mainly because we remember things differently from others and keep the memories that meant the most to us close to our hearts and in our minds. This means that you may value your first kiss more than your partner, but they value your first vacation together more than you do.

Ask these questions to spark romantic nostalgia.

The best way to find out how romantic nostalgia affects you is to remember your favorite moments in your relationship, Reyes says. “By asking yourself or your partner the right questions, you can create those same feelings of intimacy, love and attraction,” she explains. “I often use romantic nostalgia in my sessions with couples. At the very beginning of our time together, I would like them to describe how they first met and what they thought about each other then. You can see very clearly how they feel about each other by the way they answer certain questions.”

These questions include:

• When did you realize you were in love with me? “This will make them remember a time when they were overwhelmed with feelings of love for their partner,” says Reyes. “Sometimes it can reveal new information about our loved ones that we didn’t know. We know when they first said “I love you,” but do we know when they first felt that love? Learning something new in a long-term relationship is difficult. Romantic nostalgia can work with this.”
• When do you remember how I loved you most? “This option is good for two very different reasons,” Reyes says. “This can give the partner answering the question a sense of nostalgia while giving the other person some information,” she explains. “Now the listening partner has a plan for how to make their partner feel loved. The person answering the question remembers a time when they felt loved and grateful to their partner.”
• What were the most romantic moments for us? “Beyond romantic nostalgia, this can be an easy way to get an idea of ​​things that can be recreated to rekindle that spark,” says Reyes. “While romantic nostalgia can create that spark, we must take steps to ensure it ignites.”
• What do you think was the sexiest night in our relationship? According to Reyes, the issue is threefold. “This can spark conversations about intimacy that isn’t easy to talk about openly,” she explains. “It can also evoke romantic nostalgia, but in a sexier way. Most importantly, it can remind you or even inform you of how you turned your partner on.”

What are examples of romantic nostalgia?

If you’re looking for examples of how to walk down memory lane with your partner, Lurie shares her favorites to help you get started.

Shared playlists/songs. “ Any collection of songs that have meaning to a couple and represent a significant time in their relationship can evoke romantic nostalgia,” Lurie says. “Music has an uncanny ability to conjure up memories and emotions and can instantly transport someone back to a specific moment in time. People can create playlists of songs that are important to them and their relationships to quickly and easily share sweet memories.”

Love letters. “Love letters are written correspondence between partners that express deep feelings and intimate connection,” Lurie explains. “They can be typed or handwritten, but there is something personal about a handwritten letter that can evoke deeper emotions in the recipient. The same can be said for early texting in a relationship, even early text messages or first messages exchanged on a dating app.”

Anniversary celebrations. “Celebrating the anniversary of a special event, such as a wedding or a first date, can evoke feelings of romantic nostalgia because it serves as a milestone signifying the commitment two partners make to each other,” Lurie says. “Planning an anniversary celebration with your significant other will allow you to reflect on your shared history, while also making room to create new memories and traditions with each other.”