How to Know If You’re Addicted to Pornography (and What to Do About It)
There is an important difference between watching porn and becoming addicted to it. “Porn addiction” involves emotional dependence on pornography. Watching porn can be a perfectly healthy form of sexual expression; it becomes an addiction when it begins to interfere with other parts of your daily life, such as work and relationships.
While porn addiction is not an official diagnosis in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), the World Health Organization recognized compulsive sexual behavior as a mental disorder in 2018, but even that recognition does not specifically apply to “porn addiction.” addiction.” Rather, it refers more broadly to sexual activity that becomes the primary focus of a person’s life to the extent that he neglects his “health and personal care or other interests, activities and responsibilities.”
With all the confusion around what porn addiction and addiction look like, and whether they are recognized as real problems, it can be difficult to determine whether your porn habit is normal or too strong. Here’s the guide.
Is porn addiction real?
One of the main criticisms of “porn addiction” is that, at least according to the DSM, it doesn’t actually exist as a true addiction or disorder. When we think about addiction, we tend to focus on substances that can cause a person’s body to become physically dependent, and pornography is not that. Instead, you could argue that seeking pornography to an unhealthy degree is a compulsion.
Scott Brassart, director of content development at Seeking Integrity Treatment Center and a recovering porn addict, doesn’t care how you define it, as long as you acknowledge the behavior in your life and take steps to correct it. He says, “I have no doubt that porn can become an addiction, just like alcohol, drugs, gambling, etc. However, I don’t care whether people call it an addiction or a compulsion.”
According to Brassard, if porn has “become an obsession” and you are experiencing negative consequences due to your preoccupation with it (whether relationship problems or feelings of shame), you have a problem, no matter how you or anyone else defines it. This.
Recognize the Signs of Porn Addiction
Whether it’s officially recognized or not, there are some common signs of porn addiction that you should look out for. Please note the following:
- inability to stop watching porn despite wanting to.
- engaging in “risky” behavior in order to observe it, such as doing it at work or otherwise in public.
- give preference to watching porn instead of regular activities.
- spending a lot of time and/or money on porn.
- loss of sexual interest in one’s partner and a preference for the fantasies offered by pornography.
According to Brassart, porn addicts use porn to cope with stress and other uncomfortable feelings, “losing” themselves in the content to the point that they spend hours watching it to escape whatever is going on in their lives. He says porn addicts may find that their use increases over time, both in the time they devote to it and the intensity of the content they consume. This can lead them to lead a “double life” by lying or hiding their pornography addiction altogether.
If any of this sounds like you, you may need help controlling your porn consumption. The key is to notice whether porn is having a clear detrimental effect on your life. If you’re just annoyed by the realization that you’ve spent a ton of money on OnlyFans, but it’s not really hurting you financially in other areas and you can stop spending your money this way without worrying about it, you may just need to adjust your priorities. Getting turned on and wanting your partner to try something you’ve seen in porn isn’t a bad thing either, but completely losing interest in them and preferring to get sexual gratification from porn instead is a red flag.
If, as you read this, you are concerned about your porn use, here are some tips to help you on your road to recovery.
How to deal with porn addiction
I don’t want to sound cliché, but the first step to solving porn addiction is admitting that you have a problem. Accept that you may be struggling and want to change.
“If porn addicts could quit smoking and continue smoking on their own, they would,” Brassard says. “In fact, most of them would rather eat a plate of dirt than admit to another person that they have a problem with pornography. But outside help is an absolute necessity for porn addicts.”
He suggests seeking treatment online or in person (and it’s worth noting that his organization Seeking Integrity hosts its own online workshops to get you started). He adds that this approach should be combined with sessions with an individual therapist (ideally a certified sex addiction therapist, or CSAT) and participation in a 12-step program through a group like Sex and Porn Addicts Anonymous . The point is that you need a support system, whether it’s paid professional help, members of a recovery group, or your friends and family. As Brassard notes, “The easiest way to talk about porn addiction is with professionals who treat the disorder, as well as with other recovering porn addicts. Sometimes friends and family can help too, but there is always a risk of being shamed and judged.”
You can work on this problem yourself by setting clear goals, identifying reasons for stopping porn-related behavior, and setting specific, achievable goals, such as saving money or reconnecting with your partner. Pay attention to what makes you turn to pornography as a coping mechanism so that you can identify what ultimately causes you to spend too much time and money watching, and strive to correct or avoid those triggers. Finally, as a temporary measure, consider using website blockers to prevent you from easily accessing pornography online.
Overcoming porn addiction is a gradual process that can include setbacks and relapses. Stay committed, be patient with yourself, and continue to seek help and support as needed. Your relationships and sense of well-being are worth the effort, and recovery is possible.