How to Perfect the Art of Bathing
I take a bath very well. Haters will say this isn’t a real skill, but one bad bath is enough to appreciate the little details that make a great bath. This is more than hot water. These are more than bubbles. A truly great bath requires preparation, planning, and at least two drinks.
The video you see above is just one example of a good bath. Not all good baths are the same, but most follow the same basic pattern and have one item from each of the following categories:
Some kind of water modifier
Baths are not meant for cleaning, but for relaxation. And aromatic, silky and / or bubbly water is more relaxing than plain, odorless water. Dr. Teal is doing my favorite bubble bath. The smells are noticeable, but not too strong or too aromatic, and a couple of sips are enough to create a mountain of bubbles. I also love the Lush bath bomb or bubble bar, although they refuse to keep my favorites (Lord of Misrule and Pop in the Bath) in stock.
Alcoholic beverage
The drink you see in the video is a pineapple and chartreuse cocktail that turned to slush because I left it in the freezer and it fucking ruled. I also like chilled light red or crispy white wine (stored in an ice bucket on the floor next to the bathroom), but literally any alcoholic beverage will work.
Soft drink
I know I’m kidding that the water is not for me, but a large drinking vessel full of cold water is actually what you need if you are taking a very hot bath, especially if your alcoholic beverage is large. , bold red wine. If you hate plain water, add slices of cucumber, citrus, or ginger to the jug for spa water with a trendy hotel lobby vibe. Diet Coke is another obvious favorite, but unsweetened iced tea and La Croix also appear regularly.
Mood lighting
As you can see above, I really love my candles, especially the tall, showy candles that fit in a bath candle holder, but candles aren’t the only way to create a mood. Have you experienced total darkness? It’s pretty fun. Just turn off the lights and don’t look at your phone. You can also take advantage of natural light. If your bathroom has a window, try to time your bath time to coincide with the golden hour.
Mood sounds
I have a pretty long bathing playlist , but the absolutely perfect bath soundtrack is Roxy Music’s Avalon (Mother of Pearl works on repeat, too). If you are – somehow – bored with Brian Ferry’s sleek vocal style, my isolation playlist and all that it is will work very well, although none is as relaxing or as perfect as Roxy Music’s Avalon .
Hand towel
It is necessary. Whether you’re reading, scrolling on your phone, listening to music, or watching YouTube on your computer — you’ll need to wipe your hands with something before touching your book, phone, or computer. Sometimes I even supplement my hand towel with a rag, just in case I need to dry my face.
Optional: smoke something
Unfortunately, smoking in the bath is absolutely prohibited. It’s also a shame that I love carnation and I need you all to appreciate how vulnerable I am by sharing this with you. Smoking cloves, of course, is optional. You can smoke real cigarettes or vapes, or smoke a joint, or – and this is the healthiest option – smoke nothing at all. (Don’t start smoking just to smoke in the tub, but if you’re going to smoke anyway, the tub is the best place to do it.)
Originally published August 2020 and updated March 15, 2021 to reflect current style guidelines.