Teach the Children the Difference Between Fair and Equal
This is a childish nagging that has been heard all over the world: “This is not fair. It is used to protest if a sibling is allowed to spend time with friends or have extra screen time, or in response to a classmate being allowed extra time to complete an assignment. You may be tempted to respond to the fact that “ life is not fair, ” and while it’s true, it’s more beneficial in the long run to teach them the difference between fairness and equity. Because what is equal is not always fair, and what is fair is not always equal.
Adults can understand why sometimes the needs or circumstances of one person can outweigh the importance of ensuring that everyone gets the same help or follows the same rules. The teenager should be allowed to go to bed after kindergarten; may not be equal, but that’s fair. However, fairness and equity are abstract concepts for children, so it takes some mentor (maybe even a great mentor) from the parents before they can fully understand it.
Here are some exercises you can try at home to help them better understand the difference.
Glasses for no one
Some people get more help because they need it – and just because they need it doesn’t mean everyone should get it. Barbara Gruner offers this teacher exercise on the Free Spirit Publishing blog, and parents can have a similar conversation at home to illustrate this:
Start with a showcase example of wearing prescription glasses. Asking students if “fair” means equality (their typical answer is a resounding “yes!”), Respectfully demand that everyone with glasses take them off, because it is “unfair” if some have glasses and the rest of the class does not. This will challenge their notions of the just meaning that we are all the same.
One patch for everyone
Another classic tactic is the patch lesson, which forces everyone in the family to come up with a simulated illness or injury. After everyone chooses one, give each one a patch to heal the injury – whether it’s a paper cut, a broken leg, or a bad cold.
Ha, that’s not fair.
Who can reach out?
Teacher Samantha Song writes for Better Kids that she has a favorite exercise she uses in class every year to show the difference between fairness and equity. She places a couple of items on a high shelf and then calls the taller and lower apprentice to pick them up. When a short student cannot reach him, she asks the class to figure out how to help them (turn over a chair, get help from a taller classmate, etc.). The song writes:
This leads nicely to a discussion of fair and equal. There can be no equal treatment with two volunteers, because this is truly unfair and not even necessary. The taller child has already lifted his leg! * Ba dum pum * It’s obvious to the class that they don’t need a stool or someone to help them get there. The other child, however, requires some adjustment in order to have an equal opportunity to succeed.
Equality is related to the same, just like in mathematics. The equal sign tells us that both sides of the equation are exactly the same (3 + 2 = 5). The fair is different. Fairness means that everyone gets what they want based on visible gaps in opportunity. And sometimes people will have different needs because we are unique individuals.
You can do this at home by advising your teen or adult family member and younger and shorter child to try to reach the bowls on the top shelf of your kitchen cabinet. You give them the same task, but you unfairly expect a child to reach the same heights as an adult.
Talk about equality and equity
Now that you have completed a few basic exercises, you are ready to talk about the difference between equality and equality. While they may appear to be the same basic concept at first glance, understanding the difference is key. Social Change UK explains it well :
While both promote fairness, equality is achieved through treating everyone equally regardless of needs, while equality is achieved through treating people differently based on needs. However, this different attitude can be the key to achieving equality.
Returning to the student example, fairness through equality would mean giving all students the same support. However, those who require more support beyond this entry level to succeed will not have an equal opportunity with those who do not.
Equality would be without points; justice gives points to those who need them so that they can see as clearly as everyone else. Equality is about plasters for everyone and items on high shelves; justice heals the person’s specific trauma and stools are used as needed. Even an earlier bedtime for young children is a matter of fairness – their bodies need more rest. And once children begin to understand the difference between fairness and equity, they can further develop empathy for others.