Adult’s Guide to Childhood Culture: the Big Jawed Guy Conquers the Internet
This is the anniversary of being inside and I’m completely tired of this plague business, so I’m going to completely ignore the pandemic. Instead, I’m going to tell you about a guy with an incredibly huge jaw, discuss which cartoon characters need to be canceled, and finally answer the age-old question: What happens if the world turns to gold?
Internet Celebrity of the Week Weirdo: Jawline CEO
The Internet’s latest instant celebrity, Milanese model Luca Marchesi, takes unrealistic expectations of the body to the next level. The self-proclaimed “CEO of Jawline” has spent years painstakingly developing jaw muscles, chewing on an odd exercise device to create the most massive jawline you’ll ever see. In other words, the dude turned his face into a shovel.
The video about Marchesi’s transformation on TikTok has collected almost 2 million views, as well as thousands of comments, clowning over the guy, while users compare his face to a bicycle seat, Dorito and Alvin from the movie ” Alvin and the Chipmunks” . Marchezi promised to leave TikTok due to people calling him, but at the time of posting, you can still see his awesome page .
Although Marchesi insists that his face is natural, I was suspicious, so I sent a photo of him to Patrick Byrne, MD, chairman of the Head and Neck Institute at Cleveland Hospital in Ohio, to which he replied, “The chin must be an implant. … The convex jaw on the side is probably injectable filler. There may be an implant. Maybe, but unlikely. “
Byrne says chewing all day long so you can look like a triangle can lead to migraines, temporomandibular joint problems and other problems, but is probably preferable to an implant. “If it was possible to create such an effect through exercise (big ‘if’), then it is ‘natural.’ Implants and injections are likely to carry a higher risk. “
He also posted a link to a fun podcast about how body image problems you can create with social media photo editing are no joke.
This Week in Cancellation Culture: Which Cartoon Characters Should Leave?
Recent national controversy over the “cancellation” of some of Dr. Seuss’s books and the exclusion of Pepe Le Pugh from the sequel to Space Jam has led internet jokes to question which other cartoon characters should be avoided. The result is a fun Twitter hashtag #CancelACartoonCharacter that reveals the troubled natures of animated Americans.
No one is immune from the ironic leftist warriors of cancellation: We need to get rid of Dale Gribble of King of the Hill for storming the capital, Mario for practicing as a plumber without a license, and Clifford, Big Red Dog for his flagrant abuse. growth hormones. Personally, I think we need to cancel the famous Warner Brothers character “The Big Silly Hungarian Idiot Who Smells Like Shit.” How could this guy ever get past the censorship?
Viral Video of the Week: What If the World Turned to Gold?
When you need serious answers to ridiculous questions, there is no better source than Kurzgesagt – In a Nutshell on YouTube. Previous videos from the science-based channel asked important questions, such as, “What if we launched a nuclear strike on the moon?” and “What if the Earth were kicked out of the solar system?” Buttheir latest video raises an even bigger question: What if the entire Earth turns to gold? For example, let’s say King Midas stumbled and touched the ground; how will this affect you?
Instead of just speculating, Kurzgesagt calculates and brings receipts, postulating three possible scenarios for the goldification of the world, each based on a method of converting land into gold. Spoiler alert: No matter how the Earth turns to gold, it will be a very, very bad day, and everything on the planet will be destroyed. We must do this immediately.
Right Troll of the Week: “Super Straight Move”
If you’re curious about the “super-straight” hashtag popular with internet machines, let me dive down this slimy rabbit hole so you don’t have to. According to the Urban Dictionary , “super heterosexuals” are preferences of the opposite sex, with the exception of transgender people. It was first coined in a video removed from TikTok by user Kyleroyce, who said, “I’m super straightforward. I only date the opposite sex: women who are born to women. So now you cannot say that I am transphobic, because this is just my sexuality. “
This is exactly the kind of reactionary bullshit that internet trolls and alt-right morons love, so the meme quickly spread across Twitter, YouTube, Reddit, TikTok and all the other dark corners of the web, with trolls and assholes co-opting it. the language of LGBTQ + activism to spread an idea that is inherently intolerant of transgender people. The world is in disorder. The only light at the end of this shitty tunnel is the speed with which most platforms have recognized bigotry and banned the hashtag.
This Week in Video Games: Friday Night Funkin
Gamers are offered a choice of about 85 quabillion video games, from massive role-playing games to bloody first-person shooters. But this week they opted for a free flash-based rhythm game called Friday Night Funkin .
Created by Ninjamuffin99, FNF has grown steadily in fan fame since its 2020 release, but it has reached critical mass recently, with a huge surge in users and videos. It’s kind of a love letter to flash games of the past with simple addictive gameplay (think Dance Dance Revolution with your keyboard) and awesome music. It even features characters from famous old flash games. Capsule Review: This is the perfect game “I have 10 minutes to spare” … but don’t blame me if that 10 minutes turns into 17 hours and a severe case of carpal tunnel syndrome.