How Do You Tell Your Boyfriend to Stop Eating Takeout?
Not all advice needs to be professional. Sometimes your problems deserve honest honesty on the part of a dude who has nothing but a computer and a conscience. Lucky for you, I’m that guy. Welcome back to Tough Love.
This week I’m tackling family eating with someone who doesn’t seem to understand the concept of sharing and how to make that person understand that not all food is theirs.
Note: I am a reviewer, not a therapist or certified healthcare professional. My advice should be interpreted with this in mind. If you have any problems with what I am saying, please file a complaint here. Now let’s get started.
Hi Sam.
I don’t know if this is the real problem or if I am just petty shit. I need your point of view.
My roommate had moved not too long ago and my boyfriend was going to renew the lease, so we both thought it was a good time for him to move. My roommate and I got along so well that it seemed like we just blended together. Not everything is so smooth with my boyfriend. First of all, the problem is food, Sam. Delivery of orders, to be precise.
Every time my roommate and I ordered delivery, we would usually choose one main course, then a couple of sides, and we ate at home and had enough food for at least two meals. I don’t eat seafood and my roommate didn’t like it anyway, so it worked out.
The first time my boyfriend and I made an order after he moved, I told us to do the same as my roommate and I always did and he said he was ready for it. I said I was going to order a chicken curry platter and he said he was going to order a fish platter. I reminded him that I did not eat seafood (he knows that!), So he will eat them himself. The problem was that he ate half of my dish and only a small part of his, so the next day he had leftovers and I didn’t. What the heck?!
This happened several times, so I smartened up and started ordering two portions so that I would have leftovers the next day. What is the delivery point if there is not enough leftovers? He kept ordering seafood dishes every damn thing but kept eating the non-seafood dishes I ordered on the first and second day and then complained on the third day that we ordered too much food and his seafood was wasted. He says it’s not good in two days. I don’t understand seafood, so I don’t know if this is true or if he is just special. But he keeps accusing me of ordering too much and I don’t give a damn!
What’s the matter anyway? He orders me seafood all the time, but doesn’t eat seafood instead? Has he passed out? Is this a sign of problems to come? I want to sit him down and say, “Dude, I don’t think you love seafood as much as you think.” Am I making a minnow shark here? I feel annoyed and don’t know if my irritation is justified. Can I suggest that we no longer do family style, or is it too late / in bad shape?
Your guidance is appreciated.
Hands off my chicken, eat your damn fish
Dear hands off my chicken
My God, what a mess you were in during lunch. On one level, I understand your frustration, but on another level, I laugh. Bridging disagreements over dinner can be frustrating for couples because it is an important activity that nevertheless depends on our personal preference for stuffing food in our mouths.
However, your problem is strange. Your boyfriend may be suffering from spread male syndrome, a common ailment that manifests itself in the fact that the man is unaware that what he is doing is selfish and inattentive. Maybe your boyfriend likes the idea of seafood, but when he gets the order, he realizes that he doesn’t like the taste. Maybe he’s getting to know TikTok’s sea shacks, enjoying a weird SpongeBob episode, and wanting his food to match the theme. Maybe he grew up as a sailor in a gang of pirate friends. But from your account of these failed family-style dinners, it looks like he doesn’t understand his taste. Your empty stomach is proof enough that this seafood fantasy is taking its toll on your dining experience. And it’s time for you to say something about this.
It could be simple enough. If he’s a sensible guy, it’s easy to point out that he vacuums most of your favorite takeout orders, leaving his to rot in the fridge overnight. There is simply no other way to solve this problem. Speak up, or at least suggest that you stop eating the food served at PF Chang’s. To answer your question about whether you would be doing this “in bad shape” – of course not. The man is eating your food. It’s enough to piss anyone off, let alone a hungry one.
So what’s stopping you from raising this issue? Are you afraid of his reaction? Was there anything else in the past that suggested that he would not respond well to criticism, even if conveyed lightly and without judgment? At first glance, there is nothing wrong with this, and perhaps this can be attributed to a person who unwittingly turned out to be a selfish fool. (On my second date with my wife, I ordered Thai food for myself, not for her, as I assumed she was already eating. She did not eat. Men: we are a vicious species). But the most important aspect of this discussion is how he responds.
Now think about yourself. Why do you even doubt whether it is worth bringing up the question that he does not leave you with enough food? You need to eat, damn it! What’s stopping you from protecting yourself? I cannot define it for you, but you should definitely think about it. In relationships, especially those that seem more serious, you need to protect yourself when your partner regularly does something that bothers you. This is usually okay if the other person is not offended by the issues you raise. But therein lies the question: are you afraid to tell him to fire the chicken? And if so, why?
This is a fairly simple first impasse in your nascent cohabitation. If you can handle it with honor (and I have no doubt that you will), you will be able to navigate the bigger problems that will inevitably arise in your relationship. In the meantime, I’m sure you both can agree on how you eat with minimal conflict – family style or not.
That’s it for this week, but there is still a lot of Tough Love to come. If you would like to be mentioned, please contact me with a description of your dilemmas in an email to my address ( please include “TIP” or “HARD LOVE” in the subject line ). Or tweet me with the hashtag #ToughLove . For serious inquiries only: do not email or email me if you do not want your name to appear in this column. Disclaimer : I can’t answer everyone, so be sure to include the specific issue in your post. I will not respond to generalizations such as “rude” or vague descriptions of “relationship problems” without specific examples of what is bothering you. Take care of yourself until next time!