A Guide for Different Ages on How to Talk to Kids About Drugs

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This post is part of our Big Conversations series, a guide to help parents navigate the most important conversations they will have with their children. Read more here .

As parents, we are often not ready to think about substance use when our children are young. When I mentioned to writer and educator Jessica Lahey that I didn’t talk much to my kids about drugs since the oldest of them was only 13, she pointed out that in the state where she had just given a talk – Tennessee – the average age of first drinking and prescription drug abuse was 13.7 and 13.5 years, respectively . (The national average is the average age of teenagers.) Our children are ready for such conversations long before we are.

Lahey is the author of The Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Children in a Culture of Addiction , and she argues that we should have substance use conversations as early and as often as possible. This includes alcohol, tobacco, and prescription drugs in addition to other substances we think of when we hear the word drugs.

But these conversations may not be about drugs, at least not at first. By the time your child has the opportunity to smoke weed with a friend, or it occurs to him that he can sneak a sip from the family liquor buffet, he will already have a base of ideas in his head that will make these opportunities more or less tempting. . They will have some understanding of how their body works, what is good and what is bad to put into their body, and the social consequences of saying yes or no to what their friends are doing. And these are the ideas that you can start talking about very early.

“Start your long-term education in substance use and abuse with a general conversation about their health and safety,” Lahey writes in Inoculation Against Addiction . “Then, as they get older, get familiar with the specifics of substance use, starting with the substances they are most likely to encounter at an early age,” which for many children will be alcohol and nicotine. She adds, “The more you talk, the easier it gets.”

2-6 years old

With very young children, you are laying the foundations. Some of the most important things that should help them understand are not related to drugs at all. Children should feel comfortable asking questions and discussing issues, and you should be listening, not lecturing. We are talking about feelings at this age, and this is another important stage: how do you teach your children to manage their emotions ?

Lahey adds that children should always have access to other adults they can trust, like relatives or teachers, if for whatever reason they want to talk to someone who is not a parent.

At this age, children begin to learn about health and how we take care of our bodies. At home and at school, they should learn about how to wash their hands, eat vegetables, and brush their teeth—not only that they should do it, but also why it makes sense. Now is the time to talk about what we do and don’t put into our bodies and why. In other words, this annoyed talk about why we don’t eat dirt, young lady, is ultimately part of your child’s drug prevention education.

Just as we talk about bacteria that can lead to cavities, we can also talk about how drugs and vitamins affect our bodies and why we wouldn’t take other people’s medicines. Lahey suggests using the label on prescription bottles as a reading practice. Can you find mom’s name? can start a conversation about how we use medicines, as well as serve as a literacy lesson in general, such as saying words or getting your address and the name of your doctor.

At this age, we can also consider how we talk about substances. Children as young as 3 can recognize alcoholic beverages; they know there is a difference between your beer and their milk. You can talk to them about “adult drinks” and Lahey says we should point out that even adults can get sick if they drink too much.

7-10 years old

Your conversations about health and safety may become more detailed as the kids get older. You can also talk more about their relationships with friends and families of their friends. Lahey suggests giving the children hypothetical situations for them to think about. “What happens if [your] friend Geoffrey drinks some beer; What do you think his parents would have done?

These conversations don’t have to be specifically about substances. Lahey also suggests discussing scenarios such as “What would you say if your friend Amy wanted you to climb the highest monkey bars where you don’t feel safe yet?”

At this age, it is also important to understand that children will receive messages about alcohol and other substances from entertainment. It turned out that cartoon characters drink a lot – in 1 out of 11 cartoons in this study, the characters drank, often without any side effects. The other day I saw my 10 year old cackling at a YouTube video of the Avengers trying to run an anti-drug commercial, only to discover that Captain America’s reaction speed and super stamina are the result of his cocaine addiction. (Seriously, look. It’s fun .) But it made me realize that YouTube mentioned cocaine to my kids before me.

At this age, your kids may see some kind of anti-drug education in school. Some of these programs are ineffective and even potentially increase the likelihood that children will start using drugs. Others are more based on helping children manage their emotions and decide when to say no to things they are uncomfortable with. Find out what your kids are using in school and read the Blueprints to see if the program is evidence-based. If you are actively involved in the school’s parent-teacher association, you may want to steer the school towards program improvement when solutions become available.

Some books that can help you and your children have the following conversations:

11-14 years old

We are now approaching an age when some children are first exposed to drugs, alcohol, tobacco or other substances. Statistics show that children who develop a substance use disorder are more likely than the general population to develop addiction to drugs at an early age . Maybe it’s because substances are more addictive in the developing brain, or maybe addictive children end up discovering substances earlier; perhaps the correlation reflects a bit of both. In any case, it’s worth keeping an eye out for the possibility that your children or their friends might try drugs or alcohol, even if you think it’s “too early” to think about it.

You can talk about drugs and other substances by name, and lay out a family policy. Lahey writes that an “unrealistic” zero-tolerance policy can be a good idea, even if you suspect your child will break it. It sets clear expectations and it sends a strong message. Whatever you decide, communicate it clearly.

Children in this age group are also hearing more and more about alcohol and drug use, whether they have personally tried it or not. If a celebrity dies of an overdose or goes to jail for using steroids, it’s okay to talk about it. It’s also worth discussing the advertising and depictions of substances in pop culture on a deeper level than you did with younger children.

Continue to help your children develop their social and coping skills. High school can be a busy time as children’s social, academic and athletic lives become more challenging. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends creating “positive experiences” for children in this age group through family meals, casual conversations, and activities such as sports or volunteer work where you can spend time with your child doing something instead of just talking. him what not to do. .

15-18 years old

Part of children’s calculations when they decide to try something may include whether they find it acceptable (hence the family messages) or ordinary. You can share statistics with them, such as the National Survey of Students in Grades 8-12 , which found that 41% of high school graduates have never used alcohol and 66% have never used cannabis. As parents, we might find the number of those who have tried these things to be frighteningly high, but your child might be surprised to find that only 28% of 10th graders have tried any illicit drugs (and only 10% if you subtract cannabis). ) if their children’s friends say that “everyone” does it.

Similarly, college students tend to think that everyone drinks more than they do; but half of the college students did not drink at all in the month they were surveyed , and a minority of binge drinkers make up most of the alcohol consumed on campus. If you have a child who is preparing to go to college, tell him about these statistics and about the consequences of drinking – social, legal and biological.

When your child is old enough to go to college, or if you suspect he’s partying in places where he might encounter drugs, it’s good to talk to him about fentanyl , which contaminates many recreational drugs. You can get fentanyl test strips to see if the party drug you are about to take contains fentanyl.

It is also helpful to know about naloxone (narcan), which can save lives in case of overdose: how to use it and where to find it. If your child is going to college, are emergency naloxone kits available? You can also buy naloxone to keep on hand; one version was recently approved for sale without a prescription, and a prescription version is available without an official prescription in all 50 US states (plus the District of Columbia and Puerto Rico).

However, your conversations about drugs with your teenager are based on conversations you had at a different age. Now you can talk more specifically about how cannabis use is linked to memory problems , or how smoking and vaping affect endurance exercise performance . You can also talk about how brain development continues into adulthood (the basis of a sort of myth that the brain is immature until age 25 ) and how weed is thought to interfere with this development .

During these years, continue to listen to them about their lives and pay attention to what is important to them, big and small. “If they trust you enough to talk about drugs, drunk driving, or sex,” Lahi writes, “you should open that door to talk.”

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