What Is Grief Debt and How Can You Get Rid of It?
As we’ve learned all too well over the past year, grief is not limited to the loss of a loved one (although it is a separate, particularly painful type of grief). Whether it’s losing a job, not being able to see family and friends for extended periods of time, or simply mourning our lives before the pandemic, we still don’t understand what impact this collective grief and trauma will have on us over the years. come.
Not only can this grief build up over time, but after a year of incessant racial injustice, natural disasters and all the damage done by the former presidential administration, we will never have time to heal one injury before the next happens. This leaves us with something called a “debt of grief” – and, as with money debt, it is difficult to pay off. Here’s what you need to know about grief debts and how to deal with them.
What is the debt of grief?
As Emily Lawrence writes for Well + Good , grief debt “arises when we take energy from our emotional bank to handle each case of strife, and these cases exacerbate each other, draining the energy even more until there is nothing left to take away. “.
It is difficult to deal with one trauma, but several traumas at the same time is a completely different matter. This is because if we don’t have the ability to fully work through the first trauma, “what usually happens is that you start focusing on the next tragedy before you work on the first,” says clinical psychologist Dr. Kahina A. Louis tells Well + Good .
So, to cope with life, we suppress trauma, and “when you suppress trauma, you can suppress certain emotions, but [they don’t] go away,” adds Louis. “They can show up in your thoughts and actions, even if you don’t notice it.”
How to Get Rid of Debt Grief
While it is certainly possible (and desirable) to handle grief and work with it, the idea is to learn coping strategies in order to manage it later on, rather than expecting it to disappear over a period of time. But when we are in a debt-grieving situation, it is important to at least do something to deal with it rather than letting the trauma keep piling up.
Everyone has their preferred techniques, whether it’s journaling, mindfulness exercises, talking to a therapist and / or psychologist, or just letting yourself scream and cry, says Well + Good psychiatrist Dr. James S. Gordon . It’s important to find what works for you, and actually give yourself the time and space to do it without getting hung up on the next bad thing.