How to Stop Being Lonely, According to the Head Doctor

The Surgeon General of the United States is sounding the alarm about the growing epidemic of loneliness in this country. Vivek Halleghere Murthy’s just-released Public Health Bulletin compiles a wealth of research that shows social isolation is more than a philosophical issue; it has a tangible, measurable impact on both mental and physical health, and it is deadly.

Loneliness leads to a greater risk of heart disease, dementia, stroke, depression, anxiety, and premature death, according to the report. The impact of lockdown on mortality is like smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day, and is actually worse for your health than being obese or inactive. In other words, if you want to be a fat smoker, you better have a bunch of friends.

The absence of friends not only worsens the state of health, but also turns us into loners and eccentrics. Social connections are a basic human need, and as we eschew them in favor of Instagram and Candy Crush, our trust in institutions and each other declines, leading to further polarization and discontent.

Overall, this is not a happy report, but it makes a bulletproof case that we should take this issue more seriously and take steps as a society to stop the damage. While there is little a person can do about a broad historical and cultural trend, you can take action to combat loneliness in your life and the lives of those around you.

Why are we so alone?

The Surgeon General’s report paints a grim picture of an increasingly isolated population. Even before COVID drove us in, Americans were single longer, had smaller families, and turned away from religious groups, clubs, unions, and other sources of social interaction. In 2018, just 16% of Americans said they were very attached to their local community.

In 2003, the average amount of time spent socially with friends was about 60 minutes a day. In 2020 it was 20 minutes. That’s 20 extra hours a month spent alone and not with friends. The trend is observed in all age groups, but is especially pronounced among young people. Whether it’s because they prefer social media quasi-friendships to real-life interactions, or simply because of really impressive video games, Americans aged 15 to 24 report 70% less interaction with their friends than children. 20 years ago.

While factors such as health, socioeconomic status, and simply dislike of other people play a role in human loneliness, how do societies support community infrastructure—parks, libraries, public transportation—disappear in response to broad social and cultural change? . As you might have guessed, the main driver of social exclusion is technology. The report notes that while online connection can be a source of social support, it also “crowds out face-to-face interaction, monopolizes our attention, reduces the quality of our interactions, and even lowers our self-esteem.”

How to stop being lonely, according to the chief surgeon

The Surgeon General’s report outlines an ambitious national strategy (without a source of funding or any tangible public policy) that outlines how schools, healthcare professionals, government officials, and others can tackle the systemic causes of society’s loneliness, but also discusses how to justly people like us can conquer isolation in our own lives.

Below I have highlighted the most effective and relevant tips.

• Get Educated : The connection between mental and physical health and connectedness is real. This is supported by the evidence, and it applies to everyone. Understanding and taking it seriously is a great first step towards doing something about it. Start by reading the Surgeon General’s report . It’s a fascinating (albeit dark) document backed by scientific research. Your taxes paid for it, so take advantage.
• Set aside time for communication . According to the report, you should “take time each day to connect with a friend or family member.” So go to your contacts and send a message to someone you haven’t spoken to in a while – the government says you should.
• Put your phone away : Don’t look at your phone when you’re talking to someone. It’s rude, and according to the surgeon general, phones and other distractions reduce “the quality of time you spend with others.”
• Diversify Your Circle : According to the report, we should strive to “proactively engage with people of diverse backgrounds and backgrounds.” Even if it’s just because they eat different foods and/or have a charming accent.
• Volunteer : Community service is a great way to meet people and feel connected to your community, so head to a soup kitchen or nursing home and do something nice.
• Be a carpenter : I intend to follow these steps, but this one will be difficult. I generally don’t like random gatherings of other people, but the report recommends joining “sports, religious, hobby, professional, and community organizations to develop a sense of belonging, meaning, and purpose,” which is pretty much in line with my opinion. worst nightmare.
• Reduce the things that keep you apart : Technology can be tricky. It easily gives something like a sense of social connection, but social media connections and such are not really real. Therefore, try to avoid “overuse of social media” and “disproportionate time spent in front of screens instead of people.”
• Reach out to others in a crisis . If things aren’t going well and you’re feeling cut off and isolated, reach out to people who might not give a shit – friends, family, good-natured bartenders, etc. You might be surprised how many people feel the same way. About half of Americans report feeling lonely.
• Talk to Your Doctor: We hope that as our understanding and acceptance of the connection between physical and mental health and interconnectedness grows, healthcare professionals will play a greater role in addressing this issue. It may seem strange to tell your doctor that you feel lonely, but they can help you reduce the health risks associated with isolation or recommend a therapist.
• Participation in politics : I don’t like to participate in the democratic process if it can be avoided in any way, but many people find it useful and interesting to participate in school board meetings, local government hearings, and other forms of civic engagement.
• Don’t be an asshole : The surgeon general advises you to “reflect the core values ​​of connection in how you approach others in your conversation and in your actions”, but I read that as “stop being an asshole”. Decidedly: Many Americans are socially isolated because they are jerks, but they can be less picky if they ask themselves, “How can kindness change this situation? What would it look like if you treated others with respect? What can I do to help? How can I reflect my concern and commitment to others?”